孩子！今天妈妈提笔写这封信，但是我不仅不知道你们的名字，甚至连你们的性别都不知道，只能称你们“老二、老五”；说来这都是爸妈的错……

Dear children: Mom is writing to you today, but I don’t even know your name or gender. I can only address you as “the second child and the fifth child.” All of this is your mom and dad's fault.

四十一年前，我和你们的爸爸才结婚第三年，就有了第二胎──就是老二你，心里很不以为然。那时还没有学习佛法，不懂真理，因无明烦恼，就一失足成千古恨，造了重大的罪业，就去堕胎了。手术结束后，昏迷中，我梦到自己躺在床上过世了，还见到你们的祖母说：“早知道这样，就不要堕胎了！”所以那时我是从鬼门关回来的！这个梦境，至今历历犹新。

Forty-one years ago, I was pregnant with you, the second child, only after being married to your dad for three years. I wasn't too concerned about this pregnancy. At that time, I have yet to study the Buddhadharma and didn’t understand the truth, and thus out of ignorance I committed a heavy karmic offense by having an abortion. This mistake has caused me everlasting sorrow. I was unconsciousness after the operation, and I dreamed that I died on the hospital bed. I also heard your grandmother said: “If you had known this earlier, you should not have gotten an abortion!” When I woke up, I realized that I just came back from death’s door. This dream is still vivid in my mind.

三年后，我又有了第五胎──也就是老五你。当时还是没有学习佛法，不懂得有了孕，就不可以嫌麻烦，一定要负起责任，把孩子生下来，抚育他（她）长大；因为这是自己造的业，自己要承担。然而，在那时候，不明理的我，对你的出现生大烦恼，因为你两位姐姐、一位哥哥都还小，而且这回是避孕失败，才又有孕的。所以，又去堕胎了，再次造了罪业！

Three years later, I was pregnant the fifth times with you, the fifth child. At that time, I still had not studied the Buddhadharma, and I didn’t understand that when one becomes pregnant, regardless of the amount of trouble, one must act responsibly by giving birth to the baby and raising him or her. I created this karma myself, and I should have accepted the responsibility for my actions. However, being confused, I was greatly afflicted by your upcoming birth. Your two elder sisters and one elder brother were still young, and I got pregnant because of ineffective birth control. Therefore, I had another abortion, and created another karmic offense!

后来，我很幸运，有机会遇到善知识──宣公上人，学习佛法，亲近正法道场，才知道要天天修行，忏悔、念佛……做功课，除了回向给你们外，也为你们做了种种功德，例如：立超度牌位、为你们受幽冥戒等，希望你们早日离苦得乐，生到极乐世界。

Later on, I was very fortunate to encounter a Good and Wise Teacher, the Venerable Master Hua, and started to study the Buddhadharma. I also drew near the monasteries that he founded, in which the proper Dharma flourished. Only then did I understand that I should cultivate every day, repent and reform, recite the Buddha's name, and dedicate the resulting merits to you. In addition, I did various wholesome acts on your behalf, such as setting up rebirth plaques and receiving the Precepts for the Deceased on your behalf. I hope both of you will quickly leave suffering and attain bliss, and be reborn in the Land of Ultimate Bliss.

现在我已经六十多岁了，一年前发现得了乳癌，我知道这是杀胎的因果报应成熟了，必须安然受报。可能是学佛的关系，承佛菩萨加被吧，虽罹患癌症，但无痛楚，乃至做切割手术，亦无痛苦。一年多来，可以过一般的生活，如正常人无异。所以，我真得很感激佛菩萨！

Now I am already over sixty years old. Last year, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I knew that the cancer was the ripening of my retribution from killing two fetuses, and I must accept it peacefully. Maybe because of my study of the Buddhadharma and the compassionate aid from the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, although I had cancer, I didn’t feel much pain; even the operation to remove the cancerous cells was not painful. For over a year now, I have been living a normal life. Therefore, I am very grateful to the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas!

