在一九八八年十月，我做了一件终生后悔的事──堕胎。那时高中刚毕业，知道自己怀孕后，心中只怕让母亲丢脸，也没让家人知道，就找了要好的同学商量。我的同学马上告诉我，她知道哪里可以堕胎，于是我们就去了那间私人医院，短短三十分钟就结束了一切（包含一条生命）。

In October of 1988, I did something that I regretted for the rest of my life – I had an abortion. At the time, I just graduated from high school, and when I realized that I was pregnant, the only thing on my mind was not to disgrace my mother. Therefore, without telling my family about my pregnancy, I consulted one of my friends. She immediately told me that she knew where to get an abortion, so we went to a private hospital. The entire procedure was over in merely 30 minutes (and this included ending a life).

事情结束后，白天的我，看不出有任何改变；但每到夜晚，我都是哭着和那条生命说对不起，哭到睡着。心中一直觉得很难过，很对不起那个孩子，经历了半年，心情才慢慢平静下来。最终和那位男友也分手了，因为每当看到他，我就想起我是一个残忍的人，我剥夺了一个小孩的生存权。

After the abortion, although no one could notice any change in me during the day time, I cried myself to sleep every night while apologizing to the life that I terminated. I felt really bad that I let the baby down, and it took me half a year to regain my peace of mind. Later on, I broke up with my boyfriend, because every time I saw him, I was reminded of my cruelty of depriving a child’s right to live. 

事情过去三年后，我几乎要忘了这件事。有一天晚上，我和二专的同学下课后骑车回家，在十字路口时发生车祸，我摔到马路中间，结果并无大碍。但是当我站起来走到马路边后，我吓了一大跳，路口那间医院正是我去堕胎的医院，当时我心中惊呼：“真是太巧合了！”

Three years later, I almost forgot about this series of events. One evening, I was on my way home, riding a bicycle with my college classmates. Unfortunately, at an intersection, I was in an accident involving a car. Although I fell down in the middle of the road, I was not badly hurt. After I stood up and walked to the road side, I was startled when I recognized the hospital near the intersection – it was where I had my abortion! I was astounded by this incredible coincidence.

又过了半年，我认识了新的男朋友，他带领我接触佛教，并鼓励我学佛。学佛后的我，才知道原来我所犯下的，是最重的罪，但已经无法挽回了！只能诵经回向或参加法会、立超度牌位来忏悔自己的过错。现在我已结婚生子，看到自己的孩子健康长大，心中常会想，如果当初我没有堕胎，今天也会有另一个生命可以生活在这个世上！所以我根本无法当一个骄傲的母亲，心中永远有一个充满惭愧的痛！

Six months later, I met a boyfriend. He introduced me to Buddhism and encouraged me to study the Buddhadharma. It was after I studied the Buddhardharma that I realized I committed the most serious offense of killing. However, it was too late to undo what I did. The only things I could do were to repent of my mistakes, recite sutras and transfer the resulting merit to the aborted child, participate in Dharma Assemblies, and set up rebirth plagues for the aborted child. Now I am married and have children. When I watch my children growing up healthy, I often think that if I didn’t have an abortion, there would be one more life in this world. Accordingly, there is no way for me to be a proud mother, with the pain of shame and regret forever in my heart!

二○○七年四月下旬，我作了一个梦，梦中我看到法师在帮一位居士剃头，宣公上人从旁边经过。我看到上人好高兴，就赶紧跟上去，我一直紧追在上人的后面。后来上人进入一个礼堂，有二位法师守在门口，在我前面有一位居士想进去，结果被阻挡；我也不怕，只想赶紧跟进去，结果她们并没有阻止我。

I had a dream in the latter half of April, 2007. In the dream, I saw a Dharma Master shaving the head of a layperson (i.e., a part of the ceremony when one becomes a monastic), and the Venerable Master Hua was passing by. I was very happy to see the Venerable Master, so I hurried after him. The Venerable Master entered a hall, where two Dharma Masters stood guard at its entrance. A layperson in front of me tried to enter, but his way was blocked. However, I wasn’t afraid; the only thing I wanted to do is to follow the Venerable Master. To my surprise, no one stopped me when I tried to enter.

当我进入礼堂后，礼堂内非常肃穆庄严，但我没有看到上人的身影。当时我心中非常着急与惊慌，只有一个念头就是：失去了这次机会，我似乎就要死了。接着，就低头伏跪在地上痛哭。这时，突然听到空中传来一句：“求哀忏悔！”我立刻从梦中惊醒过来。醒来后，对于梦中惊恐的感觉，还是十分真实，而且眼泪一直不由自主地流下来，心脏跳得很厉害，当时是早上七点。

After entering the hall, I found the interior very solemn and adorned, but I didn’t see the Venerable Master. I was really worried and alarmed. The only thought I had was: “If I miss this opportunity, I would die.” So I knelt on the floor and wept. Suddenly, I heard a voice in the air saying: “Seek compassion, repent and reform!” Upon hearing this, I was startled awake. The feeling of panic and fear was still very vivid, my heart was racing and I couldn’t stop crying. It was seven o’clock in the morning.

我脑中一直反覆思考：什么是“求哀忏悔”？要如何做到“求哀忏悔”呢？我想这是上人解救我的一个方法，我要好好把握，不可以再错过。后来我打电话询问法师该如何“求哀忏悔”？法师慈悲教导我礼拜《佛说佛名经》，当时万佛圣城也正在举行万佛忏。

I kept on trying to figure out the meaning of “Seek compassion, repent and reform,” and how to do so. I felt this was the way that the Venerable Master could save me, so I should treasure this opportunity. Later on, I called a Dharma Master and asked her how do I “seek compassion, repent and reform.” The Dharma Master compassionately instructed me to bow to the Sutra of the Buddha Speaking the Names of the Buddhas. It was amazing that when I made the call, CTTB was holding the Ten Thousand Buddhas’ Repentance Ceremony, where this Sutra was being recited.

我学佛后，除了忏悔自己所造堕胎的业，常想为什么我没有早一点学佛？如果这样，我就不会犯下这种罪了。上人说过台湾的杀业太重，太多人堕胎，我竟也是其中一人！我愿意把自己的经历说出来，警惕大众千万不要轻易造下堕胎、杀生的罪！未婚生子的难堪，跟杀生的罪比起来，根本微不足道。天下没有什么事是不能解决的，千万不要选择堕胎，生命消失后就再也不能挽回了！堕胎是想忘也忘不掉，而且是一辈子都无法弥补的过错！

After I studied the Buddhadharma, in addition to repenting of the negative karma I created by having an abortion, I kept wondering why I had not studied the Buddhardharma earlier. If I had done so, I would not have committed this serious offense. The Venerable Master had mentioned that the karma resulting from killing was very heavy in Taiwan for too many people were having abortions. Unfortunately, I was one of them! I am sharing my experience in order to caution everyone not to hastily commit a killing offense by having an abortion. Compared to the retribution resulting from a killing offense, the embarrassment of giving birth to a child out of wedlock is really minor. There is nothing that can’t be solved in this world, and thus never ever choose abortion as a solution; once a life is terminated, we can never bring it back! I can’t forget my abortion even if I try, and it’s a wrong that I can never redress for the rest of my life.