 師父上人、諸位法師、諸位善知識：
……這次出家我事先並沒報名，因為我那大孩子還在讀大學，我們講好等他大學畢業我才出家的。
去年（2000）十二月十號舉行剃度儀式，君康（真素齋）三位義工準備出家。我跟負責人果藩居士商量，「麼辦？一走三個，我們工作這麼重。」那時很想去西雅圖金峰寺拜《梁皇寶懺》，她說，「妳趁她們三個還在的時候去吧！等她們出家了，妳去就難了。」
於是我去了，拜時看懺文，覺得受苦的眾生實在太多太可憐了，感觸很多，覺得出家實在非常好。拜完懺回萬佛城「君康」工作，有人說，「早上面談的是今年要出家的，等下面談是明年要出家的。」果藩開口了，「幫果卿寫上名字！」「我沒說要出家，去談什麼？」「沒關係，那是明年的。」「好吧！好吧！」
面談時她們問，「果卿，是真的嗎？」不知怎麼我竟說，「真的、真的。」
「確定嗎？」
「確定。」
「妳來幾年了？」
「再四個月就滿八年了。」
「妳真偷懶啊！到現在還沒有出家。」
「我看禮拜天就把果卿給剃了。」
我急了，「還沒有，還沒有；我還沒跟我那孩子講，講好了再跟妳們報告。反正禮拜天才剃度嘛。」禮拜四那天我跟我大孩子講，「你畢業前我可能出家……」
「很好啊！」
「你應該可以吧？」
「可以，是妳剃不是我剃，我要護法。」
「好，你當護法最好了。」
「不是護法，我要護『頭髮』的『髮』。」他頑皮，跟我開玩笑。
剃頭後我去金聖寺受訓，學戒律和法器。我記性不好，太緊張，法器打得錯誤百出。聽經時要復講，一次中文，一次英文。
以前沒認真練習英文，只好跟法師商量，「可不可以暫時不用英文講？我年紀大，可不可以就念『阿彌陀佛』好了？」「妳這個年紀還是要練習英文。」看樣子，我還是聽話，盡力去學比較好。
最後我要講的是，想出家的人，希望你們遂心滿願；猶豫不決的，希望你們鼓起勇氣。出家非常好，讓我們學習了生死，希望大家不要畏縮，勇猛向前。阿彌陀佛！
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Venerable Master, all Dharma masters, and all good advisers:
For this occasion of leaving the home life, I did not sign up beforehand, because my eldest child is still in college, and I had agreed that I would wait until after he graduated from college to leave the home life.
In the middle of November last year (2000), I found out that on December 10th there would be a ceremony for leaving the home life. Jyun Kang had three volunteers preparing to leave home. I discussed with Upasika Guofan who was the supervisor. "What are we going to do? Three of them are leaving, and our jobs are so overwhelming." At the time, I really wanted to go to Gold Summit Monastery in Seattle to attend the Jeweled Repentance of the Emperor of Liang, so she said, "You should go while they are still working here! Otherwise it would be hard for you to go."
After hearing what she said, I went. When I read the text of the repentance and performed the repentance, I felt that living beings enduring misery are truly too great in number and much too pathetic. I was quite touched, and I felt that leaving the home life is a very good thing. When I returned to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas, someone said, "The morning interviews were for those who would leave the home life this year. The interviews later on in the afternoon will be for those leaving the home life next year." Guofan said, "Sign Guochin up!" and my name was thus written on the list. I said, "What am I going to say when I go there? I did not say I was going to leave the home life; what am I going to talk about?" "No problem, it is for next year." "Okay, okay." I then went to the interview. During the interview they said, "Guochin, is it for real?" Without knowing how, out of my mouth came the reply,
"Yes, yes, it's for real."
"Are you certain?"
"I'm certain."
"How many years have you been here?"
"In four months, it will be eight years."
"You sure know how to procrastinate! You haven't left the home life up to now."
One said, "I think we should shave Guochin's head this Sunday.”
I said, "Not yet, not yet; I haven't told my son yet. Since the ceremony is on Sunday, I will decide on Thursday and then report back to you, ok?" On Thursday I said to my eldest child, "Before you graduate, I most likely will leave the home life. What do you think?"
"That's great!"
"You should be able to handle things, right?"
"I can. It is you who will be shaving your head, not me. I want to be a protector."
"Great, it is best that you take the role of protecting the Dharma."
"Not protecting the Dharma. I want to protect my hair." He was joking with me.
After my head was shaved, I was assigned to Gold Sage Monastery for training. The Dharma Masters very earnestly taught us about the precepts and the Dharma instruments. However, because my memory is poor, I made lots of mistakes when I played the Dharma instruments. When we listened to the Sutras, we had to repeat the lecture, one time in Chinese and one time in English. Everyone was able to, except for me. I was particularly incapable of speaking English.
"Can I temporarily not speak in English? I am so old, can't I get by with simply chanting, 'Amitabha?'" The Dharma Master replied, "Even at your age, you must practice English." I think I'd better do my best to learn.
Lastly, I want to say: for those who wish to leave the home life, may you fulfill your aspiration; for those who have not made up their mind, may you gather up courage. Leaving the home life is very good, for it allows us to learn about life and death. I hope that everyone will not hide in fear and will charge ahead bravely. Amitabha!
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