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問：什麼是出家人生活？它是不是對現實生活的逃避嗎？
實法師答：世界上再沒有一件事比出家更容易教人起誤會了！一般人在評論事情之餘，常覺得自己好像也有權利來評斷出家人似的。說：「哦，你是在逃避嘛！」。其實他們根本弄錯了，假如你想逃避現實的話，無庸置疑的那就是--千萬別出家！這個社會已經提供我們許多逃避現實的方法：喝酒、吸毒、使人工作來勁的提神品、讓人睡得著的催眠藥物、看電視、人際關係、追求好工作、累積財富等等。這些在在使我們無法正視自己這個生命到底是怎麼回事。我們要是還不肯停止上述的一切，還是不願去探究、去觀照我們的心靈深處，就會被外物所控制，迷失了自性，那我們就完了，沒辦法跳出苦海了。
如果現在你出家了，馬上就能不為外物所役嗎？那倒也不是，而是你可以看看經文；對於生命是怎麼回事，你也稍微能明白了。如果你對這個道理還有疑問的話，問：「為什麼呢？」。因為反聞聞自性讓人觀察到念頭的生起和它造成的結果，使你明白躲不掉因與果的這個事實，使你確信因果之間的關聯。如果你既不去聽，也不去觀，事情還是照樣進行，可是在念頭的種子和事情的結果之間，你就無法查覺它們有什麼關聯性了。你是不記得了，不過只要你一終止和減少對外物的需求，你將會明白，你所居住的世界，全是由第六識所打造--念念相續；你也會明白：「哦，是的，我記得我做過這個，我想過那個，我還看見過事情的發生。」這不僅一點兒都不逃避現實，而且，周圍的事物也騙不了你的六識，你也不會被外境所迷了。
令我驚訝的事情中，去在家人的家算得上是一件。我還記得中文有個字叫“回音”－屋子裡一片嘈雜，特別是有小孩子在的時候，因為一般房子普遍沒有隔音裝置。當我一踏進去，馬上就會退回來，因為我感到六識一下子分散到環境裡去了；不像在寺院，你一進來，會發現它們空間都很開闊，牆面是雪白的，吸引你前來的佛菩薩雕像，能使你的心神立刻恢復平靜與集中。
在家人的家有錯嗎？不是的，那不是我的重點，我不做評論。我的主題是，為了某種目的而對環境做的某種選擇。你若是能住在一個六根（眼、耳、鼻、舌、身、意）不為所奪的環境裡，你就能聞聽自己的內心深處，從你的念頭、你的言行舉止、以及這個你所處的世界中，找出其間的因果關係。否則，無論我們怎樣都不會找到觀照的機會，因為我們實在太忙了，忙著處理一切事情。
所以，佛寺才正是一個你可以接觸真實、而非逃避現實的地方。我們的妄念在這個不可思議、能量巨大的心靈裡，每分每秒不停地、一個念頭接一個念頭地打造這個世界，縱使我們不在意、覺得這沒什麼…它依然在進行：一言、一行、一念都在種因，時時刻刻都在結果。那可不是逃避現實，而是你實實在在的選擇。某人說：「我很無能，倒楣事老是層出不窮。」或者說：「我都在我的家庭、社會和我的世界裡忙著啊。」
所以，佛寺是一個你能靜下心來觀照、聞聽自性的地方，使你明瞭在你的心靈深處有些什麼，那時你就可以開始著手來清理你的世界了，你的能力便會由此提升。出家，在一般人眼中以為不過是對生活型態的選擇，卻不知它是直探心靈、事情本源的捷徑。
問：您是怎樣做了比丘尼的？
音法師答：以前我沒想過自己會出家。我是在讀大學時，上人的弘法團到德克薩斯大學來弘法，我才開始聽聞佛教的事。那是我第一次聽到佛教，我覺得很新鮮，它非常吸引我。這些佛教道理，我以前從沒聽說過；也學打坐，讓我很受用。於是，我想要多做這方面的事。當時那兒有一個佛學社，我去參加他們的活動，也開始生活簡化。在清理個人物品的時候，我把櫥櫃騰空，將書送人－即使有紀念性的東西。我開始花許多時間研讀佛經。課堂中間休息時間，則上圖書館自己研究《楞嚴經》，這使我覺得很歡喜。無論搭車，還是在任何地方，我會不停地持咒和誦《心經》。我不僅吃素，還嘗試一些出家人做的事，像日中一食，不過挺不容易（在佛寺外面），因為你身邊的人並不這樣，而且到處都有東西可吃。我還試著夜不倒單，也不太成功，可是這些嘗試在在領著我一步步接近，最後來到了萬佛聖城。雖然當時我非常羨慕僧伽，卻不認為自己能夠這樣就加入了。我一直不認為自己會出家，但時候到了，一切都變得那麼自然不過，因為我早已不知不覺向目標邁步了。
問：為什麼你要獨身？還有，你的人際關係呢？
音法師答：你要是獨身，精力消耗得少，事情也相對不那麼複雜。大多數的和尚和尼僧都會發願終身行佛道，這事需要精神的高度集中。因此，人際關係、家庭、職業等一切都放下了，才能安心專心修道。
持法師答：回顧我的出家和受戒，可說是一個有心的決定。我花了很久才做了這個決定，因為知道自己以前犯了許多戒律，現在一定要好好改變整個兒的生活方式了，這包括我的人際關係，和在壓力大時會喝酒解悶等。在我決定做一名比丘尼的時候，我的信念是要把我的身命都奉獻出來。可是我非常熱愛我的家人，所以下這個決心之困難可想而知，但我從來沒有後悔過。即使對於我的家人來說，我想這也是一個正確的決定。師父說過：出家生活是一種我們得全力以赴的奉獻，我想那就是為什麼我會盡全力遵守的原因了。
我們佛教的傳統，僧尼是不能結婚的，這樣，於公於私，行事才不會有落差；對家人和對眾生的愛，也不會有所分別。在你們還沒有男女關係、家庭，以及隨之而來的責任之前，你們都有這個機會為自己來做這個人生的抉擇。
實法師答：佛教的基本原理，完全建立在人生是苦這個基礎上。只不過，苦也有盡的時候。苦的本源，就是我們的生老病死。這一點佛陀看出來了，他不願意接受而出家修道。這真是太好了！這幫助我們了苦。其實生死的主要原因就是欲漏，超越之道，無非是把這方面能量轉換。
所以真正的問題是：「我們現在要不要離苦呢？」如果不，那不就還繼續夾纏在「我愛你，我不再愛你；你愛我，你不再愛我。」或是「我雖然愛你，可是剛看過其他男朋友發來的電郵。」因為在欲望橫流的混亂中，人的痛苦無窮無盡。你真正擁有過你心中所愛的人嗎？事情到此為止了嗎？教人難以忍受……最後你將會看到他們的變滅。所以，不是每個人都能做一名獨身的出家人的。
