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孩子們需要很清楚的規則、宵禁（幾點以前得回家），及父母對他們的期望，以及如果沒有遵守這些規則時的具體後果。父母要說到做到。我聽過太多的父母說：「你如果做了這件事，我會殺了你。」我會看著這個父母說：「我現在是不是應該叫警察，既然你馬上就要殺人？」切記！你所說出的話要切實際，而且一定能做得到；所給予的獎懲也是恰當的，必須這樣才行。在座有幾位曾經帶過青少年的朋友，都能告訴我，他們都不聽你的話。對不對？
他們不見得每次都聽你講話，但是你想不想知道一件很可怕的事？他們留意你做的每一件事。你不相信嗎？你做錯一件事試試看！他們會在你一生中最丟臉且最公開的時刻，當著你的面提出來。他們很仔細地在看，而那也許是做父母或是輔導青少年最困難的一方面——必須是一個沒有缺點的典範。並不是說你必須十全十美，而是，如果你犯了錯，你會負責任你會設法補救，你承認你影響了別人。這是你給孩子們上的多麼寶貴的一課！
想想你自己的行為：當銀行行員多找了你錢，而你拿了什麼都不說；又當你趕時間，把車停在殘障人士停車位，這些事情在顯示身為成人的我們，也沒有每次都做「對的事情」。我們往往不瞭解我們對年輕人的影響有多大。一個學生如果在種族、文化、性別、階級等方面能夠有一個好的、堅強的、健康的自我，他便具備了對危險行為說「不」的能力。如果他們的自尊心很強，那麼任何風險對他們而言都沒有價值了。父母需要知道在他們的社區發生了些什麼事，不僅僅是他們個人身邊對事，而是整個社區的事。
父母需要與學校、寺廟、教堂及其子女保持連絡，從防範的觀點看，也需與執法單位保持連絡，以及所有不論是與學校有關，與寺廟教堂有關，或與這社區有關，能提供正面的活動及健康的選擇等計劃保持溝通。為什麼有所選擇很重要？因為一個典型的幫派孩子會說：「我沒辦法；我沒有其他的事幹，沒法不成這樣的人。」
最後，家長、學校及執法人員需要彼此保持連繫，在問題發生之前來預防。我希望我能走進一個社區，當我問「有沒有什麼事情我可以幫忙的」這個問題時，那個青少年領袖會說：「沒有。每個負責人都已經做好了，而且我知道我可以到哪去找協助，但是還是謝謝你。」
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Children need clear rules, curfews, and expectations at home, with very specific consequences about what will happen if they are not observed. Promises must be kept.
I've heard too many moms and dads say, "If you do this, I will kill you." And I look at the parent and say, "Shall I call the police now, since you are about to commit a homicide?" Make sure that the promises you make are kept and realistic and the rewards and punishments you give are appropriate. That has to be. How many people here who have raised adolescents can tell me right now that they do not listen to what you say. Right?
They might not always listen to what you're saying. But you want to know something that's real scary? They watch everything you do. Don't believe me? Make a mistake. It will be brought up in your face at the most public and humiliating point in your life. They watch carefully.
And that's perhaps the most difficult aspect of parenting or working with adolescents. You have to be an impeccable role model. That is not to say you must be perfect. It means that if you make a mistake, you are responsible, you are accountable, you make amends, and you acknowledge you have impacted people. That is an incredibly powerful lesson for you to demonstrate to your kids.
Think about your own behavior: What about the time the teller gave you too much change back and you took it without saying anything; what about the time you were in a hurry and parked in the handicap parking space. Things like that demonstrate that as adults we don't always do the "right thing". We often don't realize what a powerful influence we are on young people. With a good, strong, healthy sense of self, in terms of race, culture, gender, class, a student will have what it takes to say, "No!" to risky behavior. If their sense of self-respect is strong, the risks won't be worth it to them. Parents need to be knowledgeable about what's happening in their communities, not just in their own personal space, but the entire community.
They need to be in communication with schools, with the temple, with their children, with law enforcement from a preventive standpoint, and with programs—whether school related, temple related, or community related—that provide positive activities and promote healthy alternatives. Why are alternatives important? Because a typical gang kid will say, "I have no other choices. There's nothing else I can do, nothing else I can be."
And finally, parents, schools, and law enforcement personnel, need to be in communication with each other to prevent problems before they occur. I want to be able to walk into a community where, when I ask the question, "Is there anything I can do for you?" the teen leader says to me, "Not really; everybody in charge has taken care of it, and I know where I can go to ask for help, but thanks anyway."
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