另一方面，亞裔父母親所要灌輸給孩子們的，如孔孟思想、道家思想，或佛教思想等，都限於亞洲語言。換言之，這些思想存在於東方文化，亞洲語言中。
我最近去過菲律賓，發現那兒新一代的年輕人不懂中文，不懂英文，只會說菲律賓土話。為什麼？因為他們由「亞亞」（菲語保姆之意）撫養。「亞亞」是鄉下沒受過教育的13歲小女孩，充當孩子的母親。親生母親做什麼呢？忙賺錢。因此，如果你想和孩子談有關亞洲的文化傳統，你就必須考慮語言及文化上的障礙，語言也是文化代溝上一個關鍵問題。大部份美裔華人不懂中文。為什麼？中文在西方不通行，西語才當道，所以他們不學。中國人的道德傳統又很少翻譯成其它語言，都保留在中國文字中，因為中文表達得很美。
一次我拜訪了菲律賓一個富裕的佛教家庭，長達五代都吃素，但第六代不明白為什麼要作佛教徒？為什麼要吃素？不知道所誦的經文是什麼意思，覺得無聊，不願上寺廟。母親必須賄賂他們，「你去廟上我就給你五塊錢。」這就有問題了。他們住菲律賓，跟美國或西方社會無關，這是亞洲的問題––亞洲人尚未找出方法，將亞洲文化傳給他們西化了的下一代。
你說，「我年輕時都讀《論語》。」我建議你用你兒女聽得懂的語言教他們。語言是溝通上另一個主要隔閡。
第三項主要障礙是生活管理及規劃上的不同，我認為這是一個嚴重的問題。大部份亞洲人來自社會主義國家––共產國家，甚或仍殘存封建制度的國家，他們一但進入了講民主的美國––記得在他們母國文化中，居權威地位的父親及順從的母親––這些人一旦進入西方社會，女人突然發現她可以有自己的生活，自己可以完全做主。這打破了她們原來所知的家庭結構，因為中國婦女向來沒有獨立的生活，完全依附在男性的權威之下：從前如此，現在仍然如此。孩子在家見到的是這種現象，而現在在西方文化中，他們接觸到的又是另一種完全不同的訊息。
我不是為西方文化辯護，東西文化太走極端都不好；太放縱孩子，或花太多時間等孩子成熟，兩者都是問題。
從共產主義傳統中，尤其是從文化大革命這種東西中出來會有什麼感覺？或從像臺灣那種社會主義國家，一切由主管在上決定，其他人聽命行事，又會是什麼感覺？我們這裡不這樣，凡事從下而上，老百姓先做決定，政治結構非常平民化（草根），民意取向。這樣一來你的孩子就被卡在中間，他們雖然說不出，也下不出定義，但看得出，也能感受到其中的差異。你熟知的政府結構，和你現在所處國家的政府結構正相反。你所見到的那些問題，必須在孩子這一生中解決。你必須解決那些問題，然後幫孩子解決。我發現管理規劃我們的生活結構，是非常嚴重的問題。
所以，就有了三大主要的隔閡：
（一）代溝：彼此如何連繫？
（二）管理上的隔閡：如何化解差異？
（三）語言文化上的隔閡：彼此如何溝通？
這些孩子怎樣才能保持雙方文化，語言及統治系統上的優點呢？如何能正確瞭解他們所未曾經歷過的東方文化，特別是在西方語言中所缺乏的這種特質？他們生活在西方，無法接觸到本土文化的直接沖擊，有太多他們接觸不到，沒翻譯過來，太陳舊過時，使他們不感興趣。
孔子、老子都非常重視家庭倫理及社會結構，我們常以儒家哲學來談論規範家庭及社會的問題，但老子也談「一陰一陽之謂道」，並談家庭結構及手足之間所扮演的角色。
待續 |
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On the other hand, the things your mother throws up to you if your Asian are the Confucian virtues, the Daoist virtues, and the Buddhist virtues, and most of them are stuck in the Asian language. They are in the Asian culture and in the Asian language.
Recently I went to the Philippines and discovered that the young generation doesn't know Chinese or English; they only know Tagalog. Why? Because their yaya raised them. Who is their yaya? It's the thirteen-year-old girl their parents brought in from the Provinces who doesn't have any education. She acts as their mother. What is their real mother doing? She's busy making money. And so, if you want to talk about instilling Asian tradition in kids, we've got to look at language and culture as another gap, and language is very fundamental. Most ABC (America-born Chinese)'s don't know Chinese, because it's not "in" to know Chinese. It's only "in" to know Western languages. They don't learn their language. And Chinese have been very, very slow to translate their virtue traditions into other languages; they keep them in their own language, because it is beautiful in their own language.
Once in the Philippines I visited a very rich Buddhist household. They had been Buddhists for five generations and vegetarians for five generations, but the sixth generation didn't know why they should be Buddhists; they didn't know why they should be vegetarians; they didn't know what was being recited. They got bored. They hated to come to the temple. Their mother had to bribe them, "I'll give you $5 to go to the temple." There's a problem there. It has nothing to do with America or Western society. It is an Asian problem. Asians have not found a way to communicate the Asian culture to their Westernized kids.
You say, "Well when I was young I read the Analects." I say, give it to your kids in a language they can understand. Language is another major gap.
The third major gap I see is in governing and structuring our lives. And I see this as a serious gap. Most Asians are coming out of countries that are socialist, communist, or that even contain remnants of feudalism, into a democracy. Somehow we are going to have to deal with that: the authoritative father and the submissive mother. Coming into Western society, the woman suddenly finds out she has a life of her own. She can make her own choices. That's breaking down the family structure, because women never had a life of their own (in China). They were under the total authority of the male figure. In fact, they still are. The kids see that, but at the same time they receive a different message from Western culture. Now, I do not defend the Western culture.
Too much of either one is going to be disastrous. Too much indulgence, or too much of waiting till the kid is ready--either is disaster.
What's it like coming out of a Communist tradition, with some quirks like the Cultural Revolution? Or a totally socialist structure where everything is dictated from the top, as in Taiwan and other countries. Somebody decides and everybody follows. We don't do that here; we start at the bottom and go up. We start with local people making decisions. The governing structure is grass-roots oriented. And so somehow your kids are caught between all of that. They see and sense it. They may not be able to name and define it, but the governing structure of your family--what you perceive as a good government--is somehow the opposite of the government you are living with and in now. Somehow those problems that you perceive must also be solved in your children's life. You need to solve them and help your children to somehow solve them. I see the governing and structuring of our lives as a very serious problem.
And so the three major gaps: the generation gap, how do we connect; the governing gap, how do we resolve the differences; and the language-culture gap, how do we communicate. How can they sustain the best of both cultures, both languages, both governing systems? How can they put in proper perspective what's so easy for them to pick up in Western languages but which lacks the substance of Eastern culture which they aren't experiencing. Here in the West they aren't receiving any direct impact from their own culture. Much of it isn't available to them. Much of it isn't translated, or is so antiquated that they aren't interested.
The structure of the family and society were important to both Confucius and Lao Zi. We usually associate concerns about society and family with Confucian philosophy, but Lao Zi talked very fundamentally about "one yin and one yang make the Way." And he talked about the family structure and about the role of the siblings in the family.
To be continued |
