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大概是自己根器愚鈍，我在大學畢業後，才經過學佛同事的帶領，陸續知道一點有關佛教的訊息，再藉著佛友的流通以及自己隨喜助印的因緣，漸漸也得到一些佛經、佛菩薩像來誦持供奉，就這樣過了七、八年。至於談到對佛教有些真正認識，那得從我和我同修果榮皈依上人的機緣講起。
那時，我們經營一家皮鞋店。這是家傳的行業，在我們手裡，生意一直蒸蒸日上。一九八八年十月裡，一位我們素來敬重、固定會到店裡收取善款的師姐，告訴我們一個消息，美國「萬佛聖城」的宣化上人，率領他的出家弟子正在臺灣巡迴弘法，11月3日晚間將在臺北「中山堂」舉行最後一場法會，要好好把握機會，一定要去參加。（這是我們頭一次聽到上人，多孤陋寡聞！）我們連聲說好，說到時候一定會去。可是十一月二日，來買鞋的客人特別多，忙得我們應接不暇，搞到很晚才打烊。拖著疲憊的身軀回到家中，我一如往常，下廚煮麵作宵夜（那時我們已經蛋素兩年了。）吃著聊著，我們忽發「奇想」：「咦，每個月的前五天不是發薪日嗎？難怪今天生意特別好！放著這麼好的生意不做，跑去參加法會，多可惜呀！我們明天不要去了。」（典型的「財迷心竅」！）話才講完，兩人的肚子不約而同地發生怪異的扭絞，接下來就是他來我去，輪流「捧腹出恭」。當時三歲多、也吃了麵的女兒寬怡看得好生奇怪：「爸爸媽媽，你們怎麼啦？」（唉，誰曉得！）跑了好幾趟廁所，眼見瀉肚的情況沒有好一點，我忍不住又生「奇想」：「我看，咱們明天還是去吧！」他才剛點頭說好，說也奇怪，不用服任何止瀉藥，我們的腹瀉竟然立時收住了腳。經過這一番折騰，即使「剛強」「貪財」的我們，也只好「俯首就範」乖乖地謹守約定去聽法。
在記敘我們的第一次恭聆上人說法之前，且讓我說說在這之前，我做過的一個「奇怪」的夢。
大約是1978年，那年我大一，放暑假在家。因為南臺灣的夏季燠熱異常，有一天中午，我在陽台上小寐。恍惚間，看見教室外坐著一位仙風道骨的老者。他白眉白長髯，眼神炯炯，正給同學逐一把脈「相命」，我很自然地也加入排隊的人群。很快就輪到我了。當我伸出右手腕，誰料老人的指尖一觸及我的手腕，當下拋下一句：「你這個人太自私了。」說完竟然掉頭就走了。我被他搞得滿頭霧水，不知哪裡得罪他了，我的腳下可不敢怠慢，全力追趕。此時，老人疾走在前，我發現他衣袂飄飄下的足履，居然腳不沾地！料想自己是怎樣也趕不上了，不如邊跑邊問吧：「老先生，您說出我的缺點，我也想改，可是您老人家得告訴我，該怎麼改啊？」老人一聽，似乎滿意了，停下腳步；一等我追上，就慎重其事地從上衣口袋掏出一張照片，不，是一張「底片」，一張約模二吋左右的半身大頭照。「哪」，老人把底片推到我面前：「你得跟他多學學。」我努力地端詳，想把底片當成照片來看。我仔細打量，想看出底片中人是不是我認識的？長相如何？歲數多大？…看了半天，也看不出所以然；唯一能確定的是：「他是個男性，頂上無髮。」就在那個時候，我才注意到天已暗了，自己與老人站在一幢建築物的正門口，好像是劇院，觀眾席前面的舞台燈火輝煌，不知在做什麼，…，一閃神間，我就醒了。此後，在歲月的淘洗下，這個不可索解的謎夢，在我的記憶裡，不曾稍褪，一直在那兒熠熠發光，似乎是提醒著我，也像是催促著我。
十一月三日晚上七點鐘，我們隨著人潮湧入了「中山堂」大廳－－這個劇院似的建築物，我們以前從未來過，我卻有似曾相似的熟悉。觀眾席是一片黑壓壓的人頭，個個翹首凝神，引頸遠望著臺上燈火輝煌中的…，現在，我終於知道「他們」在做什麼，「他」是誰了。因為，雖然相距甚遠，當我一見到上人，我的視線立刻模糊了，如離家遠行的遊子，乍見父母親人有著說不出的感傷與親切…。隨著眾人，我們一起皈依上人，當時他老人家開示：「今天你們每個人帶回家的功課是禮佛一萬拜。」當我們正在爭先恐後，踴躍前進想頂禮上人的時候，他老人家雖坐在遠處似乎也「看見」了：「你們不要這麼你推我擠的，一個勁兒地往前衝，擋住後頭的人你也不管，要知道我們『萬佛聖城』的六大宗旨，就是不爭，不貪，不求，不自私，不自利，不妄語…。」我一聽不禁肅然：這些，不都在對治我的毛病嗎？！
皈依上人以後，不久，我們吃純素不再吃蛋了。隔年，小女兒寬珩出世。再下一年，我們也放下了鞋店的生意。
許多年之後，我終於在一首偈頌裡，真正發現自己的自私是什麼，也明白自己要努力的方向是什麼，那就是，佛陀的「四弘誓願」－－
眾生無邊誓願度，煩惱無盡誓願斷，
法門無量誓願學，佛道無上誓願成。
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Perhaps because of my dull roots, I did not get to learn about Buddhadharma until after I graduated from college. I was introduced to Buddhism by a Buddhist colleague. Subsequently, in the process of contributing to the printing and distribution of sutras and books, I gradually acquired sutras to read and images of Buddhas and Bodhisattvas to worship. This went on for seven or eight years. Speaking of my true understanding of Buddhism, I would have to start with when my husband, Guo-Rong, and I took the refuge with the Venerable Master Hua.
