Heng Sying Shi was a Malaysian of Chinese descent. From a young age, she realized the impermanence of life and resolved to dedicate herself to doing something meaningful, so as to not to let the time pass in vain. She had four siblings. When she was twelve, her father died of liver cancer, leaving the family in financial straits. Watching her mother toil for a living over the years led her to ponder the true meaning of life.  

After graduation, Heng Sying Shi worked as an accountant. At the same time, she studied assiduously, passed the government accounting exam, and joined Malaysia's Public Accounting Office as a Certified Public Accountant. Her salary lessened her mother's burden and improved the family's financial situation. Once her economic condition stabilized, she felt satisfied with life. After nine years of hectic living, she slowed down to take stock of her life. She discovered that her accomplishments thus far could not fill the empty void she felt; in actuality, her success did not have any true meaning.

She wondered about her purpose in life and began to seek an answer in religion. After reading the Venerable Master's Dharma talks in English published by the Dharma Realm Buddhist Association, it dawned upon her that the only worthwhile goal in life was to cultivate to end birth and death. Having found a path that matched her ideals, she joined the branch affiliate of Dharma Realm Buddhist Association in Malaysia and began to study the Buddhadharma.

Through studying the Buddhadharma, she realized even more deeply that everything in the world is ephemeral, that life is but a play and nothing lasts forever; yet we still revolve endlessly in the wheel of birth and death. Life is filled with suffering brought on by karma. She knew nothing of life's true meaning or the way to escape from birth and death, but could only cling to the illusory changes in the flow of momentary experiences. Unwilling to be swept along by the vicissitudes of life and to drown in the sea of karma, she decided to retire from the fast track of false worldly fame and profit to concentrate on cultivation, not only to liberate herself but also to help other people gain liberation. She knew that the path of cultivation is not easy, but that not choosing this path meant wasting her life. Her goals were very clear and her faith was firm.

She resigned from her accounting job of ten years, bid goodbye to her fellow cultivators in Malaysia, and on April 23, 1991 arrived at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas. Her causes and conditions ripened and she entered the monastic life on April 30, 1991. After she was fully ordained, the Venerable Master made good use of her skills, instructing her to manage all the accounts of the Dharma Realm Buddhist Association. She completely immersed herself in the job, not minding the hard work, and her performance over the years was outstanding. In 1995, the Board of Dharma Realm Buddhist Association elected her as a permanent member of the Board of Directors. At the beginning of the year 2002, she went to Taiwan to receive treatment for her illness. On August 4, 2002, she passed away peacefully.  

Although Heng Sying Shi's life was brief, she was well aware of the meaning of life and clear about the path that she must take. She never wavered in her decision to renounce her career and family. We believe that with her staunch courage, she will not lose her way and will surely return by the power of her vows to continue her cultivation. We hope to meet her again in another time and place.

Editorial note: The following additions were contributed by Bhikshuni Heng Ruey Shi.

Heng Sying Shi entered the hospital on June 24th. At the beginning of July, she insisted on returning to the United States by the 28th of July despite everything. The arrangements were made, but the doctor said that she was not strong enough for long distance travel. If she proceeded with the trip, the consequences may not be favorable. No one could persuade her to change her mind. Since I had worked with her for eight years and had grown close to her, I took a leave of absence to visit her and also to better understand the situation in order to resolve any difficulty. In the brief fifteen days that I spent with her, I received one of the most unforgettable lessons in life. I came to deeply understand her courageous spirit and willpower, which far surpassed that of common people. In terms of the larger issues of life and death, she provided a living lesson with her illness. I saw her on July 19th. She was physically weak, but in high spirits. Despite the feeding tube in a mouth and the I.V. in her shoulder, she managed to smile as usual and told me that no matter what she had to return to the United States on July 28th.

In the days that followed, she confided in me many things: how the treatment period seemed endless, how it was all so hopeless, how she had no accomplishment in her cultivation and had not realized her goals yet.... Sometimes there were tears; sometimes laughter. At times she revealed her suffering, at other times her insights on life. I watched and listened. Although I felt pained at heart, I still hoped to help her fulfill her wish to return to the United States and so I went to consult the doctor. But the doctor reiterated that she was in no condition to travel.  

On July 30th, the hospital director announced that her condition had worsened. The hospital staff hoped that I might persuade her to move to Hospice Care, to be psychologically prepared at the time of death. The staff had tried to convince her many times, but to no avail; she still hoped that a miracle would occur on July 28th and that she would be able to return to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas.

In order to help her face her present condition, I changed my stance from consoling to persuasion. I shared with her some notable public records and life stories of high masters in the past who had many faithful followers as well as heavy responsibilities. They too had many unrealized goals and plans, but when they realized that their health was ailing, they let go of everything and passed their responsibilities on to others or made vows to come back in new healthy bodies to continue their unfinished work. Actually, the end of one life marks the beginning of another. The power of karma is inconceivable, for it causes life to continue without cease. Therefore we should not be concerned with the endless flow of life, but rather with whether or not we have proper knowledge and views, whether our resolve for the Way is firm, how much of the Buddhadharma we are able to apply, and whether we have control of our own mind. What you cannot face now, you must still face in the end.  

