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我生長在臺灣新竹，從小就不愛講話，一天講不到幾句話，甚至不會講話，所以老師給我的評語總是「沉默寡言」。我喜歡思考問題；有個疑惑一直在心裡，就是「我到底從哪裡來？人死了會到哪裡去呢？」稍長，有一天問母親：「人死了到哪裡去呢？」她回答：「死了就死了嘛！」母親未能給我滿意的答案；我接著又問：「是不是每個女孩子都要結婚生小孩？」母親答：「這個世上的傳統就是這個樣子。」當時我一聽不禁感慨地想：女人的一生就是這麼過嗎？要人結婚是誰訂下的規矩？難道不能跳過這一關嗎？我為什麼會到這個世界？……這些問題久久讓我未能明白。
等到學校畢業開始上班做事，遇到有些同事信仰一貫道也未結婚，我心想：如果我以後沒有結婚，我就要出家。我對出家的意義並不明白，但對結婚有恐懼感，因為從周遭或報章雜誌看到很多婚姻不幸事件。
家裡一直供奉著觀世音菩薩聖像，我只限於禮拜而已，對佛法則是一點概念也沒有。1989年10月30日我到板橋叔叔家，因為當時我身體不是很好，叔叔要我和他們去廟上拜拜。在我們打算回家的時候，看見路旁電線桿上貼著一張宣化上人回臺弘法的海報，當天的法會活動正好在板橋致理商專。一時間心中有股力量，我對宣化上人很好奇，想一睹上人之風采，就建議叔叔就近去參加法會。當我們進會場時，法會已開始了。裏面坐滿了信眾沒有空位子，只好在禮堂外面看電影牆。我心想：我一心一意要來看宣化上人，我非親眼看到他不可。於是我又走進禮堂，正巧聽到擴音器報告：「請站在後面的信眾往前走，前面還有位子。」原來最前面的位子原是留給出家眾坐的，因為沒有坐滿，所以叫我們進來坐。這下可好了，我坐在前面第三排。我見上人的第一個印象是上人笑咪咪的，非常的慈祥，令人看了滿心歡喜，尤其是上人回答信眾的問題，妙語如珠，令人拍案叫絕。總而言之，整個晚上我都非常地高興。因堂妹那時也在法會當義工，在我們回到叔叔家後，堂妹就拿一份皈依表給我說明天晚上有皈依法會，當時我毫不考慮就填好。第二天10月31日我皈依三寶，皈依儀式說些什麼，我完全不懂，就這樣成了佛教徒。
皈依之後，我的心情好得不得了，是前所未有的，而且持續很久。上人說過皈依後要拜一萬拜，才是他真正的弟子。所以每天提早起床，在佛堂拜一百拜，三個多月就拜完了。皈依之後，我想自己已經是佛教徒，就應該吃素，正巧那時有同事在訂購素食便當，於是我也參加一份，而家人對我吃素也沒有反對。此後，每每有聚餐，甚至到歐洲旅遊，同事或領隊都好心地為我特別準備一份素食。所以吃素並不困難，在於個人是否下定決心。
當上人弘法團再次來臺時，我就受了五戒。我想讀佛學院和出家的念頭此後越來越強，覺得如果再不出家，以後可能沒有機會了。在我遞上辭呈的第二天，一位我曾向她打聽佛學院的同事告訴我：「明天我要到妙法寺，可以順便載妳去佛學院。」我匆匆準備和她一道去，臨走前母親對我拋下一句話：「不要吃不了苦，又跑回來。」她好像有預感我此一去就會出家似的。到佛學院經過面談，法師建議我先試住看看，所以我在那兒先打了一個佛七，覺得還挺好的，就繼續住下，將近一個月，我決定長住在廟裡，於是回家整理自己的東西。剛踏進家門，母親當頭一句：「妳也真放心，一個電話也沒打。」我原以為她放心我去修道，誰知她還是牽腸掛肚。
再回到佛學院，有些法師開我玩笑：「說不定，下次師父回來，妳就跟著出家了。」真的，不久消息就從美國傳來：上人幾個月後會回臺弘法，而且有剃度儀式。在這段時間，聽上人開示錄音帶，好幾次聽到上人說：「你們再不出家，我就不等了，以後我不再收弟子了。」當時佛學院規定要住滿兩年才能申請出家，而我只不過剛來三個多月，但也鼓起勇氣報名，希望有運氣通過。結果我們這批出家的可以說只要報名，上人都說OK。我就在1993年元月順利出家了，這是我大半生中，唯一做對的一件事；我也深深體會到學佛出家是千載難逢的，要當機立斷，只有捨才能得，凡事一定要把握機會，否則機會稍縱即逝。
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I was born and raised in Hsin-chu, Taiwan. Since childhood, I have been quiet. I talked very little. Sometimes I would not even utter a word for an entire day, so teachers always considered me “quiet.” I liked to ponder, and one question always stayed on my mind: “Where did I come from? Where will we go after death?” When I grew older, one day I asked my mother, “Where do we go after we die?” She replied, “We are just dead!” Not satisfied with the answer, I asked her further, “Does every girl have to get married and bear children?” “That’s the tradition in our world,” replied my mother. I couldn’t help but sigh to myself: Is that all a woman’s life is about? Who made it a rule that people had to get married? Can’t we avoid marriage? Why did I come to this world? I had all these questions, but the answers eluded me for a long time.
