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行道：行解並進的宗教經驗
美國加州柏克萊世界宗教研究所秋季專題演講
比丘尼恆賢：
上人用前世的因果來做解釋：聰明是因為前世做了善事。上人還說：「善欲人知即非真善；惡恐人知便是大惡。」聰明，來自於前世為善不求人知的果報，或利益他人而不欲人知的善行。惡恐人知是大惡，因為壞的東西被隱藏而沒有清除，就會潰爛下去。
學者重視追求名譽；每次寫東西，都一定會考慮到對專業上的影響。我們要的是名譽，這是我們要認真面對的事。要在學術界功成名就，被人嫉妒羨慕，就要抬高自己。我們學到了商業的技巧；學習當權威；學習讓人人知道我們是權威，可聰明是來自陰德的積累，行善不求人知曉、讚歎，那樣我們的聰明就會不斷地增長；相反地，我們如果只顧享用聰明的果實而不去積陰德，聰明就會反為聰明誤。又有人極為聰明，卻極其奸詐。上人曾談到曹操，說他很奸詐，在中國曾一度要稱帝。所謂：「曹公奸似鬼；帝堯智如神。」其關鍵在於是求聰明，還是求智慧的抉擇。
這就是《心經》對於我非常有意義的原因。它是般若波羅蜜的心要。「般若」是梵文，智慧的意思；「波羅蜜」意為到彼岸，或究竟，達到覺悟的智慧：結合起來其意為「以智慧到彼岸」，《心經》是縮寫。第一次來廟上時，我就已經背下來了。我要將學術與心靈的追求融合起來，其中心就是《心經》。在廟裡聽講，上人大多用中文，再由人譯成英文。上人的開示非常靈活，在他講了中文還沒讓譯成英文之前，有些聽懂的人已經笑出聲來了。講《法華經》時，一次我突然意識到上人在用中文講我，內容極有意義。我等著翻譯的時候，看看到底是在說些什麼。原來上人是引用《心經》。我明白上人了知我的一切，我生活中的一切；我在此之前的一切經歷，在廟裡的一切活動：上人是我過去多生多世的師父，語言文字是難以形容那種感受的。
雖然梵文《心經》已背下的部份，我尚未將之解讀，《心經》確實把我與佛教聯繫了起來。上人知道我的心，知道什麼是對我有意義的，用中文對我講《心經》，結果一切恰到好處。我意識到自己不一定要放棄學術上的追求就可以做心靈的追求。這件事一直使我進退兩難－－「為了求心靈之道我是否要將那一切都放棄？我是不是弄錯了？是否學術追求毫無意義，純粹是白廢功夫？」不是，我得到的訊息是「將我以前的事業完成，再追求心靈之道。」
《心經》說不要用分別心；這是說經過「分別」的過程，再超越過去。這並不是要呆滯，而是要智慧；不要聰明，要圓滿智慧，或許要花上許多生的時間。佛教有許多法門，真是奇妙！我曾提到我在柏克萊教了一段時期的書，後來通過了資格考試，又得到了獎學金，但須在一年內完成博士論文。那時廟上所有的比丘尼都來幫我，我現在對她們仍然懷著極大的感激之心。因為那時她們在廟上的工作很重，而我卻只專心用功寫論文，其他什麼也不用做，她們甚至幫我打字。論文完成之後，在一九七四至一九七五年間，我們聽到了萬佛城這塊地方。我們開始聚會討論：「有了這麼一大塊好地方，我們應該做什麼好？」我們決定建一所大學，就是我剛提到的法界佛教大學。我身邊坐著幾位畢業生，我非常引以為榮的。我們創辦了大學，有了所有這些系，所有這些大學的活動。開始時，我有一段很長時間仍繼續我的學術生活。隨著時光的流逝，我生活中比丘尼的成份增加了，學者的成份減少了。我並沒有準備談這一過程，因為我這次想談的是梵文。我已經有了題目，叫「梵文解答中國謎」，只是我仍在想把自己的謎一塊塊拼湊出來。這個謎就是如何將學術生活與修道完整地結合起來。對於這個題目，我是班門弄斧，因為這不是我的研究範圍。我希望我所講的材料，那有趣的道理會對人們的生活有些益處。現在我讓下一位講。
待續
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Walking the Way: Praxis and Gnosis in Religious Experience
Institute for World Religions Fall Faculty Lectures Berkeley, California
Bhikshuni Heng Hsien:
Our teacher explained this teaching as cause and effect, and it involves the concept that there have been previous lives. The explanation is that if people have intelligence in this lifetime, that is the result of having done good deeds in past lives. Our teacher also imparts that good done only for people to see is not true goodness, and evil done fearing people will know about it is real evil. The reward of intelligence comes from good deeds performed in the past without the demand for recognition, or trying to better the situation of other people without trying to be known for good deeds. Evil done while trying to keep others from knowing about it increases the evil because it festers— it's hidden and you don't clean it out, so it becomes worse.
