|
一天，我聽到了音樂家巴茲‧勒門一首叫做「每個人都有權利擦防曬油」的歌，那是有關對97年度畢業生的演講。在這首演講的歌中，他說：「要小心誰教你去購買，但對忠告者卻要有耐心。勸告是一種回味的產品──曾經捨棄，你再把過去自垃圾筒找回，擦拭乾淨、粉刷一新，再超值利用。」我們都在成長，並經由許許多多的建議，而長成了我們這一個人。無論是同學、老師、父母、同胞手足、同事，或者朋友，我們都曾因為他們的建議，而影響了我們的決定。在一生之中，我們的遭遇都難免有起伏上下，但是我建議大家，要看事務的大體。
1991年，我隨著家人搬到萬佛聖城，就讀於育良小學與培德中學，這奠定成為今日之我的基礎。我原先在公立小學，只是個平均成績C等的學生，並不注重學習。我遇到不少鼓勵我用功讀書，以得到好成績的好同學和好朋友；當我在朋友身上看到他們的勤勉、用功，在考試成績與做功課的表現，這推動我也同樣去努力。因此我要說：朋友！如果沒有你們，我不會太在乎學校和大學；我打從內心深處感激你們！
我也要感謝我所有老師的經驗和知識，因為當我年少時，我沒有表示我真正的感激。由參加足球、籃球等運動，我從教練那兒學到自律和堅毅。在所有的訓練之後，我們的球隊有贏也有輸；失敗教我學到了運動精神與謙遜，力求改進，同時也教我如何尊重他人，並學習團隊合作。
2001年自柏克萊畢業後，我分別在四家不同的建築公司工作過；在每一個公司裏，我總是不單單學習做好份內工作的技能，還學習和人合作、瞭解顧客需求、發展良好的溝通技巧。我所學習發展出來的，便是我給予人的信賴度──我盡責地工作，直到在限期內完工；根據我在建築系的教育，去解決既有的問題，並推動整個系統和設計。凡事都無一定的答案，但是卻有更好的解決方案。我也在唸建築系時，認識我最要好的朋友；自他們那兒，我學會感恩自己所擁有的人生，並在活動中，找出令我有成就感的目標──我至今仍在探索這一點，等到我發現時，再告訴你！
打從出生，父母總是希望我們成為更好的人。成長期間，我反抗加諸於我們的教條、差事和工作；但也正是每一樁小小的差事和工作，打造了我人格的基礎。我瞭解我的父母要把豐富的知識和經驗傳授給我們，因為他們不要我們在人生中鑄下大錯──有些小過失我們可以迅速彌補過來，但另一些則須用一輩子的時間。他們教導我好好評估面臨的每一種境界，並在做決定之前，先徹底地思考過。反省既往，我真感謝我父母對我和姊姊、弟弟的照顧與關注。
我還要感謝我的姊姊、弟弟，他們幫助我度過了人生的轉捩點。在19歲那時，由於壞脾氣，以及對自我、他人和日常生活的不滿，我變得和姊姊、弟弟疏遠了。當我很快意識到我弟弟在迴避我、不和我多交談時，這真的令我去思考我一手造成的這個困境。我承認這個疏遠和距離是我的問題，因為那真的是我的錯。我知道我有壞脾氣的毛病，至於它肇始於何處、又如何改變？卻毫無端倪可尋。
在就讀柏克萊期間，我曾參加「柏克萊聖寺」週四舉辦的的「圓桌會議」，並請教恆實法師我的問題。他建議我不要去壓制我的忿怒，因為這樣只是一種暫時性的控制；為了去除我的瞋心，他讓我瞭解：瞋心只是附著在情緒上的一種思想。他引用了美國首位禪師的話說：「把心靈的前後門都打開，讓你的客人進來，但不必留他下來喝茶。」他所說的重點是：學習不要執著於令你生氣的思想，而是把它轉過來。我不懂他所說「轉過來」的意思，實法師又說，把那種思想的份量，轉變成像「你中餐要吃什麼」般輕微的小事情；他說，改變始於觀察與持續。我從我忿怒最顯著的一個地方下手，那就是開車發脾氣；我在開車時，會有爆怒的毛病，這通常會令我自己與乘客都置身於險境中。我開始密切觀察，並轉移瞋念；超過兩年之久，才見到效果。於是我放開手，針對每件會激起瞋怒的事情，去重複使用相同的方法。五年多以來，我和我弟弟的關係逐漸改善，和父母的關係也隨之而改進了。在我今後的人生旅途裏，我也會致力於此；我瞭解：對這逐漸的改變，我需要有耐心！
我們不知道，何時某種來自朋友或同事的勸告，會比金錢更有價值。對於接受別人給予我們的勸告，我們必須小心篩選；同時要感謝提供你知識、經驗和智慧的人。勸告是書上找不著的無價寶，只能從他人的人生經驗獲得。接受別人的勸告，希望其中的知識和智慧，能多少改進你的生活。
|
|
One day I was listening to a song sung by Baz Luhrmann, “Everybody is Free to Wear Sunscreen” to the Class of ’99. Within this song is a graduation speech and he says, “Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia; dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling for more than its worth.” We all grow in life and become the people we become through the advice of many. Whether it’s from fellow students, teachers, parents, siblings, colleagues, or dear friends, we all take some advice that influences the decisions we make. Through life we all have ups and downs, but I recommend to you all to look at the big picture.
