|
恆茂師臺灣中興大學企業管理系畢業，工作十餘年後，高考及格，從事公職。工作之餘喜歡往廟上跑。一天在廟中擦玻璃時，心生一念：「願生生世世做出家人。」
1989年，宣公上人率團訪臺舉辦護國息災法會，她當義工。於法會中深為上人德行所折服，願追隨左右弘揚佛法。某晚上人於開示時宣佈想要出家者可以上前報名並述因由。同伴促她出列，她鼓起勇氣上台，說完要求出家後，上人說：「不容易呀！」。這時她聽了很難過：「是的，弟子自知習氣毛病多」，下台後不停禮拜上人，懇求上人幫助，心想：「如果今生不能追隨上人出家，來世乃至於未來世也一定要滿願。」上人給她力量，從此她一百八十度大轉變：洗淨脂粉、短髮、素食、日中一食，出差時也不應酬，但求「萬緣放下，一心修行。」1990年來到聖城，一週內落髮，一個多月後於上人聖誕圓頂。儀式進行時，上人問：「你出什麼家？」答：「弟子出世俗家、煩惱家--三界家。」上人肯然，賜名果青並囑咐：「把英文學好。」1991年受具足戒，法號恆茂。
一天在聖城妙語堂上她最愛的對聯課時，上人當時出好上聯，弟子紛紛在黑板上寫完下聯後，上人逐一過目潤色。當他看到恆茂師所對：「度盡天下堂上佛」，立即大聲喝斥：「好大的口氣！家裡的父母不度，還說要度盡天下的堂上佛。」當著這麼多人面被罵，她真覺好難為情！隨後心念一轉，檢討自己，真的沒好好孝順父母。所謂「人道盡，佛道成。」低聲自言：「弟子知錯了，我會改進。」父親已故，她除了代受幽冥戒，並在萬佛城為他立永久牌位。1993年上人訪臺時，代母親皈依上人、禮佛一萬拜。今年85歲的母親已吃長齋、做簡單早晚課、也交待家人要助念往生。
出家後很長一段時間她每天誦《地藏經》、《梵網經菩薩戒》、《普賢行願品》各一部。後來得一位同修點醒：「平常心是道，修行要照顧日常功課。」思惟戒律精神原在與眾和合，她從此注意與人相處--以不惱他人為要。隨著戒臘增長，心境看法的改變，如今面對逆境考驗，她能生「行有不得，反求諸己。」之心，用覺照的功夫，對境鍊心。她認為修行要立定目標，以所發的願為前導，境界來時就能不為芝麻小事所轉，通過考驗。她相信「該是你的，總是你的。隨緣自然成熟，凡事強求不得。」
恆茂師怕在小道場做錯事有所不覺，而喜歡大叢林，同修互相規勸指導，才能清淨三業，僧團也得以興旺。她先後在臺灣道場六年，法界聖城五年；在道場協助行政、領眾念佛、教戒律、習講楞嚴、教中文。上人圓寂八年，感念 師恩浩大，恆茂師唯 有以承先啟後自勵，協助培育僧才、服務 道場為她盡形壽的職責。
|
|
Bhikshuni Heng Mao graduated from Taiwan Chung Hsing University with a degree in Business Management. After working for over ten years, she passed the National Higher Examination and served in a government office. After work hours, she loved to go to temples. One day, while cleaning the glass in a temple, she thought, “I wish to be a left-home person in life after life.”
When the Venerable Master Hua led a delegation to Taiwan in 1989 and conducted a Dharma Assembly for Protecting the Nation and Quelling Disasters, she was a volunteer. Deeply impressed by the Master’s virtue, she vowed to follow him to propagate the Buddhadharma. One evening during the lecture, the Master said that if anyone wished to leave the home life, they could come to the front to sign up and talk about their conditions. Urged by a friend, she mustered her courage and went up to request a chance. The Venerable Master remarked, “It’s not easy!” She felt sad and thought, “Yes, I know my bad habits are many.” After walking offstage, she kept bowing to the Master and pleading silently for his help: “If I cannot become a nun with the Master in this life, I will definitely fulfill my wish in the next life or future lives!” Blessed by the Venerable Master, she made a 180 degree turnaround—she quit wearing makeup, cut her hair short, became a vegetarian, practiced taking only one meal a day, and did not socialize on business trips. Her only wish was to set everything else aside and cultivate singlemindedly. In 1990 she came to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas and her hair was shaved within one week. Over a month later, she became a novice nun on the Venerable Master’s birthday. During the ceremony, the Master asked her, “What home are you leaving?” She replied, “I am leaving my lay home, the home of afflictions, and the home of the Triple Realm.” The Venerable Master agreed and named her Guo Ching and told her, “Study English well.” In 1991 she was ordained and given the Dharma name Heng Mao.
One day at Wonderful Words Hall, she attended her favorite class—matching couplets. After the Venerable Master wrote down the first couplet, disciples went up to the blackboard to write their matching couplets. The Master would read each one, comment on and/or polish it. Upon reading the couplet, “Completely crossing over the Buddhas in all households” [Parents are said to be living Buddhas in a household.] written by Bhikshuni Heng Mao, the Venerable Master scolded: “What a grandiose statement! You haven’t even crossed over your own parents and yet you wish to cross over the Buddhas in all households!” She felt really embarrassed being scolded in front of the assembly. But then she reflected upon herself: Yes, it’s true that she had not been very filial to her parents. As it is said, “After one perfects one’s humanity, one can realize Buddhahood.” She told herself, “This disciple admits her fault and will improve.” She took the Precepts for the Deceased on behalf of her deceased father and set up a permanent rebirth plaque for him. In 1993, she stood in for her mother to take refuge with the Venerable Master on his visit in Taiwan and bowed 10,000 bows to the Buddha. Her mother, who is 85 years old this year, has become a vegetarian, does simple morning and evening ceremonies and has asked family members to recite the Buddha’s name for her at the time of rebirth.
For a long time after Bhikshuni Heng Mao left the home life, she would recite the
Earth Store Sutra, the Bodhisattva Precepts in Brahma Net Sutra, and the Chapter of Universal Worthy Bodhisattva’s Conduct and Vows. Later a fellow cultivator reminded her, “The ordinary mind is the Way. In cultivation, one should emphasize daily practice.” Reflecting on how the precepts promote harmony, she started to focus on her interactions with people—especially to avoid annoying anyone. As her years in the precepts increase and her perceptions have changed, Bhikshuni Heng Mao is able to reflect upon herself whenever she faces a challenge or things don’t go her way.
She uses reflective insight to refine her mind. She thinks that cultivators should set goals to guide their way. In any situation, if one does not get thrown off by trivial matters, one can pass the test. She also believes, “Whatever is meant to be yours will always be yours. Let things happen naturally. Nothing can be forced.”
Fearing that she would not detect her own mistakes, Bhikshuni Heng Mao prefers staying in a large monastery where cultivators can exhort one another to purify the three aspects of karma and the Sangha can flourish. Among the temples of the Dharma Realm Buddhist Association, she has spent six years in Taiwan and five years at the City of the Dharma Realm, assisting with administration, leading the assembly in reciting the Buddha’s name, lecturing on the precepts and the Shurangama Sutra, and teaching Chinese. The Venerable Master entered nirvana eight years ago; appreciating his great kindness, Bhikshuni Heng Mao wishes to pass the Master’s legacy on to future generations. She considers it her lifelong responsibility to promote Sangha education and serve in monasteries.
|
