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在我小學六年級，家母就去逝了。那時心裡想，人死了到底去哪裡？是當鬼嗎？這個迷一直在心裡未能得到正確答案。退伍後，由於工作關係，常到殯儀館、醫院，對於人的生老病死、悲歡離合，是常見的。內心亦常感慨，覺得人活著從早忙到晚，到底有何意義呢？
由於身體差，去學習道家的養生術，也在這個機緣下，認識佛教徒。談起人生，他建議：想學習佛法，應先找個好師父。但因工作環境之故，未能積極去尋找，只參加了慈濟功德會。從小習慣鄉下長大的我，對將近十年的台北生活，感到非常厭倦。九○年十月辭去工作，回家另找一份時間較短的工作，有更多的時間接觸佛教知識。那時也學會了大悲咒。記得會〈大悲咒〉後，有一天開車時，忽然感覺渾身不自在，就離開車上，到外面走走，突然來了一輛大卡車撞上我的車。如果那時尚在車上（因平時我都在車上休息或持咒），後果定不堪設想，也因此信心大增。
在九○年十月中旬的某天早上，我大哥車禍腿受傷，去醫院看他，看到傷口是用一塊鮮紅色與豬肉相似的肉補上去，從此不敢吃肉，也激發了我出家念頭。因在此之前一九八八年，二哥在高速公路上車禍，當場死亡，令我感到人生無常，說不定那天輪到自己。
在工作中認識了上人皈依弟子，他拿一份智慧之源給我，介紹我跟上人出家。所以先到了「法界佛教印經會」把上人所講的錄音帶，全部請回家，聽後心裡非常的法喜。後來常去參加法會活動。記得九二年，聖城水陸空大法會時，因自己業障重，申請美國簽證未能過關。又聽師父說，這是最後一次收出家弟子。當時心裡就打妄想，想要離開上人的道場，另找師父出家。說也奇怪！當晚即夢見師父慈悲的對我說：「不用急嘛！」於是乎就安下心來沒有離開。直到九三年元月八日，才滿心願出家。 |
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My mother died when I was in the sixth grade. I thought about where the dead would go after their death. Would they become ghosts? The mystery stayed with me and I never got the right answer. After retiring from the military and because of my job, I was at mortuaries and hospitals quite often, so seeing the birth, old age, sickness, death, and the sorrow and happiness of separation and gathering was a norm to me. I was often deeply moved and asked myself the question: what's the purpose of life here when people rush from one thing to another, day and night?
Because my health was poor, I studied and exercised the Dao's method of transforming one into an immortal. Because of this, I got to know a Buddhist. While chatting about life, he suggested that if I was interested in learning about Buddhism, I should take refuge under a noble master. But due to my job, I wasn't aggressive enough looking and just participated in some charity institutions. Getting use to the way in which I grew up in the countryside, I was tired of the lifestyle in Taipei after ten years. In October 1990, I quit my job and found another one back in my hometown. My new job required less hours, so I had spare time to learn more about Buddhism. I also memorized the Great Compassion Mantra. I remembered one time which was right after I memorized the Great Compassion Mantra. Usually, I recited the Great Compassion Mantra while relaxing in my car, but that day I felt very edgy so I decided to leave my car and take a walk. All of a sudden, a big truck hit my car. If I had been in the car, the consequences would have been unthinkable. From this experience, my confidence strengthened.
One morning in mid October, 1991, my brother got into an accident and injured his leg. I went to visit him in the hospital. In order to repair the wound, they had to take flesh from other parts of the body to place it around the wound. The flesh was so much like pork that I could no longer eat meat. The incident also let me made up my mind to leave the home life. Part of the reason was also because of my second brother died in an auto accident back in 1988. He dies instantly on the expressway. I felt that life was very unpredictable and it could be my turn next.
I got to know a disciple of the Master from work. He gave me“Source of Wisdom" and suggested that I might leave the home life under the Master. So I went to The Dharma Realm Buddhist Books Distribution Society and bought home all the tapes by the Master. My heart was filled with Dharma joy. Since then, I frequently participated in Dharma Assemblies and other activities. I remember that at the time of the 1992 Water, Land, and Air Dharma Assembly in the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas, because of my own karma, my visa was not approved. The Master also said that time was the last time he would accept left-home disciples. I started to have false thoughts and wanted to leave for good and look for another master. It was on that very same night that I had a dream and in it, the Master compassionaly told me not to hurry. So I calmed down and didn't leave till I fulfilled my wish and left home on January 8, 1993.
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