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恆實 一九七八年三月二十八日
……乃至樹下證大菩提。」
路的一邊是懸崖絕壁，另一邊是一些有毒的灌木。日落，打完坐時，透過車窗厚厚的灰塵，我的目光捉住了太陽下山時最後一抹碧光。
當年佛在河邊樹下敷草蓆地而坐，菩提樹幹寬坦的直立著，心形的樹葉在微風中搖曳。在四十九天的正定中，佛降伏了一切幻覺，退卻魔女之誘惑，剋服了身心一切妄境。終於目睹明星而悟道，豁然洞悉與宇宙一切事物，究竟超出生死輪迴。
恆朝 一九七八年三月二十八日
「我雖然迷失了，但仍舊向前衝。」
公路上大小車輛不斷呼嘯而過，速度之快在遇到彎路時幾乎失去控制，這正是這個因高速發展而失去控制瘋狂世界的寫照。而我們的妄念就像車輪不停輾過路面的柏油一般，二十四小時不停的磨損我們的心。
禮拜可以使我們的身心依著自然的速度運行，也因此而使我們瞭解一切唯心造的道理。不論身在洛杉磯交通忙亂的高速公路上或是在寂靜的松林中，我們都跑不出心地的範圍。
一輛滿載行李及孩子的旅行車快速的從我們身旁駛過，後車槓上貼了一張標語：「我雖迷失，但依然向前衝……」。當時剛巧有一位公園管理員停下來正在與我們說話，他驚呼道：「這標語真是太有意思了！我們人就是這樣到處亂衝，但對於自己究竟從那裡來，往那裡去，一點也搞不清楚。」
「一切眾生，在於生死險道中。譬如盲人，無有導師，非出要道，謂為出要。
入魔境界，惡賊所攝，隨順魔境，遠離佛意，我當拔出如是險難，令住無畏一切智城。」
華嚴經十地品。
腳踏車、汽車、摩托車、飛機、火車、小滑板、各種小輪子帶著我們在生死苦海的大輪中，不斷的旋轉輪迴，就如一首歌中所道：「小輪兒旋阿旋，大輪兒轉阿轉。」一個騎腳踏車的人停下車來用他的水壺來供我們水喝並請問佛法。難得有人懂得停止他的輪子。其實我們每個人都企圖停止那轉得令人要瘋狂的小輪子，也能跳出吃人的生死輪迴大輪子。佛就是如此教導所有的菩薩。
「摧毀諸有生死輪，轉於清淨妙法輪，一切世間無所著，為諸菩薩如是說。」
※※※※華嚴經十地品※※※※
恆實 一九七八年三月二十九日
……示現種種神通……」
我們的「心」有多廣？心包括所有一切，但我把這事實給忘了。
新經驗所帶來的刺激很快就被遺忘，昨天才覺得不可思議的事，今天就已習以為常了。我們經過的每個城鎮，到了晚上都在示現種種神通。每天晚上當我們像遊牧民似的在路旁露宿時，都可以看到由每家窗戶透出灰白或彩色跳動的影像。
整個美國幾乎每一家人都在慶祝體驗這種叫做「看電視」的新宗教的神通。誰說這不是一種神通示現呢？難道那些演員、西部牛仔、新聞播報員是在這小盒子裡嗎？他們以前黑白的臉怎麼都變成彩色了呢？當電視節目演完之後，他們又到那裡去了呢？就如新幾內亞的土人在看完電視演出之後，都到電視機後面去找演員。當發現裡面沒有人時，就下了個結論－－
那小盒子裡所裝的一定是精靈。
我的祖父時代沒有電視這玩意，也沒有人知道將來會有這種東西。而現在的人都完全的認為電視是生活的一部分。我們的心真是很能適應新發明。
恆朝 一九七八年三月二十九日
在寒冷的雨中拜。參天的松柏排列在與大海幾乎成垂直的岩岸峭壁上。外面的環境是寂靜的灰色，我們有足夠的時間空間去探索自己的內心。
昨天當我們在唸觀世音菩薩的聖號時，我進入一個境界，使我體驗到周圍的道路，草木、星辰，都曾是我們的祖先，而地、水、火、風則是我們未來的子孫，而且根本沒有所謂的昨日，今日，明日。整個宇宙是混然一整，無始無終，無增無減。是一個永恆的，無邊際的整體，即所謂「一即是多，多即是一」而這個境界一開始真使我震驚，因為我找不到自我了，但唱誦「南無觀世音菩薩。」聖號的不可思議力量，很快的就把我的恐懼轉成無所罣礙的微笑。
「汪洋沖融，廣大悉備者……」
※※※※華嚴經十地品※※※※
「雜亂的房間」
吃過午餐，在清理車子的時候，有一個旁觀者有感而發的說道：「當一切都收拾的井井有條時，你們心裡一定能得到某種程度的滿足感吧！」記得我和恆實在洛杉磯金輪寺渡過的第一個晚上，當我倆共用一間很小的房間。早課後，上人把頭伸進來，看到被我們衣物、書籍及其他雜物弄得有如豬窩的小房間時說道：「把房間收拾整齊了，一個乾淨的道場能使人生出菩提心的。」
稍後我們在上人的寮房裡，體會到了這種和平清淨的感覺。上人房裡的陳設很簡單，整齊，使得房間看起來很寬敞，是一個能容人之處。
為什麼師父要費心思去管弟子的房間整潔與否的瑣屑小事呢？
「圖難於易，為大於細。」---老子---
微小的習氣毛病，若不及時治理，很快的就變成大問題。雜亂的房間，反映著一顆散亂的心。假如不及早糾正這個妄心，日後將會成為修道的絆腳石。這就是一種漏，這種無頭緒的生活形態耗盡了我們的精力。如此一來，精神無法集中，心也就定不下來。修道若欲有成，必須能把最細微的因果關係也弄得清清楚楚。步步為營，舉心動念，一言一行，都不能越軌。故云：「菩薩畏因，不畏果。」