At that time, we owned a shoe store, which had been passed down from the previous generation in our family. The business of the store became better and better in our hands. In October 1988, a respected dharma sister who came regularly to collect donations from us told us some news: the Venerable Master Hua from the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas in the U.S. was coming to propagate the Buddhadharma with his disciples throughout Taiwan. The last Dharma Assembly was to be held at Zhongshan Hall on November 3rd in Taipei. She suggested that we seize this opportunity and participate in this event. (This was the first time I had ever heard of the Master’s name. How ignorant I was!) We promised that we would go. However, on November 2nd, we were extra busy due to a sudden increase of customers. We did not get to close the store until really late that night. We dragged our tired bodies home. As usual, I cooked some noodles in the kitchen as our midnight snack. (At that time, I had been a lacto-vegetarian for two years.) My husband and I were chatting as we were eating our snacks. All of a sudden, I realized something and said, “The first five days of every month are paydays. No wonder our business was extra good today. It would be a pity to give up such good profits in order to participate in the Dharma assembly. Let’s not go to the event tomorrow.” This is a typical sign of getting confused and lost in the craving for money. Right after I said this, both of our stomachs started growling. We had to take turns to use the toilet. At the time, my three-year-old daughter, Kuan-Yi, who also ate the noodles, looked at us oddly and said, “Daddy, Mommy, what happened?” “Who knows?” I said to myself. We went to the bathroom a couple of times and the problem did not get better. Another thought crossed my mind: “Maybe we should go to the assembly tomorrow.” My husband nodded in agreement. Strangely enough, at that moment the diarrhea stopped without any medication. After such a horrible experience, we, greedy and tough in nature, could not do anything but keep our promise and go to the Dharma lecture.
Before I start talking about the first lecture I heard from the Venerable Master, let me tell you about a weird dream I had in the past.
It was about 1978 when I was a freshman in college. I was home for the summer. Due to the extreme hot summer in southern Taiwan, I decided to take a nap on my porch in the afternoon. In my dream, I saw a lofty old man sitting outside of my classroom. His eyebrows and beard were long and white; his eyes were bright and clear. He was reading my classmates’ palms as a fortuneteller. I naturally joined the group that was waiting in line. Soon it was my turn. When I extended my right palm, the elder touched my wrist with his fingertip and threw these words at me: “You are too selfish.” Then he turned around and left. I was so confused by what he said. I was not sure what I had done to offend him. I chased after the fast-walking elder, not daring to slow down a bit. As the elder was walking swiftly away from me, I realized that the feet underneath his flowing robe did not touch the ground. I thought to myself: “I’ll never be able to catch up with him; why don’t I just ask him questions while I am running?” I said, “Mister, I want to correct my shortcomings that you just told me about. But you’ve got to tell me how I should change myself.” Once the elder heard my words, he seemed satisfied and slowed down. As soon as I caught up, he very solemnly took a picture out his pocket. Oh, it was actually a negative, not a picture. It was two by two in size. He slid the negative in front of me and said, “You should learn from him.” I took a close look at the negative as if I was looking at a real picture. I tried to figure out whether I knew this person or not. What does he look like? How old is he? I could not make out anything except for the fact that this person was male and had no hair. Then, I realized that it was getting dark. The elder and I were standing in front of an entrance of a building that appeared to be a theater. The lights were splendid on the stage in front of the audience. I did not know what they were doing. Ever since then, this puzzling dream never faded from my memory. It has been glittering in the far corners of my mind trying to remind me of something or encourage me to do something.
At seven o’clock on November 3rd, I followed the crowd into the lobby of Zhongshan Hall—the building that resembled a theater. I had never been here in the past but felt like I had—a
deja vu experience. The seats were full of people gazing upwards in concentration at someone on the splendidly lit stage. Now, I finally knew what ‘they’ were doing and who ‘he’ was. Right away, although there was quite a bit of distance between the Master and me, my vision blurred at my first sight of the Venerable Master. Like a child who had traveled far away from home, I felt an indescribable sadness and closeness like seeing my parents. Following the assembly, we together took the refuge with the Venerable Master, who gave a Dharma talk: “Your homework assignment today is to bow to the Buddha ten thousand times.” When we were fighting to pay our respect by bowing to the Master, he seemed to ‘see’ what was going on despite the distance between the crowd and him. He said, “You should not push each other in trying to come forward without caring if you block someone behind you or not. You should know that the City of the Ten Thousand Buddhas has Six Great Principles. They are: Do not fight, do not be greedy, do not seek, do not be selfish, do not pursue personal advantage and do not lie.” When I heard these words, I felt great respect in my heart. Aren’t these principles used to counteract our bad habits?
Not long after taking the refuge with the Master, we became pure vegetarians and stopped eating eggs. The following year, my daughter, Kuan-Heng, was born. A year after her birth, we gave up the shoe store business.
Many years later, I finally discovered the selfishness within me from a verse and also realized the direction I should diligently march toward. The verse states the Four Vast Vows of a Bodhisattva:
Beings are limitless in number; I vow to liberate them.
Afflictions are inexhaustible; I vow to cut them off.
Dharma doors are immeasurable, I vow to learn them all.
The Buddha’s path is unsurpassed; I vow to realize it.
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