待續 |
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Q: What is monastic life like? Isn't it just an escape from the reality of life?
Bhikshu Heng Sure: Probably there's no single thing in the world that is more misunderstood than someone leaving home to become a monastic. There are so many judgments that people make and feel like they have a right to make of monks and nuns. They get exactly the way it is not, which is: “Oh you're escaping.” One thing for sure, if you want to escape reality, DON'T leave home. Society gives us lots of ways to escape reality: alcohol, drugs, uppers to get you through the workday, downers to go to sleep, T.V., relationships, pursuit of career, amassing riches. These are ways to get us to not to look at what's going on in our lives. If we don't stop, look, and listen to our minds, then it always seems like we are victimized and powerless, and that something outside us is manipulating us.
Now if you leave home, do you suddenly take charge? No. But you can watch the script being written. You kind of step into being the director of what's going on. If you have to, ask a simple reason. “Why?” You can't avoid the reality of cause and effect once you start listening because you see the thoughts rise and you get the results of your thoughts. You can see the connection. If we don't listen and watch, it still happens, but it always seems that the connection between thought seed and event fruit are not connected. You forget. But once you stop and reduce the externals so you can see the sixth sense making the world you live in – thought by thought by thought – you can see, “Oh right. I remember I did that, I thought that, and look what happened.” It is not an escape from reality at all. There's nothing around you to hook your senses up.
One of the most amazing things for me is to walk into a layperson's home, and I remember how the word in Chinese is hui yin – how mixed up the home is, especially if there are kids. This is because there is no filter on the average home. Now when I walk in, I immediately pull back because I feel my six senses just scattered out into the environment. It's not like being in the monastery. When you walk into a monastery, by and large, there is a lot of space, and there are white walls, and the things that pull you out are things like the statues of Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, which immediately bring you back to balance and to a center.
