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這一切得從我來聖城參加第一次禪七說起……1995年冬，我第一次由菲律賓跨進聖城禪堂時，除了身上的冬衣，什麼都沒帶來。當時毫無經驗，連「坐禪」是什麼都不知道，當然更不知道應該準備一條蓋腿的毯子了。
暫時脫離原本「企業經營式的生活」形態，我決定重新安排自己的時間，投入每日14小時的禪修：早上七點進禪堂，直到晚間聽完上人開示，才回寮房；跳上床，倒頭就睡。
頭幾天，一切都進行得十分順利，靜坐中我可以相當程度地管住自己的念頭。我戴著一隻大錶面的塑膠手錶，可以清楚看見自己正在宗教的路上分分秒秒定著。我將自己每一分鐘所忍受的痛苦，供養給一尊佛或一尊菩薩，就這麼一支香一支香地熬，經常兩腿疼痛，連頭腦一併麻痺。
接著，大概是第二個禮拜吧，突然間我面前的佛像似乎活動了起來，其中兩尊佛像是在談論我。確定日期或詳細的談話內容，我不記得了，因為上人再三提醒我們，不要在意種種的境界。不過我仍然記得對話主要內容——如果我想嚐到真正的禪味，就必須完全吃素。當時我直覺反應是：「喔！不行！我可不希望這樣！」談話就此打住了。
廿一天的禪七，我每天都聆聽上人開示的錄音帶，點點滴滴地拼湊對禪的認知。禪七結束之後，我開始讀《楞嚴經》，經中提到修禪而不斷葷腥不持齋，是十分危險的，尤其是對那些長坐的禪修者，很容易就會誤入種種魔境而出不來。
也因為我貪著想體驗禪的境界，從此我開始認真地斷絕肉食，從平常最愛吃的各地山珍海味開始。接下來，切斷每天必吃的紅肉類，之後再將白肉類從菜單裡取消，最後斷的是蛋和牛油。總而言之，自從我在禪堂不小心聽到「兩尊佛像的對話」之後，前後大約花了十八個月的時間，才完全斷了肉食。
我是如何將肉類徹底從日常飲食中請出去的呢？的確，這需要運用許多的想像力及方法來完成。在這十八個月期間，我為自己設定了種種階段性的犒賞，直到這斷肉之舉光彩圓滿地落幕，細節我不詳述了。總之，在我切斷最後兩樣非素食——蛋和牛油之前，我享受了一頓最豐盛的美食。
記得是
1997年夏天一個清新晴朗的早晨，我特意跑去舊金山聯合廣場，位於希爾頓大飯店對面轉角處一間嚮往已久的小咖啡屋；1960年代的設計風格，弧形的長檯配著高腳椅。印象中那是我吃過最棒的一頓早餐，或許是因為我知道那是我僅剩的最後幾頓「非素食」早餐吧！打從1975年念大學以來，就從沒吃到那麼美味的肉桂土司和咖啡，那餐的肉桂土司還是放在烤肉架上烘烤出來的呢！
罷了，這一切已成歷史……。現在我仍然參加聖城的禪七修習靜坐，但我不再像以往那麼在意來來去去的境界了。目前我所在意的是如何能制心一處，靜坐時能不受妄念打擾。
不吃肉的日子是怎樣過下來的呢？嗯……，首先要感謝那些製造桂格麥片的廠商，其次再感謝那些種咖啡豆、可可豆的人！
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It all started with that first winter Chan
at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas (CTTB)...
Arriving from the Philippines equipped with nothing except
for the winter clothes that I had on me, I entered the Chan
Hall at CTTB in December, 1995. Not only did I have no
experience or idea as to what sitting in Chan meant, I was
not even aware that I was supposed to bring my own "sitting
blanket" with me when sitting in Chan.
Coming from an "entrepreneurial world," I decided to
rearrange my timetable into a fourteen-hour-a-day meditation
schedule. I would start the mornings at 7 and end the day by
listening to the Venerable Master's talks in the evenings,
thereafter going straight to bed.
Things went nicely for the first several days. I had in the
process kept my thoughts under control--at least to a
certain degree. Thanks to my big-faced plastic watch, I was
religiously keeping track of the minutes that went by. I
found myself offering each minute of pain to one Buddha or
Bodhisattva after another. This went on from one incense
stick to the next until my head "numbed with the pain" from
my aching legs.
Then suddenly, during the second week or so, the Buddha
statues in front of me seemed to become animated. I heard
two of them talking about me. I cannot recall the exact
conversation, since the Venerable Master repeatedly
instructed us to ignore such states. However, I still
remember the gist of the message. I was told that the only
way I was going to taste the flavor of Dhyana was if I
switched to a completely vegetarian diet.
My immediate response to that mental state was: "Oh no! I
certainly hope not!!!" After which I simply left it at that.
In the meantime, I continued listening and in the process
learned bits and pieces about Chan from the evening lectures
of the Venerable Master during the three-week Chan session.
After the session, I started reading the Shurangama Sutra,
from which I learned that it is very dangerous to meditate
and still be on a non-vegetarian diet. This is especially
true for those who do long meditation sits, since it is very
easy to get into all sorts of demonic states with no
guarantee of getting out.
From then on, because I was greedy to experience the taste
of Dhyana, I cut off all the exotic meat dishes that I
normally ate and enjoyed. I then removed all the red meat
from my daily diet, after which I stopped consuming white
meat as well. The last to go were the eggs and the butter.
All in all, it took me some eighteen months since the
"animated conversation" I had overheard in the Chan Hall.
How did I finally bow out of the meat diet?
Indeed it was done with a lot of imagination and style. I
gave myself a long standing grand finale which I had spread
over the eighteen months mentioned above. However, I will
not go into any more details. All I can say is that the best
meal that I've ever had was when I was down to cutting out
the last non-vegetarian part of my diet i.e., the eggs and
the butter.
I remember that crisp and bright morning in the summer of
1997, when I purposely sought out a small coffee shop that
was just around the corner across from the San Francisco
Hilton in Union Square. It was the type of coffee shop that
only had stools and a long curved counter reminiscent of the
60's. To my mind, it was the best breakfast that I have ever
had. Perhaps, it was because I knew that it would be one of
my last non-vegetarian breakfasts. I never enjoyed a better
cinnamon toast and coffee since my undergraduate years back
in 1975. Of course, the cinnamon toast had been prepared on
a grill where the rest of the non-vegetarian meals were
cooked.
Anyway, those are now bygone days... I am still working on
my meditation through the Chan sessions at the CTTB.
Furthermore, unlike before, I am no longer concerned about
the type of states that come and go. What concerns me is
working on the skill towards one-pointedness so that I can
control the "false thoughts" that come my way during the
sits.
And how do I keep my sanity these days? Well... Blessed are
the souls of the makers of Quaker Oats, and blessed are all
the coffee and cocoa growers all over the world.
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