近學師是臺灣省臺中縣東勢鎮人,從3、4歲時,父母親即攜同她到附近的寺廟拜佛,或參加法會,如梁皇寶懺、水懺等等,因此很早就接觸了佛法,但父母並無真信,也不茹素。婚後,她看了同修的佛書,知道了一些佛理,覺得很受用。過去她在小學教書,十分忙碌,班上學生多,最多時有57個,最少時也有40多個,因此平時很少看報。一天拿起報紙隨意翻閱,看到一則上人來訪的報導,並打皈依;簡短幾行字,交待了時間地點,她竟記得清清楚楚,並且決定要去皈依,似有一股無名的力量,推動著她。
皈依後,唸阿彌陀佛名號時,不知何故竟淚如泉湧,不能制止,心想,「別哭啊!人這麼多,多難看!」又想,「多麼殊勝啊!有這樣的因緣能皈依,我就是要哭!」因此哭了十幾分鐘,胸前衣服全濕了。第二天,又帶著同修和兒子去會場,看著他們皈依。
皈依時流淚不止這事,一直在她心裡擱著,直到後來看了上人的開示錄,才知道這是「善根發現」,別人也有這種情形,心中疑惑解了。以後又看了上人淺釋的《六祖壇經》、﹤上人開示錄﹥,覺得與上人講的法特別能契合,於是打電話到臺北法界印經會,請了上人講解的《普門品》的書及錄音帶,因一向覺得跟觀音菩薩有緣;以後又請了許多上人的書,除教書,周末探望父母公婆外,就以看書度日。皈依前已背會了大悲咒,這時更是定了功課,策勵自己修行,生活過得平靜踏實,只是每當思索起自己死後何去何從時,不免感到不自在。
生老病死逃不了,隨業輪迴太危險,自己的命運自己做不了主,這樣的生命,在學了佛法之後,還能讓它持續下去嗎?簡單平靜的生活下面,暗濤洶湧,能坐視不顧?
1989年上人到桃園主持「觀音護國息災大法會」,她轉4趟車去參加。之後,決定到萬佛城修行,於是開始儲蓄住道場的資糧,利用周末、寒假到臺北的「印經會」當義工﹕裝釘、搬運,有啥做啥,做得很起勁。91年同修往生,94年帶同兒子來了萬佛城,開始了新的生活;兒子在男校讀書,她在女校教書,隨眾上殿,大寮幫忙,日子過得飛快。99年10月24日,兒子滿18歲前不多日,在紀念觀音菩薩及上人的出家日法會時圓頂,法名親善,從此要積極由閻王老子那裡討回生死自主權了。在金峰寺、長堤聖寺受了沙彌尼訓練,2002年8月受具足戒,現住金輪聖寺。
出家前,曾問兒子意見,兒答,「妳一天到晚就在學校、佛殿、廚房;不出家,妳還想幹什麼?」從此她放心了,再沒有後顧之憂。
|
|
Bhikshuni Jin Xue came from the town of Dongshi of Taichung County in Taiwan. When she was three or four years old, her parents would take her to a local temple to bow to Buddhas and attend repentance ceremonies such as the Emperor of Liang’s Repentance and the Water Repentance. She thus came in contact with Buddhism at a very early age. But her parents did not have true faith in Buddhism nor were they vegetarian. From reading her husband’s Buddhist books, she gradually understood some Buddhist principles and saw how true they are. As an elementary school teacher, she had classes with at least 40 students or even up to 57 students, which left her very little time to read newspapers. One day she happened to pick up a newspaper and read that the Venerable Master was coming to Taiwan and would transmit the Three Refuges. The short announcement gave merely the time and location. She remembered it clearly and felt as if some force were compelling her to take refuge.
As she circumambulated and recited Amitabha Buddha’s name after the Taking Refuge ceremony, tears rolled down her cheeks. She told herself, “Stop, there are so many people here. This is embarrassing.” But another voice said, “How wonderful that I have this opportunity to take refuge! I’m going to cry no matter what!” She cried until her clothes were soaked. The next day she took her husband and her son to take refuge as well.
She did not understand why she had cried until she read the Venerable Master’s books. It was because her “good roots” had emerged; this happened to other people too. She read the Venerable Master’s
Instructional Talks and his Commentary on the Sixth Patriarch’s Platform Sutra, and the Dharma in these books immediately made sense to her. She called the Dharma Realm Buddhist Books Distribution Society (DRBBDS) in Taipei to order more books. The first one she ordered was the
Universal Door Chapter of the Dharma Flower Sutra, because she had always felt an affinity with Guanyin Bodhisattva. From then on she spent all her time after work reading these books, except when she visited her parents and in-laws on the weekends. She was already reciting the Great Compassion Mantra before she took refuge, and now she made a schedule for her personal cultivation. Her life was calm and fulfilling, yet she felt uneasy whenever she started thinking about where she would go after death.
One cannot escape from birth and death, and it is simply too dangerous to follow the pull of karma. How can one go on if one has no control of one’s destiny, especially after one has learned the Buddhadharma? How can one ignore the violent current under the deceptively calm surface of the ocean of life?
In 1989 the Venerable Master led a delegation to Taiwan to hold a Great Guanyin Dharma Assembly for Protecting the Nation and Quelling Disasters in Taoyuan County. Jin Xue Shi had to take four different buses to get there. After the session she decided to come to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas (CTTB) to cultivate, so she started to accumulate some blessings by volunteering for DRBBDS on weekends and between semesters. She did whatever needed to be done—binding books, moving things, etc.—and was very happy about it. Her husband passed away in 1991, and in 1994 she took her son to CTTB to begin a new life. She enrolled her son in the Boys’ School and she taught in the Girls’ School. She also attended ceremonies in the Buddha Hall and worked in the kitchen. Time flew by and soon her son was eighteen. She had her head shaved a few days before his birthday, on October 24, 1999, the anniversary of Guanyin Bodhisattva’s and the Venerable Master’s leaving home. She received the name Chin Shan, and since then she has resolved to actively regain control over her birth and death from King Yama. She received her novice training in Gold Summit Monastery and Long Beach Monastery and in August 2002 she was ordained as Bhikshuni. She currently stays at Gold Wheel Monastery.
Before she had her head shaved, she asked her son for his opinion, and he said, “You spend all your time in the Buddha Hall, the school, and the kitchen. If you don’t leave the home life, what else could you do?” She no longer worried about him after that.
|