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……我這個弟子叫果佑（右），怎麼叫果右呢？因為我叫他往左走，他一定要往右去；叫他往右去，他一定向左行，怎麼樣子也不聽教的：這個名字是這樣的。我認識他已經有二十多年了，一開始的時候他們有兩個人，一個叫斯蒂芬（Steve Mechling），一個叫藍伯（Gary Linebarger）；兩個人都是學生，當時就要跟著我出家。我說，你要想清楚了，出家不是那麼容易的。於是乎他自己大約就 think it over ，想清楚了。那麼以後想來想去，他說到醫院裡去做工，就遇到一個護士，也不知道是他追求這個護士，也不知道是這個護士追求他，兩個人黏黏的就分不開了。這個護士大約會武術，也是一個最好的守衛員，不知道是為什麼就把他打了；打得哭了，但是還要結婚。打也打不退，罵也罵不退，這真是一個夫婦的真寶貝。那麼打不退以後，我說：「你呀！你這個麻煩在後邊呢！嗯！哼！」當時他就結婚了。
結婚之後才知道這個味道不是很甜的，是很苦的，一天到晚在家裡要受氣；受氣受不了了就往廟上跑，要出家。我就叫所有的人也給他氣受，後來他在廟上的這個氣也受不了了。在廟上大家怎麼給他氣受呢？就是看不起他，和他講話也不客氣，甚至於不給他飯吃，就這麼樣子折磨他。他覺得還沒有和老婆吵架那麼自在，於是乎就又還俗了。像這樣子來回來回，數不過來有多少次。
以後，他太太看破了，要把他放下了，就到我廟上，跪到我面前就說：「師父啊！你要慈悲啊！我現在把這個果佑，一定要布施給你，跟著你出家。我真是受不了了！」唉！太太也受不了了。於是乎嘛，家裡也不要他了，就到廟上。這回就沒再給他氣受，所以他就出家了，這已經十二年了。出家的原因就是因為家庭裡互相吵架，所以你們想要家庭和睦，切記不要吵架；你要吵架，或者太太也會出家，或者丈夫也會出家，這一出家，那時候後悔也來不及了。
那麼和睦家庭要怎麼樣呢？就要彼此尊重，相敬如賓，就像客人一樣，可是這不是用一個假面具來做出那個樣子，要用「真誠」兩個字，要真正的互相愛敬，互相尊重，這樣子不和對方來發脾氣，不自己縱慾，不自己貪愛，不要貪愛縱慾。因為貪愛縱慾是斷喪人的精神，令人愚癡的。你研究研究，沒有結婚之前，男女互相尊重。有的男人就說，說女人沒有結婚之前像個小白兔似的，像個綿羊似的，很柔順的；結婚之後，這個小白兔和綿羊就變成母老虎了，就要吃人了，本來的樣子現出來了。這為什麼呢？就因為愚癡了！沒結婚之前是有智慧的，不吵架，互相尊重；一結婚之後，縱慾貪愛，這一來就搞得愚癡了！所以就把互相尊重，相敬如賓這個規矩就忘了，所以一天到晚吵架。那麼「家和萬事興」，你家庭要是和和氣氣的，什麼事情都順利；你家庭不和啊，什麼事情都不順利了！
※編按：果佑居士於1968年2月皈依上人。1968年上人開講「楞嚴講習班」時即為學生。1977年8月其同修果萬居士將其「布施」給上人為出家弟子；1979年10月在萬佛城受具足戒為比丘，法號恆佐。恆佐師現為本會在加拿大阿伯達省卡格利市的華嚴聖寺住持，勤勞節儉，有上人風。
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This is my disciple named Gwo Yo ("Yo" sounds like the word that means "right"). Why do I call him Gwo Yo? Because if I ask him to go to the left, he will insist on going to the right, and if I tell him to go to the left, he insists on going right. Because he is so difficult to teach, I gave him his name, and I have known him for more than 20 years.
When we first met, two of them came to see me: Steve Mechling (Gwo De) and Gary Linebarger (Gwo Yo). Both of them were students, and they wanted to become monks. I told them, "You have to think this over very carefully. Leaving the home life is not easy." I guess they thought it over carefully because they both decided to go to college instead of becoming monks.
A few years later, Gwo Yo was admitted to the hospital to have a tumor removed. While in the hospital, he met a particular nurse. I am not sure whether Gwo Yo starting courting the nurse or the nurse went after Gwo Yo, but they soon became very attached to one another and could not stand being apart. The nurse probably knew some martial arts and was also a capable guard; for no apparent reason, she beat Gwo Yo until he cried. Still, they decided to get married. No matter how he was beaten or scolded, he did not give up his wish to get married. This is a rare and precious quality in a marriage partner. I told him, "You'd better watch out! You'll have even more trouble sooner or later!" In the end, they still got married.
After getting married, Gwo Yo soon realized married life was not fun and games. Marriage was a bitter pill for him to swallow. He had to endure his wife, Gwo Wan's, bad temper day and night. Whenever he couldn't stand it anymore, he fled to the monastery and wanted to leave the home life. However, each time he came, I told everyone to give him a hard time. How did we treat him? We were mean and condescending and even refused to give him food to eat. We tortured him. He felt this treatment was even worse than quarreling with his wife, and so he "returned to lay life again." He moved in and out of the monastery so many times we lost count.
Later on his wife had a realization and decided to let him go. She came to the monastery, knelt down before me and said, "Master, please be compassionate! I now want to give away Gwo Yo and let him become a monk. I really cannot endure this anymore!" How pitiful! Even his wife could not endure their suffering anymore. Because he was no longer wanted at home, he came to the monastery again. This time no one mistreated him, and he soon left the home life. He has been a monk for twelve years, and quarreling at home drove him to become a monk.
If you wish to have a peaceful home, remember not to quarrel. If a couple quarrels, perhaps the wife will want to become a nun or maybe the husband will want to become a monk. Once someone leaves the home life, he or she should not regret his or her decision.
What should we do to have a peaceful home? We must respect one another as we would respect an honored guest. Do not be fake or pretentious. We should be truthful and sincere and treat one another with genuine respect. We should not indulge ourselves in desire and love. Such indulgence will exhaust our vital energy and make us stupid. Investigate this yourself. Before getting married, men and women treat each other with respect. Some men say that that their wives were as gentle as little rabbits before marriage, but once married, the little rabbits changed into fierce man-eating tigers. Why? Because people become stupid. Before marriage, people have some wisdom and respect one another and do not fight too much. However, after getting married, driven by love and desire, they lose this wisdom and forget to respect one another fighting and quarreling from morning to night. There is a saying which reads: "If a family is harmonious, all is well." If your family is in harmony, everything will go smoothly, if your family is not in harmony, there will be no peace.
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Note: Upasaka Gwo Yo took refuge with the Venerable Master Hua in February 1968. He was a student during the Venerable Master's Shurangama Sutra Study and Practice Session in 1968. In August 1977, his wife, Upasika Gwo Wan, gave him away to the Venerable Master to become a monk. In October 1979, Gwo Yo received the full Bhikshu ordination at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas and was given the name Heng Tso. Bhikshu Heng Tso lives at Avatamsaka Monastery in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Hard-working and frugal, he embodies the tradition of the Venerable Master.
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