我的母親為人正直,雖然不識字,但有正念。所以受到母親的影響,我自小就知道念佛,長大後見到出家人向人收錢,留下不好的印象。及至看了《宣化上人開示錄》,自己思想改變了,對出家人的印象也從此改觀。本來對世間事物的種種疑惑,至此也一掃而光,而感到更加踏實。讀到般剌密諦法師如何犧牲自己,歷盡艱辛將《楞嚴經》帶到中國來,更加深了對高僧崇高德行的欽仰。
雖然深受佛法深義的感召,但自己的習氣毛病未改,所以家人並未察覺,我在人生思想與未來方向目標上,有了改變。有一天,我問母親:「假如我出家,你會怎麼樣?」母親以為我在開玩笑,就回答說:「祝你早成佛道!」因此就在這一切都很順利的因緣下,我開始詢問有關法界佛教總會的訊息。適逢一九八八年宣公上人率團訪臺,隨後在臺正式成立正法佛學院,於是我便毅然辭掉工作,申請入學。由於自己跟從善知識學習,受上人德行的感召,自己的祖母、親戚,及多年吃素念佛的同事,也放下了俗事的牽絆出家修行。
自己從上人出家後,才體認到僧伽責任重大。自覺基礎不夠,因此為自己定下目標,找時間打坐、研讀藏經,希望珍惜學法的時期充實自己,未來能盡己力為佛教來做事。很慚愧的是自己個性較強,與人相處時總是傷害人多,利益人少。我願隨喜他人,不苛求別人,願成就有能力為佛教做事的人。希望藉著願力大過業力,免得落入習氣毛病,傷人傷己,因為唯有成就他人,他人的成就才是最大的成就。
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My mother is a woman of honesty, illiterate but proper of thought. Influenced by her, I’ve known how to recite the Buddha’s name since I was young. After I grew up, I got a bad impression of left-home people when I saw them collecting money from others, until I read the Dharma talks of the Venerable Master Hsuan Hua. My thinking was then rectified, and my impression of the Sangha changed completely. I had had various doubts about worldly matters which were all swept away by the book and I felt more realistic. Reading about the noble Dharma Master Paramiti, who sacrificed himself and underwent many hardships to bring the Shurangama Sutra to China, won my admiration even more.
Although inside had been deeply touched by Buddha Dharma, my bad habits appeared all the same. My family did not realize that my thoughts and goals for the future had changed. One day, I asked Mother, "If I were to leave the home- life, what would you do?" Mother thought I was only joking and commented, "I wish you could accomplish Buddhahood quickly!" Therefore, under such smooth circumstances, I started to make inquiries about Dharma Realm Buddhist Association. In 1988, it happened that the Venerable Master Hsuan Hua led a delegation to Taiwan. Thereafter, the Proper Dharma Buddhist Academy was established. I quit my job with determination and applied to register. Because of my studying with the Great and Wise Advisor, inspired by his superior virtue too, my grandmother, a niece and a colleague who’d been a vegetarian for many years all let go of worldly attachments and left home to cultivate.
Only after I left home did I realize the great responsibility of the Sangha. Lacking a foundation, I arranged time to meditate and investigate the Collection of the Tripitaka. I cherish the time for strengthening myself in order to do my best in the future to contribute to Buddhism. I feel ashamed that my personality is so strong that in dealing with others I seem to harm them more than benefit them. I’d follow along with others joyfully and not criticize people so sharply. I also wish to be supportive of those who have the capability to do things for Buddhism. I wish that the power of my vows were bigger than my karma so I could refrain from becoming entangled with bad habits and harming myself and others. Helping to fulfill others’ achievement is the greatest achievement.
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