就在因地上，已包括了將來的果報。你怎麼種，將來就怎麼收。菩薩深知造什麼業，將來就受什麼報，所以在因地上非常的小心，不以善小而不為，惡小而為之。
「天下難事必作於易，大事必作於細，是以聖人猶難之，故終無難」
---老子道德經---
今天我瞭解到的另一件事就是我太貪了。我實際上的需要永遠比我心裡想要的少得多。貪求的結果，往往令人後悔。而整天都擔心自己將來會有所缺乏，也帶來許多的煩惱不安。欲念真的就是苦。所以經典上總是告訴我們要少欲知足。
恆實 一九七八年三月三十日
「起種種之變化」
繭化蝴蝶，蝌蚪變青蛙。達爾文建議人是由猿猴進化而成。我們毫不猶豫的接受這些知識及變化現象。但如果你告訴別人，觀世音菩薩有三十二種應身，隨類現身，為眾生說法教化他們，有多少人會相信呢？
我們到底應該相信誰呢？從小我們受的教有要我們用一種很科學化的頭腦去研究分析事情而不要迷信。但現今科學的先鋒們卻又發現宇宙的奧理，早在亙古前的經典中，聖哲就告訴我們了。
晚上打坐完後，我在星光下經行。看見一抹淡光從天際呼嘯而過。范登堡空軍基地又發射了一枚火箭。科學家們就像小孩子用彈弓向天上射石子般的，妄想用火箭去征服太空。
人類拼命的向外騁馳追尋，卻不知最寶貴圓明的本有家珍是在每個人的心內。
靜坐參禪一小時所能發掘的玄妙真理，比任何的太空探險更不可思議。不論是電影「星際大戰」裡的外太空人，或美國太空總署，都無法與探索自性的過程相比擬。更何況雙跏趺坐是那麼的平和，而飛彈、火箭卻是殺氣沖天。
恆朝 一九七八年三月三十日
「傾盆大雨」
狂風暴雨不斷，窄路懸崖在前。
在寒冷的下雨天，我們在車內如何度日？我們蹲在車箱尾部，用小塑膠盆盛水梳洗。必須先用煤油燈烤暖被凍僵的手指，才能點火爐煮飯。恆實打坐，我煮飯。爐頭是架在包袱上面。在車內我們僅有相當於小學生課桌那麼大的面積可用於煮飯、吃飯、洗碗。洗碗的方法是把它們放在車頂讓雨淋。
佛龕上的香是插在一空花生瓶內。在我們從金輪寺得到木魚和引磬之前，就是用筷子在鍋盆上敲打來充當。
淋濕的衣服先堆在前頭的儀器盤下，等天晴了，再拿出來曬。濕鞋子堆在車門邊滴水。除了蜘蛛及小昆蟲當作冬藏的空隙外，車內的每一寸空間都被充分的利用了。雖然已經盡量的縮著身子行動，但仍然不斷的會碰到彼此的鼻子。
恆實先開始拜，我把車子開到半哩以外，或更遠的適當停車位量。然後煮一壺熱水，灌在保溫瓶內，用毛衣綑上，以便在一天拜完後及第二天早上可以驅寒取暖。
我真的對我們能甘之如飴的忍耐力感到驚訝。有時這種下雨的日子連續一個星期，而我們只是無可奈何的聳聳肩，相視一笑，似乎一切的苦難就此消失了。磨難增長忍耐力，而耐力是一個修行者所不可缺少的功夫。
「菩薩能受一切惡，心等眾生無煩惱。猶如大地持一切，能淨忍辱波羅密。」
---華嚴經---
恆實 一九七八年三月三十一日
……現種種佛身，處種種法會。」
一張底片可以沖出無數張的照片。從千江萬水的反映中，可以看見千萬輪明月。兩面對立的鏡子，可以有無限重重的反射。由此類推，佛的種種化身也就沒什麼值得大驚小怪了。
在我腳底下，有一個變了形的鋁質汽水空罐。這一個汽水罐，與其他千千萬萬棄於世界各個角落的其他鋁罐沒有什麼不同。就像佛的種種化身一樣。
華嚴經裡所描述的境界，是佛菩薩修行圓滿而產生千百億化身。而這些化身本來是一個身。
雖然我們對這種不可思議的玄妙世界所知不多，但只要努力不斷的學習，終究能了然於心的。太陽底下，沒有什麼新鮮事。
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Heng Sure March 28,1978
"...up to and including accomplishing Great Enlightenment beneath the Bodhi Tree."
Sheer cliffs, barbed-wire on the precipice, poison oak beneath the scrub oak and manzanita. We retreat to the Plymouth at sunset, meditate until Sutra study time. Through the dust-covered window I caught "the flash of green" as the sun disc vanished below the waves.
