有一首詩說：
「同氣連枝各自榮，些些言語莫傷情；
一回相見一回老，能得幾時為弟兄。」
這意思是兄弟源於同一父母，就像一棵樹的枝幹，雖然各自生長，到底還是同一個根；千萬不要為了幾句話，來互相傷了感情。為什麼呢？因為韶光易逝，一忽兒就各自成家立業，相見也就不容易了；每一回見面，更由不得你不心驚：對方比上一回又見老了！人生才短短幾十年，究竟有多長的時間能做兄弟呢？少小不相親睦，長大見面就吵；到了髮白面皺，難道還有力氣再打架？等到先後離世，難道還把怨恨帶到九泉之下去算？古人說：「同船共渡，要修五百年。」何況是做兄弟姐妹？想想看，這可不是個小因緣啊！世間人倫，肇始於夫婦，然後縱的發展出父子，橫的敷演成兄弟；自此以至於九族，都源本於這三種親屬關係，所以才叫做「至親」，怎麼可以不親厚合睦呢？
中國人把兄弟姐妹叫做「同胞」、「手足」，意思也就是強調這份情誼的貴重和不可分割。做父母的總把孩子們比喻成手指，雖然五指有長有短，卻根根連心，咬了哪一根都一樣痛；雖然孩子有賢愚肖不肖，就像手心手背，終歸是同一隻手。所以孩子們若有貧富貴賤之別，就算發達的那個用錦衣美食來孝養，做父母的還是會惦掛著落魄的那個，難以真正開心；孩子們若再互相殘害，那做父母的就更不會安心了！所以懂得孝道真諦的，一定親厚自己的兄弟姐妹，絕不相爭；甚至在自己發達時，也不忘提拔照顧自己的兄弟姐妹，絕不相忘。
漢末三國，魏王曹操因為寵愛天資聰穎的三子曹植，幾次想讓他取代長子曹丕的世子位置；等曹丕繼承王位，又廢漢稱帝，就無時不刻想害死曹植了。他的母親雖貴為皇太后，卻是每天提心吊膽，不能安枕。後來曹丕把弟弟貶謫遠地，曹植進朝辭行時，曹丕就故意刁難他，限他七步成詩，想藉機殺了他。沒想到曹植竟在走七步路的短時間內，吟成了這首有名的七步詩：
「煮豆燃豆箕，豆在釜中泣；
本是同根生，相煎何太急？」
他說，我好比那熱鍋裏被煮的豆子，而用來生火煮我的，卻是哥哥你這同根生長的豆梗；哥哥啊！你為什麼要這麼迫害我呢？這時一直緊張地躲在後面偷看的太后，忍不住跑出來，抱住曹植哭得死去活來；曹丕也掉下了淚，放曹植遠去了。古人說：「帝王之家無親情。」為了權力地位，甚至父子相殘；兄弟相殺，就更不計其數。但也不是沒有例外的。舜帝所以被稱為大孝，就因為他對屢次要害死自己的父親和繼母，不但是始終盡孝不渝；對做幫兇的後弟，更不究既往，封予爵祿。這就是真正能體會親心的孝子！又唐玄宗還是皇子時，因為他英武而立有大功，他的長兄就把太子位讓給他。唐玄宗即皇位後，就把他做皇子時住的地方加以整修，又蓋了個樓，題為「花萼相輝」；另在四周建造五座宮殿，分賜給他四個親兄弟和一個堂弟，號稱「五王宅」。意思是一登此樓，就可望見五王宅，好像花萼與花一樣相輝映。唐玄宗常和兄弟同遊獵，在玩耍時，彼此只行家人禮，從不擺皇帝架子。任何一兄弟生病，他必寢食不安，殷勤探問；有一次為了替他幼弟煎藥，還不小心燒著了鬍鬚。最為人所津津樂道的是「花萼被」和「花萼床」──他特地打了一床六人長枕和大被，並造了一張六人大床，以便和他的兄弟抵足而眠。所以後來的人，就用「花萼」來比喻兄弟的友愛。
古時候的家庭，孩子幼小時，父母是左手提抱一個，右手牽攜一個的帶著；孩子則是一個抓父母前襟，一個拉父母後裾的跟著。吃飯共一張桌子，衣服也兄弟相傳，有的還同枕共被一床眠；所以縱使孩子有賢愚肖不肖之別，大抵上感情都還親厚；到了各自婚嫁，插入了來自不同家庭背景的新成員，就容易有嫌隙；這時，個人品德的好壞，就很分明地比出來了！大抵而言，小時就著重兄友弟恭的家庭裏，仍是比較經得起考驗的。現在的家庭孩子少了，「個人主義」又方興未艾；莫說獨生的不知孝友為何物，就有一兩個兄弟姐妹的，也都自小各行其是，毫無禮讓、容忍或與人分享的概念。一個家庭可以有三、四種不同的生活方式，美其名曰「自由」、「進步」；殊不知那已是在開倒車，回到沒有法紀和倫理的原始社會了。恢復舊道德，真是刻不容緩呀！ |
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There's a verse that goes,
Born of the same energy, we are connected branches that grow separately.
Why bicker and hurt each other's feelings?
Each time we see each other, we are older.
How much time left do we have as siblings?
Brothers and sisters were born from the same parents. They are like the branches of a tree: Although they grow up separately, they originally come from the same root. We should never bicker and hurt each other's feelings. Why not? Because time flies. Pretty soon we will have our own families and careers, and we'll hardly get a chance to see each other. Every time we meet, we will be shocked to see that the other has gotten older. Human life only lasts a few short decades; how much longer will we have each other as siblings?
