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要與人維持良好的關係，不但內在要誠信，外在也要有技巧。外在要有怎樣的技巧呢？這可從講話的語氣、聲調和講話的態度兩方面來講。本章頭兩句是說：無論說什麼話，都要「重且舒」。這是說講話的態度，要莊重而和緩；但是也可以把它解釋成，語氣要有重音，聲調也要悠長。接下來的兩句，講話不要匆促急忙，也正是呼應前面所說的，講話的態度要莊重而和緩；講話不要含糊籠統，也正是說講話的語氣要有重音，聲調也要悠長。
從一個人講話的態度，固然可以馬上看出他的教養；從他講話的語氣、聲調，更可以馬上看出這個人的心情是好、是壞？抑或是緊張、是輕鬆？而善於相人的，聽他的聲音，還可以判斷出這個人的性情與命運。
中國春秋時代，楚國的令尹（相當於宰相的官職）公子子文是個出名的賢人。當他的弟弟司馬（大將軍，相當於國防部長）子良得了個兒子越椒，令尹子文就去看這新生兒，未到屋內，聽見嬰兒的哭聲，他不由皺起了眉頭，等看過了嬰兒，令尹子文就對司馬子良說：「這孩子不可以把他養大！他生成一副熊虎的樣子，聲音又像豺狼嚎叫，這是心性殘忍的大凶之人；你如果把他養大了，他將會導至我們若敖氏這一家族覆滅。俗話說：『狼子野心。』這是一匹會吃人的狼啊！怎麼可以養他呢？」子良不同意這麼做，子文就起了很大的憂慮。到他老了快死的時候，他召集了族人來，說：「如果越椒當權主政時，你們一定要趕快搬離，以免惹上災禍。」一面忍不住哭了起來：「我們若敖氏的祖先恐怕要沒有子孫奉祀了哇！」子文死後，兒子鬥般繼任令尹，後來越椒也繼父位做了司馬，越椒就謀同他的部屬伯贏殺掉鬥般，自立為令尹，並封伯贏做司馬；不久越椒又忌諱伯贏的勢力，索性發動若敖家族的兵力，圍殺伯贏，更一不做二不休地攻打起楚王。楚王要求講和，願意用三個王子做人質，可是越椒並沒答應，楚王只好和若敖家開戰。越椒仗著藝高人膽大，兩次發箭射楚王，竟然都沒射中，軍隊就有了怯意。楚王利用這機會，鼓舞自己的部隊說：「先王當年征服息國時，獲得三支神箭，被越椒偷去兩支，現在他已經沒有了，我們可以反攻了！」一時士氣大振，於是滅掉了若敖氏一家。幸好當時子文有個孫子正好奉派出使齊國，在回程中聽見亂事，就不顧他人好意的勸阻，仍然回國交差，並且自己綁了自己，到司敗（大法官，相當於司法部長）那兒待罪。楚王想到子文治理楚國的功勞，便說：「假若讓子文這樣的賢人就此絕了後代，如何能鼓勵人向善呢？」於是乎赦免他的罪，又恢復他的官職，若敖一家才沒有完全絕種。
西漢末年，有個篡漢自立為帝的王莽。在王莽還未竊國之前，他總是裝得很謙恭文雅，因此瞞過很多人。有一回，一個走江湖賣藝的人應召入宮表演；有人就問他王莽的相貌好不好？這走江湖的人就品論說：「他是個鴟梟眼、老虎嘴，又豺狼聲的人，所以不但會吃人，最後也終將被人所殺！」果然王莽在弒帝篡漢之後，終於又敗亡，由光武帝中興了漢朝，是為東漢。
從這兩個例子來看，人的聲音，真的就是性情的反射。但是天生的性情，是可以用後天的教化和陶冶來改變的；只要性情改變，聲音也自然隨之而變，以後的命運也就不同了！所以從講話的態度和聲調來約束、訓練孩子，實是個不容忽視的造命之學，不要認為那沒什麼關係。
美國華盛頓總統年輕時抄錄的〈國民應對手則〉中，還有一條說：「不要好奇地探聽他人的事，也不要接近在私下交談的人。」這意思就是教人不要好管閒事，不要做「包打聽」，以免惹出更多的是非，甚至招來殺身之禍。別人的閒話尚且不應當聽，更甭提說人閒話了！〈國民應對手則〉中又說：「不要背後說人閒話，因為這是不公正的。」不知真相究竟，就說東說西，豈止是對當事者不公正而已，對自己的人格更是一大傷害！孔子當年遊周，看見太廟前有金人（銅像），金人的口被繩索繞了三圈封起來，後面又刻著：「這是古代言語謹慎的人。」不由讚歎不已；從此「三緘其口」，就成了慎言的成語了。所以明智的人總是惜話如金，這是很有道理的。
編按：本期本文與上期互換。編者不查之誤，特向讀者致歉。 |
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If you want to maintain good relations with people, not only do you have to be sincere, you also have to be tactful. What does tact consist of? We can discuss it in terms of the tone of voice and the attitude of speaking. The first verse says that no matter what you are saying, you should speak with a dignified manner and at a leisurely pace. That is, your manner when speaking should be earnest and genial. Another explanation is that you should use correct emphasis and pronounce clearly. The next verse says that you should not rush through your sentences, which corresponds to being earnest and genial. Nor should you mumble or garble your words, which corresponds to speaking with correct emphasis and pronouncing clearly.
