1. When Mother and Father are calling, answer them right away.

When our parents are far away or in another room, they may call out to us when they need us. If we do not respond right away, they may think that we are not around or that we did not hear them, and they will keep calling until they become hoarse or lose their temper, neither of which would be good for their health. A truly filial child would not want his parents to ruin their health like that. He would not pretend to be deaf or mute when his parents called him, and he would not dare to disobey them even if he is annoyed at being called.

2. When they give you directions, obey them without hesitation.

When our parents tell us to do something, whether sternly or gently, we should obey them right away and not look for excuses to procrastinate. We shouldn’t act obedient in front of our parents but then disobey them behind their backs; nor should we do things in a reluctant manner and keep complaining in front of our parents or behind their backs. 

3. When your parents need to instruct you, respectfully do as you’re told.

Our parents are much more experienced than we are, and so when they instruct us on how to communicate with other people and how to handle various situations, we should listen respectfully to their words, make sure we understand them, and remember them by heart. We shouldn’t think our parents are too old-fashioned and simply let their words go in one ear and out the other. It is said, “All people are my teachers, and I am everyone’s teacher.” Whether other people are good or bad, we can always learn something from them; how much the more can we learn from our parents! We should listen to our parents if they are right, of course; and if they are unreasonable, we should still be respectful to them, but not follow their example.

4. Whenever your parents must scold you, acknowledge your errors and faults.

If we do something wrong or we let down our parents’ wishes, they may scold us severely or gently remonstrate with us. No matter how they react, we should compliantly accept their admonition, and not argue with them or make them angry or upset.

Why are these four sentences placed at the beginning of the discussion on filiality? They deal with the most common situations that occur in our homes. We can easily tell from observing the daily interactions between parents and children whether the parents are loving and the children are filial. If the children claim to be filial and yet fail to practice these four basic rules in daily life, who will believe them? Unfortunately, we tend to neglect these small matters of daily life and think that they are no big deal. We don’t realize that if we gradually accumulate these bad habits, we may end up breaking our parents’ hearts.  What’s the use of claiming to be filial if we don’t actually practice?

In ancient China, there was a man named Ding Lan who was a rough fellow. Although he and his mother had only each other to rely upon, he often scolded and beat his mother without any sense of shame for his unfilial conduct. One day when he was working in the fields, he suddenly noticed a fawn kneeling down to drink its mother’s milk. He also saw some young crows busily looking for food to feed their aging mother. Reflecting on the way he treated his own mother, he realized that he was not even as good as an animal.  He made up his mind to be filial to his mother from then on. But it just so happened that on that particular day, his mother was late in sending lunch to him, and she was afraid she would be scolded and beaten again. As she hurriedly walked toward her son, she saw Ding Lan running toward her. Terrified, she dropped the lunch box and turned and fled. When Ding Lan saw his mother running away, he shouted out and ran even faster, trying to tell her his intention. His mother cried as she ran, thinking, “If he catches me this time, he’ll beat me to death for sure! What misery! It’s meaningless to live in this world!” And so when she reached the riverbank, she threw herself in and committed suicide. When Ding Lan reached that place, he saw only a piece of wood floating on the river. Knowing that he would never see his mother again, he picked up the wood and took it home, where he treated it as his mother. He carved his mother’s name on it, set it on the altar, and made offerings to it. And thus the Chinese custom of setting up memorial plaques to their ancestors began. Although Ding Lan deeply regretted his rebellious behavior, it was too late. So there is a saying, “The tree wants to be still, but the wind keeps on blowing; a child wishes to repay his parents’ kindness, but they are gone.” If we want to practice filial piety, we should start early by developing a respectful attitude toward our parents when we interact with them in daily life. That is the first step to being filial.

Think it over:

(1).If our parents call us when we are busy, should we ignore them?

(2).If we are engaged in something important when our parents tell us to do something else, what should we do?

(3).If parents tell us to do something unreasonable, how can we deal with the situation without hurting their feelings?

(4).If parents scold us for something that we haven't done, or if their scolding is based on an account that is partially inaccurate, can we argue with them? What would be the appropriate attitude to take?