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恆朝 一九七七年五月十日
清晨兩點半，我在自己念咒聲中醒來，哭聲使我清醒。我聽見車外有腳步和說話聲。全身戒備著。一個影子從車右邊過去，砰的一聲巨響，一隻手臂打破了前面車窗，正試著去抓車門把。驚醒了沉睡中的恆實。外面狗狂叫著。我大叫了一聲。手臂縮了回去。我感覺到四個持棍的黑影和一隻狗離開了車旁，走回街上。咆哮聲聽起來是喝醉了。不一會，聽見石頭打在馬路的聲音，他們去而復返。石、擊棍，他們漸漸靠近，我必須馬上行動，我跳上車座，發動車子。鑰匙呢？已經插上了，希望發得動。發動了，他們繼續前進，我要衝出去。有個人企圖阻擋車子，但我們成功地衝了出來了。
把車子開回金輪寺的車道，睡到四點。我們倆都覺得在做一件不輕鬆的事。成功和鑄成大錯的比例是相等的。我們隨時要小心翼翼地依照行程，專心禮拜，鼓勵自己不退縮，不動搖，誠懇的下功夫。在街上，可不准許放逸或錯誤，我倆心情緊張地度過了這艱苦的一天。
從朝寅旦直至暮，一切眾生自迴護；
若於足下喪其形，願汝即時生淨土。
唵，逸帝律尼莎訶（三遍）
恆朝 一九七七年五月十日
今早的挑戰少了一些。在我們上廁所的那個加油站有一個和藹但心態閉塞、信仰聖經的老人，企圖說服我是信了假神。他顯然在使用廁所的空擋，想好一個長篇大論，預備無論在任何情况下都要發表，好像收音機似的，我完全沒有開口的機會。很幸運的，我找到一個借口：「對不起！我的同伴走遠了。」溜呀！
方果悟、胡果相、Leonora蔡，親切好心的帶了午餐。昨晚他們曾出動找我們。他們的禮拜及供養實在很有鼓勵作用。如果不用功，實在說不過去。下面三、四天的行程都是在洛杉磯最恐怖的區域。一個優婆塞提供他的車道讓我們紮營。為了避免昨晚的麻煩，欣然接受。平白的讓別人有機會傷害自己是不必要的。
有一位六十九歲的優婆夷在做了多年虔誠的佛教徒後，因被送到教會學校念書而變成一個基督徒，她從此不再信佛教，因為她一直找不到真正的修行方式。她說：「後來遇見了師父。他不多話，但從他的眼光中可看出他思想的遠大。我很不喜歡頂禮。但不知道為什麼，一看到師父很自然的就跪下了。」心與實質的結合是無法用語言表達的。
幾個男孩粗野的向我們丟石頭做為見面禮。如果我的觀察力能更上一層樓，就會在他們手上的石塊沒丟出來之前就該請他們吃軟糖。這次只是幾個孩子扔石塊，下次可能......。不能大意。在美國的文化裡，是沒有一個正式的成人儀式來區分男孩和男人、女孩和女人。所以對青少年是個很大的困惑。他們努力的找尋方法證明自己的獨立和成熟。他們懂得太多，因而走偏了──裝出一副強硬男子漢的樣子。而在心靈上，他們並沒有真正的英雄具有實質與德行，讓他們仰望。當他們看見幾個女人在他們的地盤上供養、禮拜兩個在地上爬著的邋遢和尚時，心中的不平衡就可想而知了。
拜經擁擠但平和的墨西哥人住宅區。沒有酒吧，沒有人來糾纏或是問東問西。我們就像一陣輕風吹過似的，沒引起任何注意。
夏荆山及家人，與吳氏家人、Alice王等居士給了我們很多幫助。他們把車開來開去的幫我們買食物，洗衣服，向那位優婆塞拿取房子鑰匙讓我們用浴室等，他們向當地警察局替我們申請路旁過夜停車的許可證，但依規定我們不可以睡在車上。警察告訴一位居士，他們會注意我們，如果發現我們睡在車上會出面干涉。
─ 待續 |
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HENG CH’AU May 10, 1977
2:30 A.M. I wake up reciting a mantra. The mantra wakes me up. I hear voices and feet outside. My senses come alert. A shadow passes on the right of the van. Bang! An arm breaks through the front window vent and grabs for the door handle. Heng Sure, asleep, now jolts up. Dogs outside are barking wildly. "Hey!" I yell. The arm retreats. I can make out four big dark figures with nightsticks and a dog walking away from the car and down the street. Drunk and roaming. A little later I hear rocks hitting the pavement. They are mustering for a return. Tossing rocks, hitting their sticks, they draw nearer. I've got to move quickly. I jump over the seat and throw the car into gear. Where's the ignition key? In the ignition. Hope it starts. It does. They keep coming and I pull out. One tries to stop the car. We made it!
