比如過去 十年中，十四至十七歲的少年謀殺率增加了165％。每天有135,000個孩子帶槍上學；70％的十二至十三歲兒童，在所認識的同齡人中飲酒的有44％；吸毒的有33％；擁有槍械的有29％；曾入獄的有27％；已有孩子或已懷孕的有20％；被性虐待的有12％，這是美國十二至十三歲兒童的統計數字。

自1950年起，單親母親的家庭從五百萬增至兩千萬，增加了四倍；自1970年起，單親的父母從四百萬增至一千兩百萬，增加了三倍；十八歲以下兒童26％由單親母親撫養；4％由單親父親撫養。過去三十年中，美國青少年，頭胎兒產自雙親未婚結合的數目從33％增至8l％。美國少女作母親的比例幾乎是約旦、菲律賓、泰國的總合。美國六分之一的兒童是繼養的；十一分之一的成人離婚，其比例是1970年的三倍。

其實1970年我曾與這些人打交道，為有危難的兒童及家庭服務。這些兒童流浪街頭，或與警察、法院有麻煩；吸毒、參與幫派、暴力行為、曠課、被性虐待，都出於無人照顧或缺少家庭關懷。1970年，我在加州中央谷時，正是與這些人打交道。現在，讀到統計數字，發現大多數都增加了三倍或四倍，因此，我可以想像得到現在的實際情形如何。

只是現在我所打交道的是另一類人。這類人擁有種種物質享受、社會地位；穿著考究，上最好的學校，住最好的社區。他們是倍受注目的精英，是過度關懷下的產物。我今天想要談的就是這類年輕人所面臨的困擾。

我得承認在論及這一年齡段的人時，我有些不自在，因為我屬於另一代的人。然而，因為他們常常難以將憂愁用言語表達出來，我覺得這也是他們問題的一部份。現在我將我個人在教學與交談中，對這類人所觀察到的講述出來。如果有不當之處，希望他們能加以指正。

在舊金山灣區，我天天與一些年輕人打交道，其中許多都是亞裔美國人，就是我所說的失落者。他們在異常大的壓力，與不安全狀況下，拼命掙扎以維持健康與精神正常。在下面的討論中，我隱去其真名。

第一個例子是某甲，這是真人真事。她十九歲，在班上名列前茅，而且都是晉級，曾獲奧林匹克科學獎。在進入柏克萊加州大學前，她已在中學修完了近一半大學所要求的學分。她形容自己是個超成就者。她幹勁十足，急於得到他人的認可；但無論他人怎樣地認可她，她又從不知足。她一直在修雙學位，現在考慮修三個學位，其課業要花上大學生五、六年時間。她這樣考慮並非是為了知識，或成為多才多藝、文藝復興式的人物，而是為了在爭取名譽與成功時居於有利地位。

由於課業繁多，她視飲食、睡眠為障礙。她告訴我說如果她能不吃飯，一天只睡兩個小時，那一天她能多做多少事啊！由於不知足，她的健康變壞了；她患有壓力過巨症或又稱為appendinitus， carpaltunnel syndrome，而且不僅腕與手臂難受，現在全身都受折磨，有時痛苦到不能走路。為了攻讀三個學位，她在校園步行時，有時腿部的劇痛竟逼使她不得不就地跪下來。

她去校醫處拿處方，希望能有快速治療的辦法。當然，那些藥都不能真的解決問題。有人告訴她，唯一的辦法就是改變生活方式。可這她絕不能接受，因此她很絕望。因為改變生活方式會動搖她的根本理念，這很令她擔心。而更令她擔心的是令父母失望，以至失去他們的疼愛。父母對她的認可，是以她的繼續拼搏與成功為條件的。

我問她這樣做的動機。她生活中的一切，包括使她患carpal tunnel condition的專業－－科學、數學、工程、電腦，及朋友、室友、房子、假期等，都是由愛護支持她的父母直接或間接決定的。她沒有自己的意願與獨立的生活；她成功，卻沒有快樂與滿足感。外界的榮譽與內在的空虛焦慮並至，使她處於無法忍受的壓力之下。

我問她是否可以告訴父親：「爸爸，為了我的健康，我想將學業緩一緩。我還想換個專業，去學宗教、哲學，或人類學，也許去個競爭不那麼激烈的學校，比如小點的中西部的學校。」

她告訴我，只要她表示出一點這種意願，父母就會笑著說：「為了妳，我們搬到美國；為了妳，我們搬到加州；為了妳，我們搬到柏克萊。我們一切的犧牲與所為，都是為了妳；為了妳成功，得第一名，作最優秀的，我們多愛妳啊！」

她聳聳肩說：「這是盡孝，竟然被扭曲成這樣，一點都沒有給我帶來快樂。我總有一種負罪感，好像脖子上掛了一個鐵錨。」

我問另一位史坦佛大學的男生：「為什麼你覺得空虛？」他說他擁有了一切又甚麼都沒有擁有。「我的生活全是在追求成功。我與大多數孩子都不知如何做人。我們只知道如何競爭向上，而不知如何與朋友他人正常文明地相處。我們沒有自知之明。批評歹徒容易，可我許多同伴的處事態度比歹徒還硬。我們根本不講友情，沒有大公無私精神。我們要的就是競爭，像冷血兇手一樣向上爬，不惜將任何人踩在腳底下。可笑的是，我們是將自己踩在腳底下，還欲罷不能。我或許會將這種心態傳給我的下一代，但我知道自己已被它陷住了。」以上是這位史丹佛大學男生講的話——一字沒改。

待續

For example, the murder rate among 14-17 year-olds increased 165% in the last ten years. Every day 135,000 children take guns to school in this country. 70% of the 12-13 year-olds know someone their own age who: drinks, 44%; does drugs, 33%; has a gun, 29%; has been to jail, 27%; who has a child or is pregnant, 20%; who has been sexually abused, 12%. Those are the statistics of 12-13 year-old children in this coun­try some of whose peers fall in those categories.