There is the wish for reputation. In scholarship, there is our scholarly reputation to consider. Every time we write something, we have to consider the effect it's going to have on our career. Our scholarly reputation is at stake. In that sense there is a real decision to be made and a real issue to face. If we are going to be successful in the scholarly world, in terms of being famous, envied and admired, we might have to promote ourselves. We learn the tricks of the trade. We learn how to be an authority, how to make sure everyone else knows that we are the authority. But intelligence in this life comes from practicing hidden virtue. When we continue to do good deeds without being known or admired, we continue to nourish that intelligence. However, if we just enjoy the reward of intelligence while forgetting about the hidden virtue, smartness turns around and defeats itself. There are examples of extraordinarily clever people who turn out to be treacherous. Our teacher talks about Cao Cao, a treacherous person in Chinese history who became emperor for a time. It is said that Cao Cao was as clever as a ghost. By contrast, Emperor Yao, one of the great sage kings of the past, was as wise as the spirits. The decision is whether to pursue intelligence or develop wisdom.
This is why the Heart Sutra was very meaningful to me. It is the heart of Prajna Paramita. Prajna is the Sanskrit word for wisdom. Paramita literally means "gone to the other shore," or to have completed or perfected something, to have reached enlightened wisdom. Together, the words mean "wisdom gone to the other shore." The
Heart Sutra is in abbreviated formulas. I had been reciting this from memory when I first came to the temple. The
Heart Sutra was central to a merging of my intellectual activities and my spiritual aspirations. I was attending lectures at the temple and our teacher taught mostly in Chinese, with someone translating into English. Our teacher was a very lively lecturer, very dynamic. Some people understood Chinese already and would laugh during the Chinese portion of the lecture, before the words were translated into English. During a lecture on the
Lotus Sutra, I suddenly had the feeling that our teacher was speaking directly to me, in Chinese, and that it was incredibly meaningful. I waited until the translation to find out what was so meaningful. Our teacher was quoting the
Heart Sutra. To me this meant that he knew everything about me, that everything in my life had been leading up to my current experience and activities at the temple, and that he was actually my teacher from many lives past. These words don't add up to that experience.
The Heart Sutra was the one thing I really related to in Buddhism, although I had not yet deciphered what I had memorized in Sanskrit. For the Master to know my mind, to know what was most meaningful to me, and to be speaking it to me in Chinese all clicked. I realized that my intellectual and academic work did not have to be set aside in order to follow the spiritual path, which had been my dilemma. "Do I have to put all that away if I follow the spiritual path? Did I make a mistake? Does it mean there was no meaning to it and it was all a waste?" No, in fact, the message was that the fulfillment of my previous activities was to go on the spiritual path.
The Heart Sutra speaks about not using the discriminating mind. It means to go through the process of discrimination, then go beyond it. It does not mean to be dumb, but rather to be wise instead of just smart. As for perfecting your wisdom, that's probably the job of many lifetimes. The nice thing about Buddhism is that you have many doors, approaches or ways to get in and stay in. I mentioned that I taught in Berkeley for a while. I passed my qualifying examinations and eventually received a fellowship to finish my dissertation, which I was required to complete in one year. All the other nuns helped me finish in a year, if you can imagine. I still feel a great debt of gratitude and I should renew that feeling because the nuns at that time took a lot of the responsibilities at the monastery, and let me just study and finish the dissertation. They even helped me type it. After I had completed my dissertation, in 1974-5, we heard that there was a property called the City of 10,000 Buddhas. We started having meetings to discuss it: "What will we do with this wonderful big place if we get it?" We decided to have a university, which is the university I have been talking to you about— Dharma Realm Buddhist University. Here are a couple of its graduates sitting next to me, of whom I am very proud. We started the university, we had all of these departments, with all of these university activities. In the beginning, I was able to stay intellectual for a long time. As the years have gone by, I am becoming more of a nun and less of a scholar. I didn't expect to talk about what that's like because I thought in this series I was going to give a talk on Sanskrit. I already had a title: "Sanskrit Solutions to Chinese Puzzles." But I'm still trying to piece together my own puzzle, which is the puzzle of how to fully integrate the intellectual life with the spiritual life. I'm talking to you at the forefront of research on the topic because it wasn't my field of study. I hope there will be some material for reflection and some interesting principles that will be useful in people's lives. Now I am going to hand it over to the next speaker.
To be continued
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