Went back and slept till 4:00 A.M. at Gold Wheel Temple in the driveway. We both feel tightness at what we are doing. Here there is potential for great accomplishment and for big mistakes. We need to be very careful with outflows. We must stick to a schedule, concentrate, and not move or retreat. Work hard and be sincere. There's no room for indulgence or error on these streets. We both feel the adrenalin crash. This was a big day, a hard one.
From early morning till fall of night,
All living beings should look after themselves.
Should you lose your life beneath my feet,
I vow that you will be reborn immediately
In the Land of Ultimate Bliss of Amitabha.
Nan. Yi di lyu ni swo he (3x)
HENG CH’AU May 10, 1977
Less flack this morning. The gas station we used for toilet purposes had a kindly old man who turned out to be a close-minded Bible man who tried to convince me I worshipped false gods. In between toilet breaks he had obviously put together a monologue and was ready to deliver come hell or high water. It was like talking to your radio—all transmission. Luckily I found an escape. "Excuse me but I have to stay close to the other monk. Take care." Zip!
Phuong Kuo Wu, Woo Kuo Hsiang, and Leonora Tsiang brought lunch to an abandoned lot. They are so gracious and kind. They were out last night looking for us. Receiving their food and bows makes one ashamed of not working harder and spurs one on. The next three or four days we will be passing through one of the roughest neighborhoods in L.A. An Upasaka has offered his driveway for evenings. We accept rather than cause more trouble like last night. To put ourselves in a situation where it's real likely someone is going to try to do us in does no one any good.
One Upasika is 69 years old. For years she was a devout Buddhist, but then she got sent to an Episcopal school and was made into a Christian. She never believed in Buddhism again because she couldn't find any true practice or cultivation. She says: "Then I met the Venerable Master. He doesn't talk much. His thought is deep. His eyes do the talking. For me to bow to anyone is hard, but to the Master it's easy. There's something there. I can't explain it." Beyond words, the heart and the true substance merge.
Boys come by and pelt us with a rock offering. Macho. If I had been more on top of it, I would have noticed the rocks and bottles in their hands and offered them the marshmallows. I've got to keep my eyes open. These were just kids with rocks, but next time... Can't relax! There is no clearcut rite of passage in this culture from boy to man, from girl to woman. So they get uptight and real difficult in the teen years. Looking for tests, ways to measure independence, strength, maturity. They know too much, so they get perverted—put on a false macho front, and try to be tough. They have no real models or heroes with any virtue or substance that they can look to. It must be weird for them to watch those women bowing and offering food to two roadgrubby monks in an abandoned parking lot they drink and grow up in.
Bowed through a tight, mellow Mexican neighborhood with no bars. Together family and community here. No questions, no hassle. It's just like we weren't there or like a gentle wind passed through.
Hsia Ching-shan and his family, the Woos, Alice Wong, etc., help us a lot. They drive back and forth, buy food, wash clothes, get a key from the Upasaka so we can bathe in his house, etc. They got us a permit sticker from the police for the car to be on the streets overnight, but we can't sleep in the car. The cops know about us and told one upasika that they would look for us if we did try to sleep in the car and bother us until we leave.
- To be continued |