The Buddha meditated on a heap of straw by the riverbank; the Bodhi tree has a fat, broad trunk and heart-shaped leaves that rattle in the breeze. After 49 days of still contemplation, the Buddha had overcome hallucinations, resisted temptations by demon-women, subdued the myriad states of mind and body. He looked up, saw a bright star, and his mind opened to great enlightenment. He knew everything. He would never again undergo rebirth.
Heng Chau, Tuesday, March 28,1978
"I'm Lost But I'm Really Movin'!"
Cars and campers roar by at incredible speeds, losing control on curves. The frenetic pace of the world gets played out on the highway. Twenty-four hours a day, non-stop, wheels spin and squeal and pound the asphalt outside as we people spin and pound our minds inside.
Bowing slows us down to a natural speed. We have learned wherever we go we are still in the same place, our mind. Fast or slow, L.A. freeways, or in pine woods, we never leave the world of our own minds.
A station wagon bulging with suitcases and screaming kids speeds by. On the bumper sticker it says,
"I'm Lost But I'm Really Movin'!"
"Boy, there's more to that than there seems," says a Park Ranger who stopped to talk. "That bumper sticker says a lot. Running here and there, never finding out who you are or where you're going. We are all lost."
"All beings are on the dangerous road of birth and death..." For example, it is just like a blind person who has no guide and mistakes a dead-end road for a road with an exit. He enters a demonic realm where he is captured by bandits. He goes along with the demon's mind and abandons the Buddha's will. I should pull him out of this danger and difficulty and cause him to dwell in the fearless city of all-wisdom."
----Avatamsaka Sutra (The Ten Grounds) -----
Bicycles, cars, motorcycles, planes,, trains, and roller skates, whiz and spin us into a thousand difficult directions, but the big wheel doesn't stop. We ride our little wheels in circles on the big wheel. Like the song says,
"Little wheels spin and spin,
While the Big Wheel turns around and 'round."
