壹、誰有問題？
在特殊教育上有一句名言：「沒有教不會的學生，只有還不太會教的老師，和不太合適的教材。」這句話不但適用於課程的學習，也適用於品行的督導。可以這樣引申：「沒有教不好的學生，只有還不太會輔導的老師，和不太合適的規矩。」因此，如果有所謂的「問題學生」產生，不是學生有問題，是老師有問題；而這問題，不是學生學錯了，是老師教壞了！
貳、什麼問題？
有一位曾從事多年幼稚教育的家長，因為學校有某位老師，把她的女兒列入「問題學生」的黑名單內；她不明白這個一向為師長疼愛的孩子，才換個學校，就出了什麼問題？我告訴她：昨天就有另一位家長，也憂心忡忡地問我：「我的孩子真的有問題嗎？」我告訴那位家長：「如果我說你的孩子沒問題，那是自欺欺人；如果我說你的孩子有問題，那是小題大作。這種十來歲的孩子，如果毫無問題，那才真是有問題了！」那位家長就如釋重負地離去了。聽我這麼說，這位曾從事多年幼稚教育的家長也不禁笑起來，臉上的陰霾一掃而空：「你真不愧是懂得心理學的老師呀！這樣我對學校就比較有信心了！」我舉這樣一個例子，不在自我標榜，只希望做父母、老師的，能認清一項事實：沒有一個孩子是「問題學生」，也沒有一個孩子是毫無問題的學生。只不過每個孩子的問題大小不同，大人們斷不能以不同的世俗標準和個人尺寸，把孩子妄加區分，貼上各種標籤，然後給予差別待遇。假如大人們漠視所謂「好學生」潛藏的心理問題，總有一天，心理問題就會導致病態的生理問題，而演變成古怪的行為問題。又或大人們過份誇張所謂「問題學生」明顯的行為問題，總有一天，行為問題就會演變成變態的心理問題，而暴發駭人的生理問題。總之，「問題學生」會愈來愈多，問題會愈來愈層出不窮，終至不可收拾。因此，可以這麼說：真正的問題是「老師不能適當的處理學生問題」。
在臺灣，我甫出校門教書的第二年，因為不滿訓導處的訓育組長對兩位「問題學生」的處置，年少氣盛的我，幾乎演出「大鬧公堂」的好戲，毅然把學生自訓導處帶回自己管教。雖然我曾那麼不留情地指責訓導主任，但他卻不失是個有心人；不久之後，他要求我做訓導處的顧問，爾後，我開始了輔導「問題學生」的工作，直到我辭職來美國，為期有一年半。我輔導的學生，男女都有，而以男學生為多。其問題，從有自殺傾向、自虐或虐待狂，到強暴、殺人未遂等等，不一而足；至於吵架、打架，那可就算是「小案件」了！甚至在晚上或假日，我還得隨時準備出動，以緝拿逃家份子，或解除打群架的危機。當時我自己才是個二十三、四歲的大孩子，雖說是「科班出身」的中文教師，修過一些心理學、教育學的學分，卻不是心理學家，或特殊教育的專家，更非偵探、刑警之流；我又憑仗著什麼，竟敢去處理這些棘手的問題呢？我從不認為自己有什麼能力，只不過憑著一個「虎膽」，加上一顆願意觀察和體諒的心罷了！
參、如何解決問題？以下是三劑我常服的藥方，得依序服之。
第一劑藥，做他朋友，表示關懷。俗語說：「有愛的孩子不會變壞。」只不過這個愛，絕非不明事理的溺愛。想度化人，最容易的莫過於和他混同，所謂「和光同塵」；這樣他就願意把事情告訴你，甚至願意聽你的意見。我深信一個原則：在未得人心之前，無法教化人。所以，得到他的信任，是第一要緊的工作。切莫急於說教或指示，否則他馬上和你對立起來；那時你縱有滿腹學識和無礙辯才，他就算沒惱羞成怒地掀桌翻椅、唱反調，最少也會口服心不服、陽奉陰違。
第二劑藥，聽他說話，加以諒解。你若得到他的信任，你就必須幫他化解鬱怒了。人的不滿和怨恨之氣，鬱積一久，勢必會爆炸，那時可就比氫彈、原子彈都可怕；聽他說，可以讓他得到發洩和抒解。不要怕孩子抱怨！不管哪一類的孩子，只要他還會抱怨，他就還有藥可救。「哀莫大於心死」，對抵死不言和渾然無所謂的孩子，一定要想法子讓他說，就是抱怨咒罵也是好的；只要他肯說，你就可以發現問題的癥結所在。
第三劑藥，對他說話，因勢利導。當你發現問題的癥結所在之後，就要對症下藥了。教化孩子，你必須讓他明白兩點：一、人人智慧本具，只要他平下心、靜下氣，他自己就可以想到解決的辦法了。二、你雖然是他的朋友，但你也是他的導師，在他仍然迷惘時，他隨時可以從你這兒得到啟示。前一點，你必須耳提面命，時時提醒他；後一點，你卻切忌自吹自擂，要用你的權威感，折攝其於無形。
肆、怎樣才能建立權威感？我亦有三味日用的藥引子，願意公諸同好，互相切磋。
第一味藥，要儲備豐富而正確的知識，但不畏承認不足或錯失。所謂權威者，絕非故示高深、不懂佯懂，或是以長輩身份，硬要他人認同你「那個時代」的價值觀的。你必須努力而謙虛地求取新知，才能瞭解這個時代，不會與孩子產生隔閡。
第二味藥，培養真誠客觀的態度，但措辭須直捷貼切。多用正面的、有鼓勵性的言語，避免冷諷熱嘲或拋白眼。態度可以或柔和、或嚴厲，但都要出自真誠，不須賣弄辭藻。此外，使用不確實的資料或含糊籠統的語言來評估孩子，更是一種不負責任的態度。孩子是很敏感的，你是否真正關心他，或只是巧言令色，久了他就會知道的。一個立場平穩、說話客觀的人，才真正能贏得他人信賴。
第三味藥，規矩要簡明，但執法須公正。繁文縟節和嚴刑峻法一樣，人人討厭；那麼為何要以自己也厭惡的，去教人屈從呢？給學生的規矩一定要明白，不可含混；處理的方法，可以隨宜變通，但立場必須堅定，原則不可隨便移易。所以立法之前，一定要深思熟慮，顧及任何可能的個別狀況和偶發事件；決定之後，則要言出如山，維護整體性和長遠性。若是常常信口說硬話，到了狀況發生，硬不起來時，又朝令夕改，或乾脆撤手不管，都足以令你威信掃地；這絕不是為人父母師長的正確態度。
最後，還有一味每一帖藥中都不可或缺的甘草，就是「耐心」和「恆心」。缺乏耐心和恆心，以上所說的，便成了「紙上談兵」，沒有什麼作用。不要期望孩子會在一夜之間變好！有問題的孩子，大都是意志薄弱的，他一定會一犯再犯；千萬不要自我陶醉於你對他的堂皇言教中，否則你馬上要失望或生氣了。想想：他要是能「不貳過」，已足以為你我之師了，還會被列入「問題學生」名單嗎？
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Who Has the Problems?
