Before his death, Confucius said to his disciple Zeng Seng, "After I die, Zi Xia will keep making progress, but Zi Gong will keep regressing." Zeng Seng thought this strange and asked, "Why will that be?" Confucius replied, "Zi Xia likes to be around people who are better than he is, while Zi Gong likes to be surrounded by people who are not as good as he is so that he can always express his own opinions. I have heard it said that one can understand a person by observing his parents and friends; one can understand a ruler by observing the people he appoints, one can evaluate a piece of land by seeing what vegetation grows on it. Therefore it is said, "Associating with virtuous people is like entering a greenhouse full of orchids and getting used to the fragrance until you no longer notice it. Being around unwholesome people is like going into a fish market and getting used to the stench so that you don't notice it." Imperceptibly, we are influenced by our surroundings until we no longer notice them. Objects that are placed in red dye become red; things dipped in black paint turn black. Therefore, a superior person is careful in choosing the people with whom he associates." Confucius'meaning is not only that we should be careful about our associations, but also we attract people of like character to be our friends. There's another saying, "Dragons like to be with dragons, phoenixes prefer the company of phoenixes, and the sons of mice know how to make holes." That's the meaning here.

During the Three Kingdoms Period, the military strategist Zhuge Liang wrote a profoundly inspiring memorial to the emperor before he departed on a military expedition; this is a text of undeniable importance in Chinese history and literature. This memorial was completed seven years before Zhuge Liang died of illness while serving the military. After the death of Emperor Liu Bei, Zhuge Liang continued to support his son, Emperor Liu Chan. In five years the government was stabilized, and Zhuge Liang felt he could now personally lead the army on an expedition. However, right before his departure, he was still worried about Emperor Liu Chan and wrote this memorial. The text basically urged the emperor, "Do not take yourself lightly and recklessly say things that will make others lose faith in you, which will discourage their faithful exhortations." The memorial mentions the following case from the Book of History to caution the emperor: The Former Han Dynasty flourished because the rulers "associated with worthy officials and stayed away from petty individuals." The Later Han Dynasty declined because the rulers "associated with petty people and stayed away from worthy officials." At the end of the memorial, Zhuge Liang again exhorted the emperor, "You should reflect well, so that you will be able to seek wholesome principles and to determine and accept good advice." The meaning is the same as the line, "Do not take yourself lightly and recklessly say things that will make others lose faith in you, which will discourage their faithful exhortations." Zhuge Liang hoped the emperor would not casually speak in an unprincipled way that would make others afraid to exhort him, but would instead reflect carefully in order to seek out good principles and look into and accept the ex- hortations of loyal officials. Then he would win the support of worthy people and bring glory to his ancestors' legacy. Zhuge Liang's advice was earnest and came from his heart. Regretfully, the emperor was still the "Adou who could not get up on his own feet." (Adou was his nickname). After Zhuge Liang's death, the emperor forgot his advice and surrounded himself with flattering courtiers, with the result that the dynasty ended.

Most people say that they wish to hear the truth, but that isn't really the case. The truth is usually very plain and ordinary, or perhaps not very pleasant to hear. When the truth takes the form of pointing out their faults, people find it unbearable. That's how flattery developed! People love to hear flattery and take it to be the truth, while they are enraged to hear earnest remonstrance and regard it as malicious slander. So it is said, "People gather with their own kind." People who like to hear praise attract hypocritical friends who butter up to them, flatter them, and put them on a pedestal with their smooth lies. These are harmful friends. Associating with harmful friends can only be detrimental to one's character, morality, learning, and even materially to one's wealth and career. Conversely, one who is able to accept exhortations will attract beneficial friends. What are the criteria for a beneficial friend? A beneficial friend is "a friend who is straightforward, forgiving, and erudite." That is, he is a good mentor who is straightforward and reliable in his dealings, and who is able to exhort others to change their faults. A good mentor is not that easy to come by. If you do not first discipline yourself and have self-respect, how can you expect to have a good mentor who will constantly be around and with whom you can have heart-to-heart talks? If such a good mentor is always present, you will not only become straightforward and trustworthy yourself, but will also advance in your moral virtue, your knowledge, and your career as well. That would truly be a case of "gathering together with people of superior virtue" [Amitabha Sutra]. How happy and wonderful that would be!