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在未出家前，已經開始接觸佛教，只因與婆婆不能和樂相處，每天心情煩躁、鬱悶，無法心開意解，故常去寺廟親近三寶，但未深入。皈依三寶後，始知凡事皆有因緣，不得強求。不久，適逢上人回台弘法，一日，有一鄰居來找我，一同去法界聖寺（高雄六龜鄉），幫忙打掃。此一因緣，讓我有機會皈依上人座下，接受善知識的薰陶。從上人錄音帶中，得知上人為母守孝三年，讓我慚愧心大發，深感婆媳問題，乃因我不孝、愚痴所致，因此想更進一步來了解佛法。某日，在家中掃地，忽於心中生起一念：「如果我能為更多人掃地，讓更多人走清淨的道路，不是很好嗎？」
我的家與法界聖寺是同個鄉鎮，但早期的法界聖寺，是由男眾法師常住，後由女眾法師來此常住並開辦佛學院，我才能前去親近。見她們日中一食、夜不倒單，如此清淨的修行，不禁讓我默默的祈禱：「希望自己能和她們一樣--出家修行清淨的梵行。」法師們也常鼓勵我，多念佛求菩薩加被，讓因緣能早日成熟。於是在家每天除早晚功課外，又念大悲咒及觀世音菩薩聖號。很不可思議的，同修居然答應我出家了。
依稀記得臨出家日，心中有所依依，上有同修、下有子女，此一親情牽絆著我，令我不知如何取捨。明知唯有了生脫死，才能究竟，但依舊掙扎不出。於是藉故將家中收拾整理......時間將至，怎知同修看我尚在整理，卻對我說：「走吧！收拾不完的。」此一句話終於讓我毅然的放下。是的！如此是永遠收拾不完的，懷著感恩、割捨親情的心離家，邁入了究竟解脫之道。 |
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I came in contact with Buddhism long before I left home. Because I did not get well along with my mother-in-law, everyday I felt agitated and depressed, and I didn't have an open mind. After I took refuge with the Triple Jewel, I realized that everything has its underlying causes and conditions, and we cannot force things. At that time the Venerable Master came to Taiwan to propagate the Dharma, and one of my neighbors asked to go to Dharma Realm Sagely Monastery to help with cleaning. That was how I had the chance to take refuge with the Master and to receive his teaching. From listening to his taped talks, I knew that the Master had observed filial piety by his mother's graveside for three years. I felt very ashamed and understood that my conflict with my mother-in-law was due to my stupidity and lack of filiality. I wanted to learn more about Buddhism. One day while I was sweeping in the house, I thought, "Wouldn't it be great if I could sweep for more people and let them walk the path of purity?"
In the early days there were only monks at Dharma Realm Sagely Monastery. When the nuns came and took over, and started the Buddhist Training Academy there, I began to draw near them. Seeing them eat one meal a day and seeing the purity of their practice, I secretly wished to be like them--to leave home and cultivate. They constantly encouraged me to recite the Buddha's name and pray to the Bodhisattvas so that I could fulfill my wish soon. Every day I did the morning and evening recitations, and recited the Great Compassion Mantra and Guanyin Bodhisattva's name; and to my surprise, my husband gave me permission to leave the home-life.
On the day I was to leave home, I could hardly bear to part with my husband and children. I didn't know what to do. I knew that ending birth and death is the ultimate task, but I still couldn't resolve the internal struggle. I started to put things in order and clean up, but when the time was up, my husband said, "Just go, you can never finish those jobs." His words made me put down my attachments. Yes, there's no end to these things. I left home feeling grateful and at ease, and stepped forward upon the path to ultimate liberation.
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