There is a well-known saying in special education: "There are no students who cannot be taught, but only teachers who are not quite proficient at teaching, and teaching materials that are not quite appropriate." This saying not only applies to classroom learning, but can also be modified to apply to moral discipline: "There are no students who cannot be taught, but only teachers who are not quite proficient at counseling, and rules that are not quite appropriate." Therefore, if there are so-called "problem students," it's not that the students have problems, but rather that the teachers do. And the problem is not that the students are learning wrongly, but that the teachers are teaching badly.
II. What Are the Problems?
One parent, who had worked in the field of kindergarten education for many years, couldn't understand why her child had been blacklisted as a "problem student" by a certain teacher. How could her child, who had always been the teacher's pet, suddenly have problems after switching to a new school? I told her that yesterday there was another parent who asked me worriedly, "Does my child really have problems?" I told her, "If I said your child had no problems, I'd be lying to myself and others; if I said your child has problems, I'd be making a big deal out of a small matter. If a child in her teens had no problems, then it'd really be a problem!" The parent left feeling much relieved. Hearing me, the parent who had worked in kindergarten education for many years couldn't help smiling. The frown on her face disappeared. "You are truly a teacher who understands psychology. This makes me feel much more confidence in the school." My purpose in telling this story is not to show off. Rather, I am hoping that parents and teachers will recognize one fact: No child is a "problem student," and no child is completely without problems. It is just that some children have bigger problems and others have smaller ones. Adults should not use their different worldly standards and personal yardsticks to classify and label children, and then treat them differently. If adults overlook the latent psychological problems of "good students," one day those psychological problems will result in physiological symptoms of sickness and evolve into peculiar behavioral problems. Further, if adults overly exaggerate the obvious behavior problems of "problem students," such behavior problems will eventually evolve into abnormal psychological problems and break out in frightening physical problems. In general, "problem students" will become more and more common, and there will be more and more problems, until the situation is out of control. Therefore, it should be said that: The real problem is that teachers do not how to deal appropriately with students' problems.
