|
今天我跟大家說一則一個小女孩和她母親的故事。她母親老是餓她，吼她，折磨她，你們可能以為：「啊哈！她一定是後母！」不對！她是小女孩的生母，不折不扣親生的媽。如今，小女孩脫離這種黑暗已有六年，可是她仍然不能忘記過去和內心深處的傷痕。
兩歲時，小女孩跟隨要修碩士學位的母親來到了美國；她們在一起住了三年，這三年是既黑暗又模糊。她唯一記得的是母親總是叫罵不絕，她往往手足無措，不知如何表達內心的感受，於是就藉由行為和動作來表達。她常常發脾氣、亂踢，大哭大叫；母親愈嚴厲，她哭聲愈響。
母親完成碩士學位以後，他們回台灣和父親團聚。教授父親，碩士母親，聽來好像現代版的童話故事；這些故事常以「從此以後，他們永遠過著幸福美滿的生活……」做結尾，可是現實生活並非如此。母親常和父親吵架，小女孩成為她的出氣筒；母親將所有不幸都歸咎於她，什麼都是她的錯！
十歲那年，父親經過再三考慮，決定把女孩帶離母親；她終於脫離了母親的掌控，可是過去的陰影仍然籠罩著她，跟隨著她。「我可以原諒母親，我辦得到！」女孩一直跟自己這麼說。一天，當她發現再也說服不了自己的時候，就去求助於老師。聽完女孩的故事之後，老師問：「在我們口說原諒別人的時候，常意謂著我們把自己擺在一個比別人高的位置上；換句話說，我們要寬宥的對象是徹底錯了，而我們則是百分之百對。是嗎？」女孩想了一會兒，她總是站在小孩的觀點來看待母親；在她幼小的時候，母親像似個危險人物，就如一座隨時會爆發的火山。明白及此，她哭了；和著成串淚珠的是心痛，是傷痛，她想起了母親成長的故事。
她母親的父親喜歡賭博、喝酒和吸煙，以致於負債累累；到後來，成了警方通緝的對象，到處躲藏，母親的母親只好賣力工作來撫養三個孩子。即使她母親在學校是第一名，所有同學還是嘲笑她是通緝犯的女兒；國中畢業，她進城唸高中，但是受人輕蔑如故。連她的第一個男朋友公然在他家人面前蔑視她，也是因為這個原因。生活是這麼艱難，但她仍然盡其所能地照顧兩個弟弟，給家裡寄錢。她是個強勢的女人，在婚姻上也是這樣；或許因為她太渴望保護婚姻，並擁有美滿的家庭，結果卻恰恰相反。最後她離了婚，孩子離她而去…；整個夢就此破滅了。
想到母親 經歷了這麼多的艱難，還能夠撫育女兒，可不容易啊！因此，小女孩下定決心：等她長大，有了能力，也不再恐懼了，她要去找母親，並幫助母親。為什麼呢？因為她依然深愛這位全世界最偉大的母親──她的母親。
感謝大家聆聽我和母親的故事。
|
|
Today I want to tell everybody a story of a little girl and her mother. Her mother starved her, yelled at her, tortured her in all sorts of ways. “Aha! She must be a stepmother,” you may think. However, that is incorrect. The mother is the little girl’s birth mom, her biological mother. Now, the little girl has escaped the darkness for six years already. But she still cannot forget the past and the deep scar at the bottom of her heart.
When she was two years old, the little girl came with her mother to the United States for her mother to pursue a Master’s Degree. They lived together for three years. The three years were dark and nebulous. The only thing that she could remember was her mother’s constant yelling and scolding. At the time, she didn’t know what to do. She did not know how to express her inner feelings. Thus, she expressed them through behavior and actions. She frequently threw tantrums, kicked, cried and yelled. The harsher her mother became, the louder the little girl cried.
After the mother completed her Master’s degree, they went back to Taiwan and reunited with the father. A professor dad and a mom with a Master’s sounds like some modern version of fairytales. The stories always end in “and together, they lived happily ever after…” but that was not how it was in reality. Mother often fought with father and vented her anger at the girl. Her mother blamed all the misfortunes on the little girl. Everything was the girl’s fault.
When the girl turned 10 years old, her father decided after much thinking, to take her away from her mother. She finally escaped from her mother but the shadow of the past still clung to her, always following her. “I can forgive my mother. I can do this,” the girl always said to herself. One day she realized she couldn’t persuade herself, so she went to find a teacher. Upon hearing the girl’s story, the teacher asked, “When we say forgive; it often implies that we put ourselves in a higher position then others. In other words, it’s like saying the person we want to forgive is completely wrong and we are a hundred percent right, isn’t it?” The girl thought for a moment. She had always thought of her mother from a little kid’s perspective. When she was younger, her mother seemed like a dangerous person, always ready to explode like a volcano. After some reflection on this, she began crying. Along with the stream of tears came the hurt, the pain. She remembered her mother’s story.
Her mother’s father loved to gamble, drink and smoke. Thus he was deeply in debt. In the end he became a wanted fugitive, always having to hide away. Her mother’s mother had to work very hard to take care of her three kids. Even though the girl’s mother was ranked number one in school, all her classmates would make fun of her, saying that she was the daughter of a fugitive. After junior high, her mother went to school in the city. However, she still was looked down upon. Her first boyfriend dumped her in front of his family also because of this reason. Life was hard. But she still did her best, taking care of her two younger brothers and sending money home whenever possible. She was a very strong woman, and later on married. Perhaps because she wanted very much to protect the marriage and have a wonderful family, it turned out to be the opposite. Finally, she was divorced; her child left her—the whole dream had ended.
Enduring so much hardship and still managing to raise her daughter was not easy. Thus, the little girl made a decision. She decided that when she grows up, has the ability, and is no longer afraid, she will go to find her mother and help her… why? Because she still loves the world’s greatest mother, her mother.
Thank you for listening to this story about me and my mother.
|
