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2000年我女兒出家後，我夫婦和她的乾媽至為想念，也想一償禮佛之願，醞釀年餘的聖城之旅，終於在四月廿二日成行，隨喜參加了幾日的「萬佛寶懺」法會。也許是蒙佛菩薩、上人的加持，多方面因緣具足，在法會期中又得到善知識、大德之提攜鼓勵，促使我們第一次禮佛，一切順遂自在，法喜充滿，更增向道之心。
「萬佛寶懺」顧名思義，想當然旨在拜佛及懺悔。實際上呢？拜佛固然一方面訓練我們「無我」及去掉「貢高我慢」習性。另方面，以現代時髦的說法，則是一種運動。
在聖城幾日的了解：學佛不是逃避死亡的一種寄託，而是當下就活得自在和超越。一個明心見性的人，無論他遇到什麼逆境，都歡喜接受。我們一切煩惱痛苦皆起因於「貪」，貪就是一種執著，現在學佛了，要放下執著，放棄不好的習氣。有句話說得好「自己不學好，別人幫不了；自己要學好，誰也擋不了。」在觀念方面要學習：順逆因緣皆當感謝。
進入了聖城，遠離了城市的喧嘩、聲色犬馬，拋棄了爭名奪利、勾心鬥角，你死我活的煩躁憂慮。回歸到黎明即起，粗茶淡飯，沒有塵囂，沒有物欲，清淨的生活，不能說是脫胎換骨，但真的神清氣爽，身心得到了洗滌、淨化。
在拜萬佛寶懺時，頭一、二天，經常弄倒經架，跪拜時不小心就撞到後面拜者的頭，又不知日誦儀規，幸有善知識在一旁助我，使我無煩惱，無退卻心，在此感恩。
某天有人看我唱「南無普賢王菩薩」聲音特別響亮，好奇問我為何如此高興？我說每次一唱這個，不是休息，就是吃飯，當然高興囉！
聖城的日子簡單而充實，規律而不單調。在臨別前一日（廿七日）晚課後正巧輪到女兒說法：她提到父母親為了她及弟弟而移民美國，使我心慰得熱淚盈眶。本來麼，為人父母對子女無代價的付出，從不指望子女有什麼回報，只要孩子了解父母的苦心，有貼心的一句話，就夠了，就值得了。
我們要走的那天早上意外的夢見上人站在一尊大佛前，對我頷首微笑，以目詢我有什麼問題？我以心想：「過去我父親吃素念佛，與臺中之李炳南居士、周邦道居士相識，並曾帶全家到台中蓮社皈依，現已忘了當初皈依師父、法名。」請示上人可否另起法名，醒來後至大殿拜佛，身心特別清涼舒暢，自在之至。午前已拜至九千九百尊佛。原本希望在下午二時離開聖城前，能拜到第一萬尊佛。可惜下午第一支香稍早結束，仍差七尊佛，不免略感遺憾。未能拜到第一萬尊佛。
在離別時，太太和女兒的乾媽想拿點錢給女兒以備不時之需。女兒婉拒說持「銀錢戒」，在旁之我忍不住開玩笑說：「老爸我也持此戒。」(蓋財政大權旁落十數年，我是不戒而戒。)
將要回去時有人說：「你拿空瓶灌滿萬佛城之空氣，回到西雅圖再將之倒出，萬佛城的空氣並未減少，西雅圖空氣也未增加。」我一看他與我鬥禪機，忙說：「我最怕禪機，不知什麼是『禪無一物，一物是禪』？我是早也阿彌陀佛，晚也阿彌陀佛。」
回想在聖城掐頭去尾，只有五天時間，為何我覺得自己收穫特別多？當然要感謝佛菩薩慈悲加被。在念佛拜佛中使我少了幾分執著，放下一些習性。雖然這只是向學佛的路上走了小小的一步，在我的人生而言，可說是跨出一大步。 |
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My daughter left home in the year 2000, and because my wife and I and her godmother missed her, we wanted to visit her and pay respects to the Buddhas. The plan had been brewing for more than a year and we finally decided to attend the Ten Thousand Buddhas Jeweled Repentance in April. Perhaps because we were blessed by the Buddhas, Bodhisattvas and the Venerable Master, all the conditions came together. Furthermore, with the encouragement and help of fellow participants and cultivators during the session, everything went smoothly and delightfully for us during our first bowing session. Consequently, we now wish to learn more about Buddhism.