Since 1950, the number of American children living in mother-only families has quadrupled, from five million to nearly twenty million. Since 1970, the number of single parents has tripled, from about four million to twelve million. About 26% of households with children under 18 now have only a mother at home, and another 4% have only a father. The percentage of first births to American teenagers— teenagers who have their first child—that occur out of wed－lock has increased over 30 years from 33% to 81%. The percentage of teenage first-time mothers in America nearly equals that percentage in Jordan, the Philippines, and Thailand com­bined. One out of every six children in America is a stepchild. One out of every eleven adults is divorced, three times that proportion in 1970.

In the 1970's I did, in fact, work with this population. I worked with children and families at risk. These were children who were adrift and in trouble with the police and the courts; they were involved in drugs, gangs, violence, and truancy; they had been sexually abused, and they were sexually abus­ing. These were products of neglect and underparenting. In the 1970's, I worked in the Central Valley of California with ex­actly this population. Now I read the statistics to find that most of these have tripled or quadrupled since the 1970's, so I can't imagine what it would be like now.

But now, I work at the other end of the spectrum with young people surrounded by privilege, prestige, a material and a social cornucopia. They wear the best clothes, attend the best schools, and live in the best communities. These are the honored and the elite. They are products of excess and overparenting. It is the trouble these youths face that I would like to call attention to today.

I have to say that I feel somewhat uncomfortable speaking for this age group, because obviously I am of a different generation. However, since they themselves often find it hard to put their words—their pain—forward, and I think that is part of the problem, I will try to express what I have gleaned from teaching and talking with them. If I am inaccurate in my assessment, I hope they will correct me.

I work every day in the Bay Area with young people, quite a few of whom are Asian-Americans who are what I call "burning out." They are desperately struggling to maintain their health and sanity under inordinate pressure, stress, and insecurity. I will give you some examples, using pseudonyms, rather than actual names.

The first example is "M". This is a factual account. "M" is nineteen years old. She graduated at the top of her class, all advanced placement courses. She was a Science Olympics winner. She entered the University of California, Berkeley, with almost half of her college credits already behind her, having taken them in high school. She is, as she calls herself, an over-achiever. She is driven, desperate for approval, and yet never content, no matter how much approval she obtains. She has been undertaking a double major, and is now considering undertaking a triple major. A triple major takes five to six years of undergraduate work to complete. She is considering doing this not in order to gain more knowledge and become a more well-rounded, Renaissance-type person, but rather, to insure that she will have first-choice access to fame and prosperity.

She sees eating and sleeping as a hindrance to her multitasking, non-stop pace that she maintains. She told me, "If I could do without food and sleep only two hours a night, just think how much I could accomplish!" As a result of not knowing when to stop, her health has declined, and she is now suffering from repetitive stress syndrome, sometimes called appendinitus, carpal tunnel syndrome. This ailment is no longer limited to her wrists and arms, but ex­tends throughout her whole body. This student sometimes gets to the point that she is unable to walk. As she makes her way across campus to get on with her triple major, she often experiences such extreme pain shooting down her legs that she is forced to stop and kneel on the spot.

She attempted a quick cure, by going to Student Health Services and obtaining prescription drugs. Of course, none of these drugs could provide a real cure. She was told that, in fact, the only way for her to get well would be to change her lifestyle. This was impossible for her to accept and sent her into a state of despair, because to change her lifestyle would challenge the very basis of her reason for being. It was scary. But even more scary to her than that was the fear that she would disappoint her parents and lose their love and approval, which were conditioned upon her continuing to perform and to excel.

I asked her what motivated her. Everything in her life, down to her major (science, math, engineering, and computer-technology, which was responsible for producing her carpal tunnel condition), her friends, roommates, housing, and vacations were all chosen, directly or indirectly, by her very caring and supportive parents. She has no will or life of her own. She is successful without joy, accomplished without satisfaction, externally loaded with honors and externally hollow and anxious. She lives under unbearable pressure.

When I asked her, "Couldn't you just say to your parents, 'Mom, Dad, I would like to take a break from school in order to get my health back. I might even want to change my major and study religion, philosophy, or the humanities. Maybe I would like to go to a less competitive school, perhaps a small school in the Midwest.'"

She told me, "As soon as I hinted at this, my parents said with a smile, 'We moved to the United States for you; we moved to California for you; we moved to Berkeley for you; we have sacrificed and done everything for you—for you to be successful, Number One, the best! We love you so much!'"

Then she shrugged and said, "So this is 'filial devotion'. It is so twisted. Instead of making me feel wholesome and happy, I constantly carry around a feeling of guilt, like a heavy anchor hanging from my neck."

I asked another undergraduate, a young, male Stanford student, "Why do you feel so hollow? You have everything!" His answer: "I have everything, and yet nothing. Although I study hard and achieve, I have lost the human way of life. My whole life is squeezed and pressured to focus on success. I and most other kids like me don't really know how to be a person. We only know how to compete and to climb, but not how to behave civilly, or even normally, with our friends and others. We don't even know ourselves. It's easy to criticize gangsters, but the attitude of most of my peers is even harder than a gangster's. We care little for real friendship and public spirit. We are groomed to compete, to be cut­throat, and to claw our way to the top, no matter who we step on to get there. The funny part is, we are stepping on ourselves and can't stop. I know it. I know I will probably pass this along to my own kids, but I feel trapped in it." Those were the exact words of an undergraduate Stanford student whom I talked with.

To be continued