Two years after I graduated in Taiwan, I was young and headstrong. I was so dissatisfied with the way the Disciplinarian dealt with two "problem students" that I almost took him to court. I resolutely led the two students out of the Disciplinarian's office and supervised them myself. Even though I had so ruthlessly criticized him, he was nevertheless dedicated to education. Not long afterwards, he asked me to serve as advisor to the Disciplinarian's Office. I started to counsel "problem students," continuing this work for one and a half years until I resigned and came to the United States. The students I counseled included boys and girls, with the boys in the majority. Their problems included suicidal tendencies, masochism, sadism, attempted rape and murder, and so on. In comparison to these, arguments and fights were relatively minor cases. Even at night or on holidays, I was always prepared to go out at any time to catch runaway children or resolve gang disputes. At the time I was only a "big kid" of twenty-three or twenty-four. Although I have been formally trained to be a Chinese teacher and have taken a few courses in psychology and education, I am by no means a psychologist, a specialist in special education, or a detective or police officer. What made me dare to go out to handle these prickly problems? I didn't consider myself to have any special ability; all I had was a lot of guts, plus an observant and sympathetic heart!
III. How Can the Problems Be Resolved?
Below are three prescriptions that I often use and depend on.
The first prescription: Make friends with the student and show your concern. There's a proverb: "Children who are loved will not become bad." However, this does not mean to spoil children. If you want to influence people, the easiest way to do it is to mingle with them, like the saying, "to mingle in the same light and dust." Then they will be willing to tell you things, and will even listen to your opinions. There is one principle I deeply believe in: Before you have gained a person's trust, you cannot teach him. Therefore, winning his trust is the most important first step. Don't be overhasty to preach to or instruct him, for he will immediately oppose you. When that happens, it doesn't matter how much learning or eloquence you possess. Even if he doesn't angrily overturn tables and chairs in his embarrassment, or rebel against you, he will not truly submit in his heart. He may appear to go along, but behind your back he won't.
The second prescription: Listen to him and sympathize with him. If you earn his trust, you must then help him work out the anger inside of him. When discontentment and enmity build up in a person's heart, they will eventually lead to an outburst more frightening than the explosion of an atomic or hydrogen bomb. By listening to him talk, you give him a chance to let out his feelings and alleviate his tension. Don't be afraid if the child complains! No matter what kind of child he is, if he can still complain, then he can still be saved. The saddest thing is when someone gives up. For children who refuse to speak or who are totally apathetic, you absolutely have to get them to talk, even if all they do is complain, swear, or scold. As long as they will talk, you can discover where the root of their problems lie.
The third prescription: In talking to him, guide him according to the situation. When you discover where his problem lies, you have to prescribe the right medicine. In teaching a child, you must make him understand two things: First, everyone is endowed with wisdom; if he can calm his mind down, he will think of a way to solve his problem. Second, you are his friend, but you are also his teacher. When he is still lost, he can come to you for insight and advice at any time. You should remind him constantly of the first point. Regarding the second point, avoid advertising yourself. Simply let him sense your authority and be subdued by it without his realizing it.
IV. How Can You Let People Sense Your Authority?
I have a prescription with three ingredients, which I would like to share with those who are interested, so we may study them together.
The first ingredient: You should be very knowledgeable and your knowledge should be accurate, but you should not be afraid to admit your deficiencies and mistakes. Authority should not be based upon making a show of being lofty and profound, pretending to understand what you don't understand, or insisting that others acknowledge the values of your own time because of your senior status. You must diligently and humbly seek to learn new things, so that you can understand the present age and not let the generation gap separate you from children.
The second ingredient: Develop a sincere and objective attitude, but be straightforward and to the point in your speech. Use positive and encouraging words. Avoid being sarcastic or acting disgusted. You can be gentle at times, and stern at others, but always be sincere. Don't try to show off by being smart. Using incorrect information or vague generalizations to evaluate children shows an irresponsible attitude. Children are very sensitive and will eventually be able to tell whether you are sincerely concerned or are just saying nice things to please them. Their trust can only be won by someone with a firm standpoint who speaks objectively.
The third ingredient: Rules should be simple and clear, and should be applied in a fair manner. Overly complicated and detailed wording, just like extremely strict rules, are something that everyone abhors. Why should you expect others to follow something that yourself dislike? You should give students rules that are clear and easy to understand, not ambiguous. In applying the rules, you should be expedient and flexible, but also keep a firm stance; the principles cannot be changed casually. That's why before you make a rule, you should put some deep thought into it. Take into consideration all the individual situations as well as unexpected cases. After making the rule, you should keep your word firmly, making the rule generally applicable and long-lasting. If you often talk tough, but cannot be tough when the situation comes up, or if you keep changing your rules, or if you just give up and decide not to pay any attention to students, you will lose your authority and the trust of the students. This is definitely not a proper attitude for parents or teachers.
Finally, the "licorice root" that no medical prescription should be without is patience and perseverance. If you lack patience and perseverance, then everything that's been said above is simply "making plans on paper," not of much use. Don't expect a child to become good overnight! Children with problems are usually weak-willed; they are certain to repeat their mistakes over and over. Avoid congratulating yourself over an inspiring sermon you give a child, because you will immediately find yourself either disappointed or angry. Think about it: If the child could really "never make the same mistake twice," he'd be qualified to teach us; how could he be classified as a "problem student"?
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