大約八年前和一位久未連絡的朋友見面,很訝異她的改變,過去任性的她,變得成熟懂事,她說:「信佛令我改
變…」。這位朋友知道我獨自租屋在外面住,就教我在難過或者害怕的時候,不斷地念「阿彌陀佛…」的聖號。當時我對佛教一無所知,但因為她的改變,使我對佛
教有了很好的印象,於是照著她的話去做。所以每當半夜驚醒或是害怕時,就念佛,恐懼便漸漸消失,覺得安心,間或感到歡喜。但是!我從未仔細想過為何心情會
有這樣的轉變?
許久之後,很想看佛經,但又怕看不懂,就沒有勇氣去接觸。一段時間後,在某一因緣下,有機會請了一部《地藏菩
薩本願經》,經文開始之前,有一首覺林菩薩偈:「譬如工畫師,分布諸彩色;虛妄取異相,大種無差別。……」讀了之後,覺得非常有道理,原來佛經是這麼好!
於是才有勇氣慢慢地讀《地藏經》,雖然似懂非懂,也感到吃力,但當時很想要信佛,卻不知怎樣才能成為一個佛教徒?怎樣才算信佛?
後來有機會禮佛、拜懺,心裡迫切渴望聽經聞法,也去過不同的地方,可是總覺得還是少了什麼似的,直到一九九三
年五月到了柏林根國際譯經學院,才如願以償。更在這時候聽到上人開示,上人說:「學佛要慈心下氣,不要學佛反而生出了貢高我慢。」又說:「要迴光返照,要
往內照,時時反求諸己,而不是盡往外看別人的不是。」這兩句話使我如夢初醒;因為這正是我的障礙和困惑,是我應該學習的。
所以遇到上人之後,才真正算是學佛的開始。願能老老實實的照著這兩句話去做,不貪快,也不退縮,好好地走這條
學佛的路。
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About eight years ago I ran into a
friend whom I had not seen for a long time, and I was surprised by the
change in her: instead of being the impulsive and headstrong person I
remembered, she was mature and sensible. She said, “Buddhism has
changed me...” She knew that I lived alone and told me that if I was
ever afraid or in a difficult situation, I should keep reciting
Amitabha Buddha’s name. Although I didn’t know anything about Buddhism,
I was impressed by the change in my friend and so I took her advice.
Whenever I woke up in the middle of the night or felt afraid, I would
recite the Buddha’s name. It would calm my fears and make me feel
peaceful and even happy, but I never really thought about why it had
this effect on me.
After a period of time, I felt a
strong urge to read the Buddhist scriptures, yet I was afraid I
wouldn’t understand them, so I didn’t attempt to read them. Later on I
obtained a copy of the Sutra of the Past Vows of Earth Store
Bodhisattva. There is a verse by the Bodhisattva Forest of
Enlightenment at the front of the book: “It is like an artist spreading
colors on his canvas; different forms falsely appear, but there are no
differences in the basic elements.” That made a lot of sense to me, and
so I courageously began to read more of the Sutra, little by little.
Although it was quite difficult and I didn’t completely understand what
I was reading, I really wished to believe in the Buddha. Yet I didn’t
know what I had to do to become a Buddhist.
Later I had the opportunity to
worship the Buddhas and bow in repentance, and I eagerly attended
lectures on the Sutras and listened to the Dharma. I visited various
temples, but always felt that something was missing. When I went to the
International Translation Institute in Burlingame in May of 1993, I
finally found what I was looking for. I heard a lecture by the
Venerable Master, in which he said, “In studying Buddhism one must
maintain a kind and humble state of mind. Avoid becoming arrogant.” “We
must turn the light around and shine it within ourselves. At all times
we should seek within, instead of looking at other people’s faults.”
These statements brought me out of a dream, for they pointed right at
my own problems. These were just the teachings I needed to hear and
follow.
My study of Buddhism really began
after I met the Venerable Master. I hope that I can honestly walk the
path of studying and practicing the Dharma, without being impatient for
results and without retreating.
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