A bicyclist stops to offer us water from his canteen. Hot day, hits the spot. I look down and notice his wheels have stopped, a rare sight on this road. He stopped to give and ask about Buddhism. We are all trying to stop our own little wheels from driving us crazy, and get off the grinding Big Wheel. This is what the Buddha teaches to all Bodhisattvas.
"Smashing completely all existence,
The wheel of birth and death,
Turning the pure wonderful Dharma Wheel,
Unattached in all the world,
He teaches this to all Bodhisattvas!"
| He stopped to give and askad out Buddhism. We are all trying to stop our own little wheels from driving us crazy... |
Heng Sure, March 29,1981
". . . manifesting all types of spiritual power. . ."
How broad is the mind? The mind contains everything, but we forget.
We forget the first shock of new experiences. We take for
granted what only yesterday was inconceivable. The towns we
pass through display spiritual powers at night. Every home
lights a dim gray or pastel rainbow lamp; we see the shadows
through the windows as we make camp like nomads on the road
outside. The entire country joins in a celebration of
invisible psychic magic. A national family
comes together to experience the new religion of the world called "watching t.v." Who says it's not psychic powers at work? Are the dancers and cowboys and newmen and halfbacks inside that little box?
Why do they wear white and grey faces on the old t.v.'s and flesh-colored faces on the new sets? Where do they go when the show is over? After seeing a movie, primitive peoples in New Guinea ran up and looked for the actors behind the screen. Finding no people, they concluded there were magical spirits in the "little black box."
My grandparents had no television. They had no notion that such a thing could be. Now everyone accepts t.v. as a part of life. The mind adapts very quickly.
| How broad is the mind? The mind contains everything, but we forget... |
Heng Chau Wednesday March 29,1978
Bowing in cold rain. Tall fir and pines line the steep, rocky, Big Sur slopes that plunge straight down into the sea. Quiet, grey outside, lots of time and
room to explore inside.
During our recitation of Gwan Yin's name yesterday, I had an experience that the asphalt, grass, trees, and stars, were our ancestors. The air, water, wind and earth were the children to come. And yet there was no today, yesterday, or tomorrow. The entire substance of the universe was one, without beginning or end, loss or addition. One boundless, ageless body where the many were the one, and the one was the many.
"Deep and wide and interfused, Vast and great and totally complete." (Avatamsaka Preface)
It rocked me for a second, maybe because I couldn't find a "me" in this picture. But something in the chanting," Namo Gwan Shr Yin Pu Sa, Namo Gwan Shr Yin Pu Sa,' made everything okay and turned my fear into a big smile.
"Messy Room"
Someone watching us clean up the car after lunch comments,
"It must give you a certain amount of satisfaction to have everything neat and in its place."
I remembered our first night in L. A. Heng Sure and I shared a small room in the back of the temple. The Master looked in after morning recitation to see a veritable pig sty. Our clothes, bags and belongings were scattered and draped wherever they landed as we threw them.
"Keep your room clean and orderly," said the Master." A clean Way-place can cause someone to bring forth the mind for Bodhi."
Later in the Master's room, I noticed how peaceful and clear I felt. I observed the Master had few possessions lying about. The room was orderly and simple, not cluttered. There was a sense of expansiveness and room to receive people.
Why would a teacher bother with such seemingly trivial matter as a disciple's messy room?
"Deal with the hard while it is still easy. With the great while it is still small." -- Lao tzu
Small habits and faults soon snowball into major character flaws. A sloppy room or appearance conceals a scattered mind. Left uncorrected while small and close at hand, this messy mind grows to become a major obstruction to one's karma in the Way. It's an outflow. One's energy dribbles away into a thousand loose ends of a disorganized life style. There's no concentration; the mind is unable to be still and quiet. To be successful in cultivating the Way requires a fine and subtle maneuvering in the realm of cause and effect. Every step must be right. Each act, word and thought, cannot be a fraction off the mark. So there's a saying in Buddhism,
"Bodhisattvas fear causes, not results."
The result is included in the cause. The fruit is determined by the seed. Bodhisattvas know that what happens to them comes from the karma they create, so they tread with great care and do not overlook the smallest affair.
