今天（2000年10月15日星期日）萬佛城慶祝觀音菩薩出家日法會，一大早住宿生就去大殿誦《普門品》，而我，選擇了朝山。
早上天氣寒冷黑暗，我把自己裹得跟粽子一樣，希望因為穿得厚些就不會太冷，也希望跪著時不會太痛。從一開始我就抱著「朝山有功德，但也不要把自己弄得太痛」的想法，所以我拜下去時慢吞吞的，上來時最快，因為地好冷。一直拜到天色轉亮，我才看清前面是一位已上了年紀的婆婆，正虔誠地向下拜，半駝的背吃力地向下彎。突然間，我被一股強烈的自卑感和羞恥包圍。
她穿的比我少，只有毛衣和一件夾克；而我，穿了兩條褲子、二件套頭毛衣，還抱怨太冷太痛。從她的背影和動作，可以明顯看出她很累了；而我，正值年輕力壯，卻拜沒多久就在心裡嘀咕，「好累，好煩喔！」她一直努力跟大眾的腳步拜；我則怕冷而落後。看著她的背影，我心裡只有羞愧，於是我也開始學著她的步伐，走三步拜一拜。起初我好冷，手腳冰涼想放棄，卻在起身時看見老婆婆的背影而告訴自己要堅持下去。慢慢的，地上的石頭似乎不再這麼刺人，溫度也不再如此冷冽，身體漸漸發熱，腳也不再覺得冰了。我拜著拜著，心裡的抱怨越來越少，路，似乎不再這麼的長了。心神寧靜，耳邊傳來陣陣的唸佛聲，我幾乎能聽到自己的心跳聲。
我專心拜著，對四周不加分心。天色大白時，我輕輕扯開一個微笑，是給那位老婆婆，也是給我自己，縱使那老奶奶看不到。我一直沒跟她說話也沒打招呼，但是我衷心感謝她。因為她，我又學了一樣道理，吃苦和耐力；是她，使我看清了自己。
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Today (Sunday, October 15, 2000) we celebrated the Day of Guanyin Bodhisattva's Leaving Home at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas. The other students in the girls' dormitory decided to recite the "Universal Door Chapter" in the main hall, but I chose to bow.
It was a chilly and dark morning. I was bundled up in so many clothes that I looked like a polar bear. I was hoping that it wouldn't be as cold if I wore more layers. I was also hoping that I wouldn't hurt too much from the kneeling. From the start, I thought, "I'm not going to allow myself to hurt too much though there's merit in bowing." I bowed down slowly but came up fast because the ground was so cold. When the day broke I noticed that an elderly woman was ahead of me, bowing sincerely. Her half-hunched back was bending down strenuously. Suddenly, I felt incredibly inferior and ashamed.
She was wearing less than me, just a sweater and a jacket. I, on the other hand, had on two pairs of pants and two sweaters, yet I was complaining that it was too cold and too painful. Looking at her from behind, I could tell that she was very tired. I, on the other hand, am young and strong, yet I started to moan and complain soon after we began to bow, "It's so tiring. It's such a pain!" The elder was trying her best to keep up with everyone while I was falling behind because I was afraid of the cold. Looking at her, I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I began to imitate her pace, bowing down after every three steps. I was very cold at first. I wanted to give up because of my cold hands and feet, but I told myself to persevere when I caught a glimpse of her as I got up. Gradually, the stones on the ground didn't seem so spiky, and the temperature didn't seem so nippy. My body gradually warmed up; my feet didn't feel so icy anymore. As I bowed and bowed, the complaints in my mind subsided and the road didn't seem so long anymore. I was calm as the sound of the Buddha's name encircled me; I could practically hear my own heartbeat.
I focused on bowing, paying no attention to what was around me. By dawn, I started to smile, both for the elderly woman and for myself. Even though she didn't see me—I never spoke to her or greeted her— I want to thank her from the bottom of my heart. Because of her, I learned another lesson: to endure suffering and be patient. Because of her, I saw myself clearly. |
