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《地藏經》是我十一年前看到的第一部佛經，當時就有很大的安穩感覺──即使是在地獄中，也還有這樣大慈悲的菩薩為做救護。平時每年在自己生日時，為父母念七天的《地藏經》；我奶奶及其它親屬去世時，我也是念《地藏經》回向，自以為是淨宗弟子。
去年我四十歲，想想不要再為自己而活了；在失業以後，就發心回國，廣結有緣。業障重故，做錯了事；回美以後，確實感覺到命不久常、惡業難逃的極端恐怖。在那樣染汙的狀態下，自知與淨土不相應了，淨信已退；可憐地到處尋求依怙，最後，還只有乞求大慈地藏菩薩。因為地藏菩薩最能瞭解我這樣的障重眾生，不能勤修無常觀、不淨觀及無我觀等，無法自已，難免起諸罪障。雖然一直發心拜占察懺，但只是在今年四月初一，才終於開始堅持每天至心禮拜懺悔。「占察懺」是地藏菩薩親自教授的懺法，每一拜都有詳細入裏的觀法，能速除諸障，增長堅固清淨的信心。
由於我意志平庸、心力散亂，並沒有什麼殊勝的境界；只在第一天的晚上，夢見自家園子的障子邊上，有一棵小桃樹，上面還沒有果，而地裏的玉米倒是長得很快、很大。我知道，那是「逃脫罪障的樹已生，雖沒有果，但是資糧生長得很快」的意思。
拜占察懺，越來越感受到地藏菩薩的大慈之心；無數劫來，不知這是第多少次了，我勞累菩薩來救護。現在打七中，才知道：在人生道路上，當我跌到最底層時，那一點不屈而要回轉的心力，是來自于地藏菩薩的大願力；我的任何小小的善根，和所發起的任何正願，都是大慈地藏菩薩一次次把我從罪業苦道中救脫、又教我正法時所栽培的。於是在內心深處，對地藏菩薩的願力，生起確實的、從未有過的信心；那一剎那，滿眼含淚，甚至膝蓋都在顫抖。
在拜懺的這段時間，我從未有過如此地愛樂法，知道只有法才能帶來清淨。雖然罪性本空，但從虛妄顛倒心起，無有定實而可得者；但還需要不斷連續地用功，心才漸漸顯現清淨的法。有時我會懷疑：我真的可以淨除罪障嗎？比如有一天早晨走進佛堂，心中感嘆：「菩提涅槃，尚在遙遠！」而坐下來翻開《占察經》，正好看到地藏菩薩為怯弱眾生而作的善安慰，說：「一切諸法，如夢如幻；煩惱生死，性甚微弱，易可令滅。煩惱生死，本來不生，實復無滅；自性寂靜，即是涅槃。」有時失望於沒有見到好相，可是想想：世間再沒有比發菩提心、願救度一切如母眾生，更大的功德了！無論如何，我都要依地藏菩薩大慈之力，才有與眾生共出苦輪的希望！
在《占察經》，地藏菩薩為我這樣的鈍根眾生開示「唯心識觀」；一切的境界，都是自己的心所現。見到好的人事物，是自己的心柔善了一些；如果周遭的人事物幾乎不可忍受了，就知道那是自己的心有問題了，該打七了！
最後應該提到的是：這幾天裏，我深深讚歎聖城處處可見的，用全部身心，無私地護持三寶的人們。我也第一次了知：自己一直以來，對老和尚所講的法，以輕忽心看過，而失卻真實利益的過失。
我要牢記：在我最恐怖、最絕望的時候，只有地藏菩薩可以做為我真實的依怙之主。地藏菩薩又教我如何懺悔、如何修習唯心識觀；甚至我回國時，稱念一萬聖號，來回都沒有時差。真是無微不至地照顧，處處安慰開導；如此的大恩德，想起來就感激不盡。所以無論今生能否得見好相，我都要以現前暫時生起的希有清淨信心，繼續至心殷重地懺罪集資，學習護持三寶，速修止觀，往生西方；然後追隨大慈本尊地藏菩薩，於十方世界救苦眾生。
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The Earth Store Sutra was the first Buddhist Sutra that I read. That was eleven years ago. Even then, I felt a sense of great security (from the first recitation). Even in the hells, there is still such a compassionate and kind Bodhisattva to save and protect us. Every year on my birthday I recited the
Sutra of the Past Vows of Earth Store Bodhisattva for seven days for my parents. When my grandmother and other relatives passed away, I also recited the
Earth Store Sutra and transferred the merit to them. I considered myself a disciple of the Pure Land School.
