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其實說也很奇怪，打七的頭一天，我就好像已經知道，自己今天晚上會被邀上臺談心得；而且一直就有這麼一個念頭，要我「將每日所學的作筆記」，我當然未予理會，因為我跟同修總是湊熱鬧多過學習；我們每次來參加觀音七或地藏七，都是一、兩天就走了，首先是因為我們很忙，其次也是因為沒有足夠的定力。這次我雖然有考慮過打全七，但卻從沒想到，原本預定要去看的一場貿易展覽，在最後一兩分鐘取消，使我們得以全程打七。所以這次七能打圓滿，對我們而言，是一個非常有意義的經驗。
我非常感激同修在百忙中抽空配合。我平生從未早上3：30起床過，這是莫大的考驗。剛開始我只想參加一、兩天，跟大眾一起誦〈楞嚴咒〉，後來也不知怎的，就每天想上早課。雖然天氣冷，也很愛睡，卻也還忍得住；而且每天都不會覺得太累。
〈普門品〉裡有很多偈誦都非常感人，比如「無垢清淨光，慧日破諸暗」、「眾生被困厄，無量苦逼身」；每誦一次，就令我感動一次。觀音菩薩的慈悲能拔苦予樂，常常讓我覺得自己非常自私。我在金融界浸染了差不多八年，雖然事業小有成就，也同時增長了傲慢心與自私心。在打七中，我看到了自己許多的缺點。所以每當聆聽萬佛城的家風：「問自己是不是不貪？……問自己是不是不自私……」時，我就覺得自己還有很長的一段路要走。
在繞念菩薩聖號時，我有時用觀想念聖號、有時就數著自己的腳步，希望可以將妄念減到最低點。快板念佛時，我有時覺得自己的妄念也跟著加快，像是在跟著聖號比賽……。總而言之，培養「一心不亂」，對我而言，是要用極大的注意力，而同時還要不勉強。
靜坐雙盤，是最具挑戰性。我早上坐跟下午坐差別很大：早上坐可以完全投入，下午坐則腿痛得非常厲害。在打七的一天下午，我雙腿痛得渾身發熱，而妄念是像波浪那麼洶湧。突然間，在心裡，我聽到自己的聲音說：「不一定要有，也不一定要沒有，自自然然的，要忍耐些。」我頓時覺得奇怪，怎麼我可以說出這麼深奧的道理？思考之後，我就益發精進了兩天。
昨晚，在晚課繞佛時，我的眼淚就莫名的流下，因為，從我心裡發出來的聲音是這樣的：「你這樣一直繞一直繞不累嗎？你到底要跑多遠？不管你跑多遠，你還是要回來……。」我不曉得為什麼我會對自己說以上的這段話；但是，這段話對我有啟發性。
總括來說，在這段打七期間，我學習了很多。其中，讓我感覺最深刻的是：學佛法一定要把自己的意見、看法、自私心、貪心等等放下，也就是真能把自己忘記，恆順眾生；如果這一層做不到，無論再誦多少經，我想也是枉然的。願我們一起學習！阿彌陀佛。
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I thought it was kind of strange that even during the first day of attending the Guanyin Recitation Session, I had a feeling (or maybe a voice) that told me I would be speaking on stage tonight, and that I had to take notes everyday for this session. Of course I didn’t pay much attention to it. This is because my husband and I would come to the Guanyin and Earth Store Recitation Sessions every once in a while, we would stay for only a day or two. We were here for the events more than for real learning. Although this time, it did occur to me that I should stay for the whole session, we weren’t sure that we could make it, because we are quite busy with our lives. Also, we thought we probably didn’t have enough will power to stay. What made our staying for the whole seven days possible was that the trade show my husband had planned to go to was cancelled at the last minute. That we are able to finish the whole session is very meaningful for us.
First of all, I would like to thank my husband for taking seven days out of his busy schedule to cooperate with me. It was surprising that I was able to attend the Shurangama Mantra recitation in the morning ceremony for all these seven days. You have to understand that I had never been able to get up at 3:30 a.m. in the morning. I thought I would last only for one or two days. Although I was tired, sleepy and the weather was bitterly cold, I have pulled through everyday without feeling tired.
Many verses in the Universal Door Chapter are very touching. Every time I recited them, my heart was moved. Guanyin Bodhisattva’s kindness and compassion help eradicate beings’ suffering and bestow on them joy; it makes me feel small and selfish. For eight years, I have been in the banking and finance field, with a little accomplishment. Yet it has also nurtured my selfishness and arrogance. This session enabled me to reflect and come face to face with my shortcomings. Also, when listening to the Six Guidelines in the ceremonies, “No fighting, no greed, no selfishness…” I realize that I still have a long way to go in cultivation.
During the walking recitation, sometimes I tried to listen to my own recitation, or tried to be mindful of my footsteps, in order to limit my false thinking. Sometimes during the fast-paced recitation, my false thoughts also sped up, almost proportionally, as if they were competing with the recitation itself. In brief, to develop a concentrated mind, I need to really apply myself while not over-forcing myself.
The full lotus position is the most challenging. I not only had to try to control my thoughts, I also had to bear the great pain in my legs. I felt fresh in the morning, so it was a lot easier to get through in the morning than in the afternoon during which excruciating pain occurred. My body felt as if it was on fire, and I lost all concentration. As I was enduring all this, there suddenly arose an inner voice saying, “If it comes, it comes, don’t force it. Just let it be, and be patient.” I was amazed on the spot at how I could have uttered words of such profundity, but it bolstered me with vigor for another two days.
Last night when we were circumambulating in the Buddha Hall reciting Amitabha, for no apparent reason tears welled up and streamed down my face. A voice from inside said: “Don’t you feel tired of walking like this, circling around and around? How much farther do you still have to go? No matter how far you go, you still will have to come back…” I don’t know why I would say this to myself, but it came as an inspiring and meaningful message for me!
In conclusion, during this session, I learned a lot. My deepest impression is that, to be a student of Dharma, I must leave behind all my thoughts, ideas, greed, and selfishness to attain selflessness and to accord with living beings. If I can’t even do that, it wouldn’t help no matter how many more sutras I recite. Let’s all learn together. Amitabha.
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