If we don't get along when we're still young, then after we grow up we will bicker whenever we meet. But will we still have the strength to fight when we have wrinkles and gray hair? When we die, will we bring our grudges to the underworld? There's an ancient saying: "The affinity of riding in the same boat with someone took five hundred years to develop." How much more time it must take to develop the affinity to be someone's brother or sister? Think about it: these are not minor conditions! All human relationships begin with that of husband and wife; then there is the vertical relationship of parent to child, and the horizontal relationship between siblings. These three basic relationships, which give rise to the nine generations of relatives, are considered one's closest kin. How can we not be affectionate and close to them?
The Chinese refer to brothers and sisters as "those of the same womb" and "hands and feet," emphasizing how important and inseparable our siblings are to us. Parents often compare their children to the fingers of a hand. Although the fingers are of different lengths, they are all connected at the base, and it hurts the same no matter which one is bitten. Children may be wise or foolish, filial or unfilial, but they are just like the palm and the back of the hand, which are part of the same hand. One child may be wealthy and honored, while another is poor and lowly, but even though the wealthy one provides his parents with fine clothing and food, his parents can hardly feel happy in their anxiety over the less fortunate one. And if the children mutually hurt each other, how much the less could the parents be happy. A child who truly understands how to be filial is kind and affectionate to his siblings and would never quarrel with them. If such a child is successful in life, he/she will not forget to help out and take care of his siblings.
During the Three Kingdoms Period (end of Han Dynasty, c. 241-277 A.D.) the King of the state of Wei, Cao Cao, tried several times to let his favorite third son, Cao Zhi, inherit the throne in place of his eldest son, the crown prince Cao Pi. When Cao Pi assumed the throne, he attacked the Han Emperor Cheng and plotted constantly to kill Cao Zhi. Although his mother was the Empress Dowager, she was so nervous about this that she could never sleep in peace. Finally Cao Pi banished his younger brother to a distant land. When Cao Zhi went to court to bid farewell, Cao Pi deliberately challenged him to compose a poem in seven steps; if his brother failed, he would use it as a pretext to execute him. Unexpectedly, in the short time it took to walk seven steps, Cao Zhi chanted this famous "Seven-step Poem":
The beans are being cooked
Over a fire of bean stalks.
From within the pot, the beans cry out:
"We both came from the same root;
Aren't we being too hasty in torturing each other?"
Cao Zhi's meaning was, "I am like some beans being cooked in a pot, and the fuel that is used for the fire to cook me is you, my brother--the bean stalks that grew from the same root. Brother, why do you want to do me in?" At that point, the Empress Dowager, who had been watching secretly, couldn't bear it any longer. She ran out, hugged Cao Zhi, and cried for dear life. Cao Pi shed tears, too, and bid farewell to Cao Zhi.
An ancient saying goes, "There are no bonds of kinship in the imperial family." Countless times the desire for power and position pitted father against son, or led brothers to kill one another. However, there have been exceptions. Emperor Shun became known as a greatly filial son because he remained ever filial to his father and stepmother even though they plotted his death many times. As for his stepbrother who was their accomplice, Shun didn't hold it against him and even bestowed nobility and benefits upon him. This was a filial son who truly understood his parents' hearts.
Another example is Emperor Xuanzong of the Tang Dynasty. Since he had earned great merit in battle as a prince, his eldest brother yielded the position of crown prince to him. After he assumed the throne, he renovated the residence he had used when he was a prince, building a tower which he called "The Mutual Shining of Flower and Calyx" there. On the four sides he built five palaces which he conferred upon his four brothers and a cousin. He called them "The Houses of the Five Kings." If one climbed to the top of the tower, one could see the five king's houses; it was just like the calyx and the flower mutually illumining each other. Emperor Xuanzong often went hunting with his brothers, and during those playful times, the brothers followed the family etiquette among themselves; the Emperor never put on airs. If any one of his brothers got sick, he would not be able to eat or sleep in peace, and would constantly inquire after him. Once when he was boiling medicinal herbs for his little brother, he even burned his beard by accident. The things people like to tell about most are his "Flower and Calyx Blanket" and "Flower and Calyx Bed"--he had a long pillow, large blanket, and large six-person bed custom-made so that he and his brothers could sleep under the same covers. That's why the term "flower and calyx" has come to be used to refer to brotherly affection.
In the families of ancient times, parents would carry a child in one arm and hold another by the hand; and the children would hang onto their parents' lapel or the hem of their robe. They would sit down at one long table for meals, and clothing would be handed down from older siblings to younger ones. Siblings even slept under the same covers and shared the same pillow sometimes! And so even if some might be smarter or more obedient than others, in general they were all very close. When they got married and new members joined the family, there tended to be some discord. At that point, each person's moral calibre would become apparent. In general, families in which siblings were taught to show respect and affection for one another had an easier time of it. In modern families where there are fewer children, individualism is on the rise. Not only do those who are "the only child" have no idea of what filiality and brotherly affection are, even those with several siblings still do their own thing ever since they are little; they don't understand what it means to yield to, to accept, or to share with others. In a single family there might even be people leading three or four different kinds of lifestyles. People call this "freedom" and "progress"; little do they know that we are actually regressing to the state of primitive societies that had no laws or ethics. There is no time to be lost: let us quickly return to our old moral and ethical values! |