Coming to Instilling Goodness and Developing Virtue Schools with my family back in 1991 set the foundation of who I was learning to become. I was a C average student back in my public elementary school and didn’t really care too much about studying or learning. I’ve met good fellow students and friends who inspired me to study and get good grades. When I saw the diligence, the effort going into studying for a test, the completed homework assignments turned in by my friends, it motivated me to do the same. I would say that if I didn’t have you, my friends, I would have not cared too much for school and university. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.
I also want to thank all my teachers for imparting their experience and knowledge to me when I was younger, but unfortunately I did not show my true appreciation. Getting involved with sports like soccer and basketball, I learned discipline and perseverance from my coaches. After all the training our team had victories and defeats. I learned sportsmanship and humility through our defeats, finding an avenue to better improve our game. This also taught me how to treat people with respect and work well with others.
After graduating from UC Berkeley in 2001, I worked for four different companies in the field of architecture. Everywhere I went, I always learned not just the applications of doing my job well, but working with people, understanding what customers wanted, and developing good communication skills. What I learned to develop was accountability. Being responsible for tasks and pulling through for completion by the deadlines. Solving the inherent problems, making the program and design work originated from my education in Architecture School. There are no right answers but there are better solutions than others. It was also in architecture school that I met my best friends from whom I have learned to appreciate the life I have and to find activities that give me a purpose and a sense of accomplishment; I’m still figuring this last one out, and I’ll let you know when I find a few answers.
From the beginning of our birth, our parents always wish and hope that we can become better people. Growing up, I resisted the rules, my tasks and my chores. But it was from every little task and chore that I built the foundation of my character. I understand now that my parents have a wealth of knowledge and experience that they share because they don’t want me to make any big mistakes in life. Some mistakes we can recover from quickly and others will take a lifetime to recover from. My parents taught me well in assessing every situation and thinking thoroughly before making a decision. Reflecting back, I am grateful for my parents’ care and attention towards myself and my other siblings.
I also wanted to thank my siblings for helping me through a turning point in my life. At the age of 19, I was becoming rather distant with my siblings due to my bad temper, my dissatisfaction with myself, others, and life in general. When I realized that my younger brother was avoiding me and not talking to me much because of my new outlook in life, it really made me think about the predicament I had created. I took responsibility for this gap because it was in fact my fault. I knew that I had an anger problem and I was clueless as where to start or how to change.
While studying in Berkeley I would join the Thursday night Round Table discussions held at the Berkeley Buddhist Monastery and eventually I consulted with Master Heng Sure about my problem. He suggested that I shouldn’t suppress my anger because the suppression only controls my anger temporarily. To get rid of the anger, he made me first understand that anger is just a thought that is attached to an emotion. He quoted one of the first Zen Masters in America, “Leave the front and back door of your mind open. Let your guests come but do not serve them tea.” Essentially, he said, learn not to dwell on the thoughts that cause you to become angry and “turn them.” I didn’t understand what he meant by turning the thought. Master Heng Sure said to turn the weight of that thought to something small and light like “what are you having for lunch?” He said change starts with observation and non-denial. I started with an area that anger was prominent and that was road rage. I had road rage and anger issues on the road when I drove. In most cases I put my passengers and myself in danger. I started to observe closely and after two years of trying to turn over my thoughts of anger, I had results. I then ventured to anything that would provoke anger and repeated the same formula. Over the course of these past five years, my relationship with my younger brother became better. My relationship with my parents has also improved as a result of my anger management. For the rest of my life’s journey, I will be working on my anger. I understand now that I had to be patient in order for this gradual change to take place.
We never know when a piece of advice is worth more than money, be it from friends, colleagues, or family. We need to be careful with the advice we accept and thank those who offer their knowledge, experience and wisdom. Advice is priceless information that cannot be found in a book, but only in someone’s journey through life. Take what you can from those who offer advice; hopefully the knowledge and wisdom will somehow improve your life.
|
