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不久，我們就很明白，上人無疑能對我們過去、現在、未來的一切——那怕是最微小的念頭，都瞭若指掌。他很少走出廟後頭那間小屋，可外面的事他沒有不知道的，講法時他就會揭示出來。他的開示極透徹，一針見血點到問題的癥結；而這些問題，又總是我們自己製造出來的。有時他也會責備人。有一次他說：「我不是罵你；我是罵跟著你的鬼。」可多數情況下，他會仔細講解執著、煩惱、計度心念，告訴我們如何來對治。
學佛的第一年，我在三藩市專為老年人辦的一間猶太之家作兼職看護。在那我看到各種苦痛、疾病、死亡，讓我強烈地感受到以自我為中心是多麼地虛幻。我看得很清楚，雖然我們西方人很懂得怎麼活，可對該如何準備像樣地離開這世界卻一無所知。直到臨終最後一刻，我們還拼命抓住成千上萬虛假的價值觀不放。我發現佛教卻能夠幫助我為生死的重大轉變做準備。在家學佛一年之後，我剃頭作了沙彌；又經一年，在1972年，我受了具足戒成為比丘。
生活在廟裡，我經歷了許多變化。我開始夜不倒單，日中一食。很奇怪，這些苦行並非想像中的那麼難；隨著時間的流逝，越來越自然。我想這就是禪宗講的：「苦盡甘來」的原因罷！有些人的修行比我刻苦多了。有人只吃生菜，持銀錢戒，修其他苦行，但我們都研究佛經。每天花許多時間坐禪、做日常工作。1970年末，我們搬到 Mission（米慎）區的一所磚蓋的床墊舊工廠。我們修整成現在的金山寺。現在出家已經三年，捨棄了家庭、職業、昔日的前途，我將要離開師父、寺廟，來追求不可能的目標，我要進行奇特的朝拜。在金門大橋前的一個小公園裡坐著，感受到寧靜之中的恐怖，我不明白當初為什麼要這樣幹。我拿起包裏，拖著疲憊的身子回到廟裡。
我又悄悄回到日常生活中來，沒有人注意到我曾離開過。對廟上生活，我是想提起勁來，可我的心不在那兒。我不斷地回憶那一天的朝拜，雖然有許多妄想和疑惑，我確確實實前進了五哩！那次經驗中有些東西無法形容，但我覺得它觸及到了我心靈的深處。不久，我就決定再試一次。
這一次我要做得聰明一點，不要那麼神秘。我告訴上人我的想法，請問他的看法，要求他的幫助。上人先表示有興趣，接著又感到高興，又鼓勵我。我感到身上有基督徒所說的「聖靈」在奔流。上人說學法最好的方法就是從事難行之事：「行人難行，忍人難忍，如此而已。」他建議我等兩個星期，到10月16日再開始。
在一天傍晚講法時上人宣佈了我的想法，屋裡一陣寂靜。當他說：「恆具為了和平，要拜一千哩」時，我感覺很欣慰。他說話那樣有權威，好像在保證我的成功一樣。從那以後我進入了極好的精神狀況，周圍的人似乎也為此高興。我得到各種鼓勵、食品、帳篷器具等等。比丘恆由，俗名 David Bernstein，（美國）羅得島州人，願意和我同行。
這部日記就是我們為了世界和平而拜時每日思想行動的記錄。將恆由在全程中仔細保管的原始記錄重寫、潤飾的結果。其中的一切都是眞實的，沒有一個名字改動過。只是對前景的展望，在行程終結之後與在行程當中有所不同。
我和恆由都願將此行的一切功德迴向給宇宙所有眾生，願他們速證無上圓滿正覺。
待續
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It soon became obvious that the Master somehow had access to all of our petty little thoughts: past, present, and future. He rarely left his little room in the back of the temple, yet he always knew what was going on, and it all came out in the lectures. His manner of speaking was very penetrating, cutting through the crap and getting down to the problems that we constantly seemed to create for ourselves. Sometimes there would be scoldings. "I'm not scolding you; I'm scolding your ghosts," he once said. But most of the time was spent carefully explaining the ailments of the grasping, calculating mind, and showing us how to cure ourselves.
During my first year of studying Buddhism, I worked part time as an orderly at the Jewish Home for the Aged in San Francisco. Seeing all the suffering, sickness and death there gave me a very strong impression of the vanity of self-centered existence. I saw very clearly that, although we people of the West have a great flair for life, we have no idea how to prepare for a dignified exit from this world. We have a thousand false values ingrained in us which we cling to desperately right up to the last minute. Buddhism, I found, could help prepare us for this important transition. After a year as a Buddhist layperson, I shaved my head and became a novice monk. A year later, in 1972, I became a fully ordained Bhikshu, a Buddhist monk.
Living in the monastery, I went through a lot of changes. I began sleeping sitting up and eating only once a day. I was surprised to find that these "ascetic" practices were not as difficult as they seemed, and as time progressed they became more natural. I think that is why in the Chan School there is a saying: "Bitter practice, sweet mind." There were others in the monastery who cultivated much harder than I, some eating only raw vegetables, some not touching money, some following other difficult practices; but we all studied the Sutras--the sayings of the Buddha--and there was plenty of time devoted to meditation and the work of daily life. In late 1970, we moved to an old brick mattress-factory in the Mission district, which we converted into what is now Gold Mountain Monastery.
And now, after three years in the monastery-having already left my family, my jobs, and my old future—I'd left the monastery and my teacher as well, to make some strange bowing pilgrimage in quest of some impossible goal. Sitting there in a state of quiet terror in the little park by the Golden Gate Bridge, I couldn't imagine why I had even started out in the first place. I picked up my bag and dragged my weary bones back to the monastery.
I slipped right back into my regular routine. No one had even noticed that I'd been gone. I tried to work up an interest in the activities at the temple, but my heart just wasn't in it. I kept thinking about that one day of bowing. Despite all my false thinking and doubts, I had still gone a very real five miles! And there was something about that experience that was impossible to describe, but which felt like it was reaching to the core. It didn't take long before I decided to take another crack at it.
This time, however, I decided to be a little wiser and a little less mysterious. I revealed my intentions to the Master, and requested his opinion and help. The Master was at first interested, and then delighted with the idea. He gave me encouragement, and I could feel myself begin to overflow with what in Christianity is called the "Holy Spirit." The Master said that the best way to understand the Dharma is to undertake difficult practices. "To do what no one else can do, to be patient when no one can be patient, this is what it's all about!" He recommended that I wait two weeks and start on October 16. Then one evening at the Dharma-lecture, he announced my intentions, and an awesome hush fell over the place. When he said, "Heng Ju is going to bow a thousand miles for the cause of peace," I really felt wonderful. He said it with such authority that it seemed like he was guaranteeing it to be a success. From that point onward, I entered into a very fine state of mind and everyone else seemed to be delighted with the idea, too. I received all kinds of encouragement; offers of food, clothing, camping equipment, etc. And Bhikshu Heng Yo, alias David Bernstein of Providence, Rhode Island, offered to come along to act as a protector.
This journal is a record of our daily thoughts and actions while involved in bowing for world peace. It has been polished up and rewritten from the original log that Heng Yo so meticulously kept during the entire trip. All of the events were real, and none of the names have been changed. Only the perspective has changed as we look back on the trip from the point of completion.
Speaking for both myself and Heng Yo, we would like to transfer any merit we may have acquired from this journey to living beings throughout the universe, hoping that they may quickly obtain the absolute, perfect enlightenment.
To be continued
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