但是，你们的阿姨，就没我这么幸运了。让我说说她的故事吧！她先生在外任职，自己是个职业妇女，生活忙碌，没有时间看顾孩子。当第二胎临盆时，先生不在，生下来是个男孩子，没学佛的她，没和夫婿商量，也不多加考虑，就很愚痴，也很大胆地告诉医生，不想要这个婴儿；这个医生也很大胆地将婴儿弄死。她造了这么大的杀人的罪业，当她五十五岁的时候，因果报应来了，得了乳癌。虽经手术、化疗……种种的治疗，两年后还是不愈过世了。其实，你们的阿姨是个很好的人，一般人都很讶异她得了癌症。唉，因果报应真不是开玩笑的！

However, your aunt was not as lucky as I am. Let me tell you her story. Both she and her husband had careers, and in their busy lives they didn’t have time to take care of children. Her husband was not present when she was delivering their second child, a boy. She did not study the Buddhadharma, and thus without consulting her husband or thinking more about it, she told the doctor with no hesitation that she didn’t want the baby. The doctor also killed the baby with no hesitation. Out of delusion, she committed a serious killing offense. When she was fifty-five years old, her retribution came -- she got cancer. Although she went through various treatments, such as surgery and chemotherapy, she still died in two years. Actually, your aunt was a very nice person, and many people were surprised that she had cancer. The principle of cause and effect is not something we should treat lightly!

还有一个亲戚，她也是个职业妇女，性情温顺，但没学佛。她曾经堕过不知几次胎，后来患了癌症，一块块凸出来的硬瘤，布满全身，苦不堪言，病情严重，医生束手无策。后来还是过世了，那年才四十五岁。

We had another relative, who also had career. She was very gentle and good-natured, but she didn’t study the Buddhadharma. I have no idea how many abortions she had. Later on, she got cancer, and there were tumors all over her body. She was very sick and in tremendous amount of pain, but her doctors could do nothing to help her. She died when she was only forty-five years old.

说到这儿，想想你们，要是你们在的话，一个已经四十一岁，一个是三十八岁了。照常人，也都该成家立业了。说来夫妻相处，应该互相尊重，要节欲，就不会有子女多的麻烦。佛化家庭最好，明白因果，有智慧，有择法眼，就不会造罪业。而且，还要吃素，因为吃素身心较清净，欲念轻；反之，荤食，欲念重，节欲不易。万一，真有孩子的时候，千万不可堕胎，不可推卸责任；不要像我一样造罪业，虽然那时我真的是不懂。

Talking about this relative’s age reminds me of you. If you were in this world, one of you would be forty-one years old and the other thirty-eight years old. Usually by this age, you would have a career and your own family. Speaking of being married, husband and wife should respect each other and control their sexual desires; this way, they won't get into the trouble of having too many children. A Buddhists family would be the best, since they understand cause and effect, and with wisdom and the ability to distinguish the true from the false, they won't commit karmic offenses. In addition, one should be a vegetarian, because a vegetarian diet will make one's body and mind purer, and one's desires lighter. In contrast, if one eats meat, one will have stronger desires, which makes it more difficult to control one’s sexual desires. If one gets pregnant, never ever shirk one’s responsibility. Don't create offenses like I did; I was truly ignorant then.

对不起！孩子们，请原谅我的无知，夺去你们做人的机会！我发愿生生世世出家修道，无家累的烦恼，就不会造这些罪业。我也要将修行的功德回向给你们，并请阿弥陀佛照顾你们。也希望“堕胎”这两个字，消失在世间，普天下的生灵离苦得乐！

I am sorry, my children! Please forgive me for my ignorance which took away your opportunity to be born as human beings. I vow that I will leave the home-life and cultivate the Bodhi Way in every life. I would not have created these karmic offenses if I were not afflicted by the burden of having a family. I also would like to dedicate the merit and virtue of my cultivation to both of you, and respectfully ask Amitabha Buddha to take care of you. Finally, I wish that the word “abortion” will disappear from this world, and all living beings can leave suffering and attain bliss!