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初到聖城不久，有人介紹我讀〈影塵回憶錄〉，說著隨手把書塞給了我，那是我第一次讀。當時我對佛法尚未有什麼瞭解，走馬看花似地瀏覽一遍，覺得淡然無味。最近無意之中我信手拈來再讀一次，這一次竟使我欲罷不能，當晚興奮得幾乎徹夜未眠。
為何如此興奮？因為在這些淺淺字句之中，口敘者倓虛老法師的音容笑貌盡在眼底；隨著他的音容笑貌，我好像也走過了那一百年。在風雨飄搖之中，倓老竭力撐住將傾大廈，為佛教在中國北方的延續，嘔心瀝血，直至希望的盡頭。1949年，他老揖別他主建沒幾年的青島湛山寺到了香港，再用餘暉寫下夕陽最後的一頁，那是一九六三年。
知其不可為而為之，是他的苦心；能多度一個眾生，就多度一個。當多數高僧如虛老、印光、太虛、弘一等諸大師的緣法都在南方時，那苦撐於華北和東北的，是倓老和尚。回顧老和尚身後，是一起起的革命，一波波的動亂；義和團、八國聯軍、日俄戰爭、直奉戰爭、直皖戰爭、北伐、九一八事變、國共戰爭，在那種情形下，別說弘揚佛教，就是維持都很艱難。倓老不僅挺下來了，而且還給凋零的北方佛教注入新血，多延續了幾年，直到共產黨接手後，佛教正式地名存實亡。讀此〈影塵〉，催人淚下。
我們為大德們傷懷感嘆，而憑願再來的人，於諸世間苦，又何曾計較？讓我們來回首一些歷史的片段吧：
倓老生於晚清光緒元年（1875），籍貫河北寧河縣北塘庄，離八國聯軍登陸的南河口僅二十五里路。年輕的倓老目睹了亡命於洋人槍砲下的鄉民們，屍體漂滿了河道。倓老家本就貧寒，這一來連餬口都成了問題，乃約幾位同鄉逃荒。飛鳥亂投林，投到了德國人手下作苦力，因語言不通，幾個人差點挨棍。後來又給法國人作搬運工，一次是從輪船卸米上火車，一袋一百六十斤。倓老正患瘧疾，體力吃不住，法國工頭又拿著鐵條，虎視耽耽地監工，倓老不得已，躲到火車輪子底下躲過一劫。
到了大連，經人介紹，倓老剛找到一份工作，即達上日俄戰爭而又失業。山窮水盡時，他暫時以以前所學的醫卜星相來給人卜卦，度過艱難的歲月。後來他開了一家藥鋪，一家人也都搬到營口，生活才稍微安定一點。在這一段時間，他入了「佛教宣講堂」，認識了朝陽縣的王鳳儀先生。也是在這一段時間裡，他得以潛心讀了整八年的《楞嚴經》，為將來的弘法利生打下基礎。
⊰待續
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When I first came to the
Sagely City, someone handed the set of books entitled Memoirs like Dust and Shadows to me
and recommended them to me. That was
the first time I read them. At that time my understanding
of Buddhadharma was slight. I skimmed
through the books and found them
uninteresting. Recently I happened upon these books up again
and started to read them. This time I
could hardly put them down. I was so excited that I hardly slept that night.
Why was I so excited?
Because, following that clear sketch of Elder Dharma Master Tan Xu's life and personality, I felt
as if I was re-living those hundred
years. During that tumultous time, Elder Tan used all his
strength to hold up a great institution on the verge
of collapse. Hanging onto the last
glimmer of hope, he exhausted himself for the sake of
Buddhism's survival in northern China. In 1949 he
left Zhan Shan Monastery, which he
had built on Qingdao only a few years before, and
moved to Hong Kong to spend his remaining energy
writing the last pages of his life.
That was in 1963.
He was determined to
attempt the impossible. If he could save just one more living being, he was willing to do it. When most
of the great Buddhist monks, such as
the Venerables Xu Yun, Yin Guang, Tai Xu, and Hong Yi were drawn to the south, Elder Tan was the only one
left supporting north and northeastern
China (Manchuria). Reviewing his life, we see that in his time he experienced numerous revolts and crises: the
Boxer Rebellion, the army of the Eight Allies, the
Russo-Japanese war, Battles between Zhi and Feng, the
Zhi-Wan Battles, the Northern Expedition, the September 18th Incident, the Nationalist/Communist war. Under those
circumstances, Buddhism had trouble just surviving, not to
mention propagating the teachings. Not only did the
Elder Tan prolong the life of Buddhism, he infused the
declining Buddhism in the north with new blood. Thus, it
survived a few years longer, until the Communists took
over and Buddhism became a mere name. Reading those
Memoirs, one cannot help but weep.
We lament the hardships
of the greatly virtuous ones, yet they, returning on their
vows, seem not to mind the worldly suffering they endure.
Let's briefly review that period of history.
Elder Tan was born in
the first year of the Guangxu reign in the late Qing
dynasty (1875), in the Beitang Village of Ninghe County,
Hebei Province, only 25 li [8.3 miles] from Nanhekou, where
the Eight Nations' Allied Forces landed. As a young
boy, Elder Tan witnessed his countrymen dying by the guns of
the foreigners, leaving the river banks strewn with
corpses. When food became a problem, he and a few villagers
decided to flee to escape famine. Like a bird flying
randomly through the woods, first they found a job
working as coolies for the Germans. On account of the
language barrier, they nearly suffered a beating. Later they
worked for the French, hauling loads. Once they had to haul
bags of rice from a ship to the trains. Each bag
weighed 160 catties. Elder Tan, suffering from a case of
malaria, was too weak to continue. The French boss was
supervising the workers like a tiger, holding an iron rod.
Elder Tan had no recourse but to hide under the train
wheels to avoid being punished.
When he reached Dalian,
he obtained a job through someone's introduction, but
then the Russo-Japanese war came and he was unemployed
again. With no options left, he temporarily used what he had
learned of astrology before to tell fortunes for
people, thus getting through the hard times. Later he
opened a dispensary and his family moved to Yingkou. Life
finally started to settle down a bit. At that time, he met
Mr. Wang Feng-yi of Chaoyang County at the Buddhist
Lecture Hall. Elder Tan was also able to concentrate
for eight years on studying the Shurangama Sutra,
thus laying the foundation for his future work of
propagating the Dharma and benefiting living beings.
To be continued
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