I told her: You should show your skill as a cultivator. Since the day you encountered the Buddhadharma, for over ten years, you have steadfastly practiced sleeping in a sitting position and eating one meal a day, doing your best to uphold the precepts even during serious illness. Such a strong resolve will surely carry over to future lives. It is time to let go of this ailing, weak body and flow with the course of things; you should cooperate with the hospital staff. You must not only have faith, but also be grateful for their treatment and care. When you look at the big picture, everything will open up. If your life must end, then you can't prolong it, but if you are supposed to live longer, then there will surely be a turn of events. Think it over well! There is nothing worthwhile for you to cling to.

The next day, I came into the room and found her in a calm state. She smiled and said to me, "Tell the doctor that I give in. Please tell me what I need to do to cooperate with the treatment process; I will go along with everything." Her mother, who had come all the way from home [in Malaysia] to take care of her for the past six months, ran out of the room and cried upon hearing her. On the one hand, she was happy that Heng Sying Shi was finally willing to face reality; on the other, she grieved that life could be so desolate.

After she moved to Hospice Care, the situation changed completely. It was a very humane and warm-hearted treatment program. The hospital staff used a steam treatment to massage her water-bloated legs, alleviating the pain of the swelling. Next they gave her a warm bath to relax her body, and the results were immediate. She was no longer restless, but in good spirits. She even requested solid food to eat, in order to regain her bowel movement so as to not have shots or I.V. insertion. Both her physical and mental condition improved and she even went out to the gardens. Everyone relaxed a bit.

She was still convinced that a miracle would occur on the 28th, so every day she would ask what the date was, but on the surface she appeared completely normal and accepted all kinds of medical treatment. She no longer needed anesthetics and could sit for long periods of time everyday. Even during rest periods, she did not lay down. Anyone who came in was greeted by her welcoming smile. The doctors and nurses praised her extraordinary stamina. She never once complained. Usually people with her illness required heavy anesthesia, but she remained the same as usual and even used the restroom on her own; this was truly a rare case.

The 28th of July came and went; the miracle that she had hoped for did not occur. She took it in stride and was her usual cheerful self when visitors came. The next day, while receiving heat therapy she saw herself in the mirror and realized that her body resembled a house that had decayed beyond repair. She finally understood, and in the middle of the night she knelt before the image of the Buddhas, Bodhisattvas and the Venerable Master to repent for not having fulfilled her responsibilities. She then asked her mother to forgive her for not being filial and for departing this world before her mother. Since her daily practice was to recite the name of Guanyin Bodhisattva and the Great Compassion Mantra, she requested her mother to call me in the middle of the night to ask, "How does one seek rebirth in the Pure Land?" Her courageous spirit won me over.

From the 30th onwards, she completely refused all forms of treatment, including massage, heat therapy, and a hot bath, saying she no longer wanted to waste human and natural resources, and only wanted to single-mindedly recite the Buddha's name and seek rebirth in the Pure Land. Therefore, we selected a tune that was easy to follow and everyone took turns reciting the Buddha's name with her. We recited the Buddha's name without cease for two days. Even when she was tired and fell asleep, her breathing still followed the rhythm of the recitation. Her courage was very moving. Due to the recitation, the swelling in her legs subsided. Seeing this change, her mother's faith increased greatly, and she kept urging her daughter to recite the Buddha's name without stopping. But Heng Sying Shi requested a day of rest because she felt pressure in her chest. At that time, reciting the Buddha's name non-stop for two days was really too strenuous for her; therefore I exhorted her to recite silently, while always being mindful of the Buddha's name. She took my advice seriously and felt happy about it.

On August 2nd, we helped her to shave her head, and she was relaxed and happy. I took the opportunity to tell her that I needed to go back [to the U.S.] to help with the ordination. I would return after the ordination was over. She replied, "Good, let's go together." I didn't take her seriously, thinking that she was just joking. She then asked, "How many preceptees are there? How are they doing? Tell all of them to be good Sangha members. What day is your flight?" I told her that it was on the morning of August 4th, and added, "When you have enough energy, you should recite the Buddha's name more; don't be lazy! When you need me, just give me a call and I will come. Take care of yourself!"

On August 4th, I returned to the United States. The person who met me at the airport said, "There was a call from Taiwan informing us that Heng Sying Shi passed away." I immediately called Taiwan to ask about the situation. The caretaker said, "The evening you left, Heng Sying Shi was still in good spirits and very much at ease. She chatted with visitors very cordially. In the morning, she got out of bed as usual and used the restroom. Then she said that the Buddha was always in her heart. She told us not to worry, that we should take a rest and that she had to go back to sleep now. She slept soundly for several hours without waking. Around 7 o'clock, she passed away peacefully."

Did she return to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas with me? Or did she go off peacefully to the Land of Ultimate Bliss?

Throughout her life, she sought to advance herself; her resolve was remarkable. She had accomplishments both in her studies and work. When she entered the monastic life, she didn't understand Chinese, but resolved to learn it. Soon after that, she could read Chinese. The Dharma Realm Buddhist Association composed the following couplet to sum up her life:

Constantly remembering her Teacher's wishes,
She shouldered great responsibilities, and
Widely cultivated the fruitions of blessings and wisdom.
Self confident in nature,
Resolute and persevering,
She concealed her wondrous merit and virtue .