Last year I turned forty and decided that I would not live for myself any more. After being laid off from work, I wanted to devote myself to creating affinities with many beings, so I went back to my home country. Because of my heavy karma, I did something wrong. I returned to the US and I felt extremely fearful that my life might be short and it might be hard to evade the consequences of bad karma. With such a defiled mind, I knew that I was no longer in accordance with the Pure Land. I had retreated from faith in the Pure Land. Hence I ran about everywhere trying to find a place to rely on. Finally, I realized that I could only beseech great compassion from Earth Store Bodhisattva. Earth Store Bodhisattva can best understand beings such as I, who have heavy karmic obstacles and cannot yet vigorously contemplate impermanence, impurity, and non-self. These beings lack self-restraint, and therefore it is difficult not to create new obstacles. Even though I always wanted to bow the Repentance for Divining One’s Offenses, I succeeded in doing so each day only after April 1st this year. The Repentance for Divining One’s Offenses is a Dharma-door taught by Earth Store Bodhisattva. There is a detailed method for contemplation for each bow. It can rapidly eliminate one’s karmic obstacles and increase and reinforce pure faith.
I lack strong nerves and concentration and my mind is very scattered. I have not had any auspicious states yet, except for one night, I dreamt of a small peach tree in my backyard. There was no peach on the tree, yet the corn in the ground was growing fast. I knew that the tree represented the cleansing of my bad karma, and the fruit had not ripened yet. On the other hand, the prerequisites were growing fast.
More and more I felt the great compassion of Earth Store Bodhisattva when bowing the Repentance for Divining One’s Offenses. Since infinite eons, I have been saved by the Bodhisattva infinite times. From this seven-day session, I finally realized the mental power that helped me bounce back from the bottom of my life was from the great vow power of Earth Store Bodhisattva. Each small good root and proper wish of mine was all planted by Earth Store Bodhisattva when he saved me from evil destinies in the past. Thus deep in my heart a solid faith in Earth Store Bodhisattva has arisen which I have never had before. At that moment, tears filled my eyes and my knees were trembling.
During the repentance, I never had such a sincere desire for Dharma and knew that only the Dharma can bring purity to my mind. Even though the essential nature of sin is empty, sin originates from the false mind and there is nothing real and substantial to grasp onto. However, we should still cultivate continuously. Only then will the pure Dharma appear gradually. Sometimes I wonder if I can really eliminate all my karmic obstacles. For example, one day as I walked into the Buddha hall, I sighed: “Enlightenment and Nirvana are still far away”. When I sat down and read the
Sutra for Divining One’s Good and Bad Retributions, I came across how Earth Store Bodhisattva comforted weak beings: “All dharmas are like dreams and illusions. Afflictions, birth and death are of little power, and easy to eliminate. They are originally no afflictions, and birth and death are only the inherent nature, and that is Nirvana.” Sometimes I was disappointed because I did not see good signs. However, when I thought about it, no merit could be greater than the vow of the Bodhisattva to save all living beings. No matter what, I must rely on Earth Store Bodhisattva’s great compassion; only then can I hope to leave suffering with all other living beings.
In the Sutra for Divining One’s Good and Bad Retributions, Earth Store Bodhisattva teaches the “mind-&-consciousness-only contemplation” for dull beings like me. All the surroundings manifest as a result of my own mind. If we encounter good people or events, that is because our mind is gentle and kind. If the surrounding people and things feel unbearable, we should be aware that our mind has problems—it is time to do a seven day session!
On a final note, I sincerely praise people in the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas who devote all their hearts and bodies, with such a selfless spirit to protecting the Triple Jewel. I understood for the first time that I have missed the genuine benefits of Venerable Master Hua’s Dharma-teaching because of my previous pride and negligence.
I should always bear in mind that only Earth Store Bodhisattva can be counted on during the most difficult times. Earth Store Bodhisattva taught me how to repent and study the “mind-&-consciousness-only contemplation”. Even when I was on the airplane on the way back to my home country, I recited his holy names 10,000 times and did not have jet lag. Bodhisattva takes care of me and teaches me anytime and anywhere. I am full of gratitude whenever I think about his great help and generosity. Thus, it does not matter whether or not I see auspicious signs during this lifetime. I will maintain the pure faith I have now and continue to repent sincerely and accumulate merit, learn to protect the Triple Jewel, quickly practice stopping-contemplation, gain rebirth in the Western Pure Land, and then follow the greatly compassionate Earth Store Bodhisattva to save suffering beings in all directions.
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