The name, Ten Thousand Buddhas Jeweled Repentance, means that this session involves bowing to the Buddhas and repenting. In reality, though bowing to the Buddhas trains us to become egoless and to eliminate our habitual arrogance. It is also, in modern terms, a form of exercise.
Having stayed at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas (CTTB) for several days, I understand now that being a Buddhist is not about escapism, but about transcendence and living with ease in the here and now. Someone who has seen his nature and understands his mind will gladly accept any adversity that comes his way. For instance, all of our afflictions and misery happen because of greed. Greed is a form of attachment. Now that I am learning more about Buddhism, I will try to let go of attachment and give up my bad habits.
There is a saying, “No one can help us if we don't want to be good. No one can prevent us from being good if that's what we want.” These are some ideas I have learned: Flow with the causes and conditions, whether favorable or adverse, and be grateful.
At CTTB, we were removed from the noise and sense stimulations of the city. We abandoned our anxiety and worry over fame and fortune, schemes and manipulations, and the intense and constant battles. We returned to the embrace of mother nature and moved away from the world's clamor and materialism. Rising early and eating simply, people here lead a pure and quiet life. Although we hadn’t transformed into new people, we really felt light and refreshed. Our bodies and minds seemed to have been cleansed and purified.
During the Ten Thousand Buddhas Jeweled Repentance, I wasn't familiar with the daily recitations. Fortunately there was a kind fellow cultivator next to me, helping me so that I didn’t have to worry or be intimidated. I’d like to express my gratitude here. Another thing was that in the first couple of days of bowing, I often knocked over the music stands that hold up the sutras. I had even caused a scene and bumped the head of the person behind me. I also ask for his compassionate forgiveness here.
One day a participant heard me singing “Namo Universal Worthy King Bodhisattva” with a particularly loud and happy voice, so out of curiosity he asked me why I was so happy. I said that every time we sang this Bodhisattva's name, it was either time for a break or time to eat. That’s why I’m happy!
The days at CTTB were simple but full, regulated but not boring. The day of our departure came all too soon. The day before we were leaving (the 27th), it happened to be my daughter's turn to give a Dharma talk after the evening ceremony. She mentioned how her parents immigrated to the United States because of her and her brother. This moved me so much that tears welled up in my eyes. Parents give unconditionally. Do they really hope for any returns from their children? No. They only ask to be understood. A few kind words would be enough—enough to touch us and make the toil worthwhile.
On the morning of our leaving CTTB, I unexpectedly dreamt of the Venerable Master standing in front of a large Buddha statue, nodding and smiling at me, asking with his eyes what questions I had. I simply explained in my mind that my father had been a vegetarian and recited the Buddha's name. He knew Upasakas Lee Bingnan and Zhou Bangdao and had taken our entire family to the Lotus Society (in Taichung, Taiwan) for refuge. I don’t remember the master I took refuge with or my Dharma name, so I asked the Venerable Master if I could have another Dharma name. When I woke up and went to the main hall to bow, I felt most refreshed and comfortable. Before noon, we had already bowed to the 9,900th Buddha. We were extremely happy to have the special conditions to finishing bowing to the 10,000th Buddha. We had planned to leave at 2 p.m. and the first afternoon session ends earlier, so by the time we concluded, we were still seven Buddhas away from the 10,000th Buddha.
When we were saying goodbye, my wife and my daughter's godmother wanted to leave some money for my daughter in case of emergency. My daughter refused with the explanation that she holds the precept of not holding money. I couldn't help but add, “Old pop also holds this precept.” (I have ceded this power to my wife for more than a decade already. I'm holding the precept without even taking it.)
Upon our departure, someone said to me, “Take a bottle and fill it up with air at CTTB, then dump it out when you get back to Seattle. The air at CTTB will not have decreased and the air in Seattle will not have increased.” I saw that he was challenging me with his Chan wit, so I immediately responded, “Chan wit scares me more than anything. What is meant by, ‘There is not a thing to Chan and Chan is that one thing’? For me, it's Amitabha Buddha in the morning and Amitabha Buddha at night.”
As I reflect, the short week at the City was really a total of five days, so why do I feel that I have gained so much? Of course I have to be grateful for the compassion and blessings of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. Another thing is that chanting the Buddha's name and bowing to the Buddhas have made me let go of my pompous attitude. With the entire body hitting the ground, I lost a few attachments and habits. Even though this is a small step towards learning Buddhism, it is a major step in my life.
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