From the way a person speaks, one can immediately determine the way he was brought up. From his tone of voice, one can detect whether he is in a good mood or a bad one, and whether he is tense or relaxed. Those skilled in physiognomy can also read a person's disposition and fate from hearing his voice.
During the Spring and Autumn Period in China, Gong Ziwen, the prime minister of the State of Chu, was renowned for his virtue. When his brother, General Ziliang, had his son Yuejiao, Minister Ziwen went to visit the newborn baby. Before entering the room, he heard the baby cry, raised his brows, and after seeing the baby, said to General Ziliang, "You must not raise this boy. He has the looks of a bear or tiger, and his voice sounds like a jackal's howl. He is cruel and vicious. If you raise him, he will bring disgrace to our Ruojiao clan. He has the wild, ambitious heart of a wolf. He's a man-eating wolf. How can you raise him?" When Ziliang did not agree with him, Ziwen became very worried. When he was old and near death, he summoned his kinsmen and told them, "If Yuejiao ever comes to power, you must quickly move away to avoid calamity." He couldn't help but weep as he said, "The ancestors of Ruojiao may not have any descendants left to worship them!" After Ziwen died, his son Douban inherited his position as minister. Later when Yuejiao inherited his father's position as general, he plotted with his subordinate, Baiying, to murder Douban and usurp the minister's position for himself, making Baiying the general.
Shortly afterwards Yuejiao became envious of Baiying's power, so he dispatched the Ruojiao clan's troops to ambush and kill him. Then he went on and attacked the King of Chu. The King of Chu wanted to reach a settlement and offered three of his princes as hostage, but Yuejiao did not agree, so he had no choice but to go to battle with the troops of Ruojiao. Although Yuejiao was bold and skilled in archery, when both of the arrows he shot at the King of Chu missed their target, his troops lost confidence. The King of Chu took advantage of their hesitation and urged his own troops on, saying, "When our ancestral king conquered the country, he obtained three divine arrows. Yuejiao stole two of them, but now he's lost them and we can counter-attack." In a burst of bravado, they annihilated the Ruojiao clan. It just so happened that one of Ziwen's grandsons had been away in the State of Qi on a diplomatic mission. On his way home he heard about the fighting, and not caring whether the victors were friendly or not, he returned home to report on his mission, then tied himself up and went to the head judge to receive his punishment. The King of Chu, thinking of Ziwen's merit in governing the State of Chu, said, "If a person as worthy as Ziwen had no descendants left, how could later generations be inspired to goodness?" Thereupon the King granted him amnesty and allowed him to retain his position. In that way, the Ruojiao clan was not completely wiped out.
At the end of the Western Han dynasty, Wang Mang usurped the throne and made himself King. Before he became a traitor, he had always put on a pretense of humility and refinement, and he fooled many people. Once, a street hawker was invited into palace to perform. Someone asked him, "What do you think of Wang Mang's physiognomy?" The hawker considered for awhile and then thought, "He has the eyes of a horned owl, the mouth of a tiger, and the voice of a jackal. Not only will he eat men, he will be murdered in the end!" As it turned out, after Wang Mang killed the Han Emperor and usurped the throne, he was eventually defeated by Emperor Wu, who established what became the Eastern Han Dynasty.
These two examples show that a person's voice is a true reflection of his disposition. However, one's inborn disposition may be altered by education and training. One's voice will naturally change along with one's disposition, and one's fate will also be different! Therefore, we must not overlook the method of changing fate through training children in their manner of speech and tone of voice and think that it is not important.
When U.S. President George Washington was a youth, one of the rules he copied from "Rules of Civility in Conversation Amongst Men" was, "Don't listen to other people's affairs out of curiosity; don't approach people who are engaged in private conversation." In other words, don't mind other people's business. Don't be an eavesdropper, or you might stir up more gossip and even put your life in danger. You shouldn't listen to gossip, much less utter it. The "Rules of Civility in Conversation Amongst Men" also says, "Don't gossip about others behind their backs, because that's unfair." If you don't know the truth of the matter and you speak recklessly, not only are you being unfair to those involved, you are also degrading yourself.
In his travels, Confucius once came upon a bronze statue in front of a temple. The statue's mouth had been gagged three times around with rope, and on its back were carved these words:
"This is a man from ancient times who was cautious in speech." Confucius praised this sight endlessly, and from that incident came the expression, "to be gagged thrice," meaning to be scrupulous in speech. Wise people guard their words like gold, which is a very sensible way to act.
Editor's Note: The text of this issue should be switched with last issue's. The editor apologizes for the mistake.
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