Is a layperson's home wrong? No. That's not my point. There is no judgment. It is to say a choice of environment for a purpose. To be able to live in an environment where your six senses [eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body, and mind] are not constantly dragged out allows you to listen to what's going on inside, because in the end you still have to connect the cause and effect from your thoughts, your words, your deeds and the world that you create. Otherwise, we do it anyways, but we didn't get a chance to notice because we are too busy dealing with all this stuff.
The monastery is a place where you go to get in touch with reality, not escape. The reality of my incredibly powerful mind is that it's out there creating the world every second, thought by thought by thought, and if we miss that and assume that it's not happening… it is still happening: planting seeds with every word, deed, thought, and getting results every moment. It is not an escape from reality. It's your choice of reality. One is, “I'm powerless and stuff happens,” or, “I act in my family, my society, and my universe.”
So the monastery is a place where you create the place to notice, to listen, so you know what is on your mind, so you begin to clean up your world. It is really empowering. It is a choice of lifestyle, but it is closer to the bone, closer to the nub of what's going on.
Q: How did you become a nun?
Bhikshuni Heng Yin: I wasn't thinking of becoming a monastic. When I was in college I heard about Buddhism when the Venerable Master's delegation went to the University of Texas. That was the first time I heard about Buddhism, and it blew my mind away. I had never heard such principles before and the meditations were really great. So I made a conscious choice to do more of those things. I joined the local Buddhist association and started to simplify my life, so there weren't so many things to absorb my energy. I cleaned out my closet and gave away my books–even some things that I kept for memories. I started to spend a lot of time studying sutras. I would go to the library between classes, and study the Shurangama Sutra on my own. It was joyful. I recited some mantras and the Heart Sutra all the time on the bus and wherever I was. I became a vegetarian. I tried eating one meal a day, but that was really hard because other people around you aren't doing it and there's food available everywhere. I also tried sitting up at night and that was not very successful either, but having made these attempts led me closer to coming to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas. I still didn't think I was going to leave home but when the time came, it felt very natural because I had taken all these little steps. I really admired the Sangha but didn't think that I would be able to join them just like that.
Q: Why do you want to be celibate? And what about relationships?
Bhikshuni Heng Yin: There are a lot fewer energy outflows and it's a lot less complicated when you are celibate. Most monks and nuns are dedicated to a life of practicing the Buddha's path, and that really takes full concentration. Relationship, family, career, and all that have to be put aside.
Bhikshuni Heng Chih: Way back when I took the precepts and left home, it was a very conscious decision. It took me a long time to come to that decision because I knew I violated a lot of those precepts and now I would really have to change my whole lifestyle, including relationships and the ease of having a glass of wine when I felt stressed out. When I decided that I wanted to be a nun, I decided to be a nun in a sense that I want to dedicate my whole life to it. I love my family very much, so it was an extremely difficult decision to make, but I have never regretted it. And even for my family, I think it was the right decision. The way the Venerable Master presented it: monastic life is a dedication that we take on fully. I think that's why I decided to follow that fully.
In the Buddhist monastic tradition, no monks and nuns are married so there is no split between a public life and a private life. No split between love of family and love of all living beings. It's a choice and many of you have a chance to make that choice when you are not in a relationship and don't have the family, and the responsibility associated with them.
Bhikshu Heng Sure: The fundamental principle in Buddhism is that life is suffering. But another fundamental principle is that suffering can end. The main cause of suffering is built in our body being born, getting old, getting sick, and dying. The Buddha saw that and decided not to accept that. It's thrilling to know that there is an alternative and there is something you can do to end it. The main cause of birth and death is sexual outflows. The way to transcend that is to take that energy and transform it.
The real question is, “Are we ready to be liberated from suffering or not?” If not, then stick with the confusion of, “I love you. I don't love you anymore. You love me. You don't love me anymore.” Or, “I love you for a while, but now I understand you had a girlfriend.” Or, “I love you and saw an email from your boyfriend.” There is infinite suffering in that mix. It is all about the body – sexual outflows. Do you really ever possess the person you love with your mind? Is that the issue? How frustrating... And then you watch them die. So being a celibate monastic isn't for everybody.
To be continued
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