After I graduated and began working, I had some colleagues who believed in a certain teaching and were not married. This gave me an idea: If I don’t get married, I can be a nun. I didn’t really know what leaving home meant, but the sad stories that I heard or read in the newspapers and magazines made me afraid of marriage.
Aside from worshipping Guanyin Bodhisattva at home, I knew little about the Buddhadharma. On October 30, 1989, I visited my uncle in Ban-chiao, and he took me to a temple to worship because of my poor health. On our way home, I caught sight of a poster announcing the Venerable Master Hua’s Dharma Delegation’s visit to Taiwan. There was a Dharma assembly that day at the Chi-li Commercial College in Ban-chiao. Filled with an overwhelming curiosity to see the Venerable Master, I suggested that my uncle attend the ceremony.
When we arrived at the auditorium, the Dharma assembly had already begun. It was so crowded inside that we couldn’t find seats so we watched the TV monitor outside. I thought: “I have come all this way to see the Master; I must see him with my own eyes.” I returned to the auditorium and heard this announcement over the speakers: “People in the back, please come to the front; there are seats available.” The seats reserved for Dharma Masters were not full, and I found a seat in the third row! My first impression of the Master was that he smiled all the time and was extremely kind. My heart was filled with joy. His answers to the audience’s questions were quick and witty, and were surprisingly admirable. I was extremely happy all night. After we got back to my uncle’s place, my cousin, who was a volunteer, gave me an application for taking refuge, and said there would be a refuge ceremony the next day. Without thinking twice, I filled it out. On October 31, I took refuge with the Triple Jewel. Without really catching what was said in the ceremony, I became a Buddhist.
After taking refuge, I felt an unprecedented joy, which lingered for a long time. The Venerable Master said that those who took refuge should bow 10,000 times to become his disciples. I got up early everyday and bowed 100 times in the worship room, and in a little over three months I completed 10,000 bows. Having become a Buddhist, I thought I should become vegetarian. Some of my colleagues were placing orders for vegetarian lunchboxes; I joined them and my family members did not object. Later on, whenever there were parties and even once when there was a trip to Europe, my colleagues and the group leader would kindly arrange vegetarian food for me. Therefore, I believe that being vegetarian is not that inconvenient; it all depends on one’s determination.
The next time the Venerable Master’s delegation came to Taiwan, I took the five precepts. My wish to enroll in the Buddhist Academy and become a nun became stronger and stronger; I felt I might not have a chance to do so if I procrastinated. The second day after I resigned from my job, the colleague whom I had asked about the Buddhist Academy told me, “I’m going to Wonderful Dharma Temple tomorrow and I can take you to the Academy.” I quickly packed my things and was ready to go. Before I left home, my mother said, “Don’t come back again if you can’t take the hardship.” It seemed that she had a hunch I’d leave the home life. After the interview, the Dharma Masters suggested that I try it out first. So I stayed and attended a recitation session. I felt good about it and stayed on. A month later, I decided to move to the temple and went back home to clean up my things. As soon as I stepped in the house, my mother said, “You sure gave up everything just like that, without even making a call!” Originally I had thought she was okay with my decision; I didn’t realize that she was still worried.
Back at the Academy, some Dharma Masters joked, “Maybe the next time the Master comes, you will become a nun.” Before long, there was news that the Venerable Master would come to Taiwan in a few months to speak Dharma and that there would be a leaving home ceremony. During that time, when we listened to his lecture tapes, I often heard the Master say, “If you don’t leave the home life, I’m not going to wait for you any longer. I won’t take disciples anymore.” The policy was that the applicants had to live for two years at the Academy, and I had only been there a little over three months. However, I plucked up the courage to apply, in the hope that I might be approved. That time the Master accepted almost everyone who applied. In January 1993, I became a monastic, which is the only thing I had done right in my life so far. I really feel that the opportunity to study Buddhism and leave the home life is hard to come by. You have to be determined. Only by giving, can one benefit. Make sure to seize the opportunity, or else it will pass you by.
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