"Everything great must be dealt with while it is still small. Therefore, the Sage never has to deal with the great; and so achieves greatness." -Lao Tzu
Another lesson: I'm greedy. I always need less than I want. I always want more than I need. Too much brings regret later. Fear of too little brings worry before. Desire is a lot of suffering. The Sutra says,
"With few desires know contentment."
Heng Sure March 30,1978
"... changes and transformations..."
Caterpillars turn into butterflies; tadpoles become frogs. Darwin suggested that apes evolve into men. We accept these changes without blinking. The mind contains all-knowledge. It's said Gwan Shr Yin Bodhisattva manifests in thirty-two different response bodies, and appears before living beings to speak Dharma, and teach and transform them. Who believes it? Who do we believe? We were trained to be skeptical, scientific doubters. But science's pioneers are now discovering the universe looks very much the way ancients Sages described it in Sutras so old they cannot be dated.
I walked under the stars to stretch my legs after meditation. Looking up I saw a fiery streak of light and heard a faint, whistling roar. Vandenberg Air Base had released another pebble from Dr. Strangelove's slingshot in a futile effort to conquer space.
We work so hard and run so far away from home, seeking what is originally perfect and complete within. There is more magic and unexpected wonder in an hour of meditation than in any space program. From "Star Trek" to sputnik, from Tom Swift Jr. To NASA, the inner journey into the mind tops them all. Besides, full lotus is peaceful, rockets are not, they scream "Kill, kill!"
| But science's pioneers are now discovering the universe looks very much the way ancients Sages described it in Sutras so old they cannot be dated. |
Heng Chau, Thursday, March 30,1978
Big Sur Rain
Rain and stiff winds continue. Big cliff ahead and a small road.
What's it like inside the car on a cold, rainy day? We wash up in a small plastic basin while kneeling and bent over in the back of the car. Hand's are too stiff and cold to pump the stove. We light kerosene lamp to thaw out frigid fingers. Whoever gets circulation back first pumps the stove. Heng Sure meditates while I cook. The stove is propped up on stuffed sacks and clothes bags. We have a space about the size of a school desk top to prepare lunch, eat on, and do dishes. Rinse dishes with rain water by setting them on the roof. A stick of incense burns on the altar in an old Planter's Peanut can. The food is balanced on the wheel wells and in our laps. Before we got a bell and hand bell from Gold Wheel, we used hub caps and beat a kettle top with a chopstick for the meal ceremony gong.
The wet clothes get thrown in the front under the dashboard until the sun comes out again. Wet shoes are stacked against the door, standing on their toes to dry, as a puddle forms inside the car. Every inch is used. What space is left over bugs and spiders turn into winter living quarters. We brush our teeth and put on rain clothes while kneeling: Often banging our heads on the roof and poking each other in the eyes or ribs.
Heng Sure goes back to bow. I drive ahead 1/2 mile, sometimes further on mountain roads, before finding a pull-off. I make a thermos of hot water and wrap it in our winter coats so we'll have something hot to chase the chill after bowing, and the next A. M.
I'm surprised how well we get along, considering the cramped living conditions. We usually just shrug and laugh, which defuses any tension that gathers after a week of solid rain. Pressure builds patience, and patience is what cultivators need most.
"A Bodhisattva is able to bear all manner of evil, And in his mind he is totally level and equal to all beings without any agitation. Just as the earth is able to support all things, so he is able to purify the perfection of patience." (Avatamsaka Sutra)
Heng Sure, March 31,1978
"... transforming all kinds of Buddhabodies which presided over all the Assemblies."
From one photo negative we can print limitless pictures. The moon's light reflects at once on all lakes and rivers. Two mirrors facing each other reflect endlessly into infinity. Transformed bodies may be a bit like these, not so strange.
Beneath my foot is a dented aluminum soda-pop can. It is identical with millions of discarded soda-pop cans that clutter the world's highways and by-ways. Transformations surround us.
The Avatamsaka describes a level of cultivation where all the body puts forth hundreds of thousands of millions of transformed bodies. And yet all of these bodies are one body.
We know so little of the inconceivable and mysterious. But the mind remembers as it learns. There is nothing new under the sun.
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