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《菩提鏡》

 

Bodhi Mirror

從小就愛凝視西方--

Gazing at the West since she was little:

介紹比丘尼近行師
Introducing Bhikshuni Jin Xing

編輯部 提供 Provided by Staff Editor

近行師是臺灣省桃園縣大園市人,大園是工業區,但她家務農。從小就在野地裡玩慣了,抓田螺,摸魚,吃地裡新摘的菜蔬,新收成的白米,生活無憂無慮,身體壯得不得了,在學校體育課上,賽跑總拿第一。鄉下地方天寬地闊,家族有30多人,全住一處;童年與族中兄弟姐妹天天玩在一起,養成了她天真的個性,不知世故虛偽為何物。

升初中後,開始思考生從何來,死從何去,不再四處亂跑了;常坐在家門口,也不知為什麼總愛向西方凝視。一天,堂兄忽然淹死在附近池塘裡,至今死因不明,不知自殺他殺。當時給她的震撼很大,開始感到對生命有一種無奈感。以後,家中族人一個個走了;嫁的嫁,娶的娶,死的死。每次分離都讓她感嘆,「為什麼親愛的人不能常在一起?」她感到了生離死別的不可避免,及沒法掌握的痛苦。

家中妹妹(編按﹕即現在的比丘尼恆凰)先接觸了佛教,隨即不准家裡再養雞,又介紹她看《上人開示錄》。她看得很高興,開始瞭解了一點佛法,知道了生脫死才是自己應該追求的人生目的,也才意識到自己每天總向西凝視,或許是嚮望西方極樂世界?

1988年,上人來桃園縣主持「護國息災觀音大法會」,在妹妹的鼓勵下,皈依了,但不願受五戒,還捨不得剩下的那丁點兒「自由」。妹妹1993年出家,自己也憧憬著出家修道,但又放不下那一頭烏溜溜的長髮。

1995年上人走了,那年九月她來聖城參加水陸空大法會,看妹妹受大戒。完後,深感聖城是一塊修行寶地,便留下來入了居士訓練班,又在大寮、君康真素齋服務;每天忙得不亦樂乎,想打個妄想都沒時間,卻又高興得不得了,心裡覺得很踏實。自從長大後,日子從來沒有過得這麼滿意過。真希望時間就此打住!

聖城的時間過得特別快,慢慢地她越來越放得下了,在98年11月4日星期日上人出家紀念日那天,她落了髮,法名親慈。之後在法界聖城、萬佛城、金峰寺,三處道場受訓三年多,於2002年八月受了具足戒,現住金聖寺。

當問及她的法門時,她還不忘從小就愛凝望西方的習慣,因此選擇淨土法門。我們希望她將來在西方極樂世界時,不要忘記還在娑婆世界受苦的我們。

Bhikshuni Jin Xing came from Dayuan City of Taoyuan County in Taiwan. Although Dayuan is an industrial district, the members of her family were farmers. When she was little she used to play in the fields, catch snails and fish, eat freshly picked vegetables and newly harvested rice. She had no cares or worries and enjoyed excellent health. She always won first place in gym class races. The land is vast in the countryside. There were over thirty people in her extended family and they all lived in the same area. She played with her cousins everyday. As a result she was quite innocent and not at all sophisticated or hypocritical.

When she was in Junior High she started thinking about life a lot, “Where did I come from at birth? And where will I go after death?” She no longer ran around; instead she often sat at the front door of the house and gazed toward the horizon in the west. One day one of her cousins drowned in a nearby pond. Was it an accident or did he commit suicide? No one knows even to this day. The incident shook her up. A sense of helplessness overcame her for the first time in her life. Gradually one by one her family members left; some got married and some died. Each separation left her with deep sorrow and made her wonder why people so dear to each other could not stay together. She realized the inevitability of separation and was afflicted by the lack of control over it.

Her younger sister (who later became Bhikshuni Heng Huang) was the first to encounter with Buddhism and stopped the family from raising chickens. This sister also introduced her to the Venerable Master's instructional talks. She was elated after reading these books and gained some basic knowledge about Buddhism. She finally realized that her goal in life was to put an end to birth and death. She also felt that her gazing toward the west everyday might have been because she was longing to go to the Land of Ultimate Bliss without being conscious of it.

In 1988, the Venerable Master went to Taoyuan County to host the Dharma Assembly to Protect the Nation and Quell Disasters. With her sister's encouragement, she took refuge with the Ven. Master but skipped the five precepts. She did not want to give up the little bit of freedom that she was left with. When her sister left the home-life in 1993 she also thought about following her but she was not ready to part with her long, glossy hair.

In September 1995, a few months after the Venerable Master left the world, she came to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas (CTTB) to participate in the Water, Land and Air Ceremony and her sister's ordination. Afterwards she stayed on and enrolled in the Laity Training Program because she felt that CTTB was a precious place for cultivation. She also worked in the kitchen and Junkang Vegetarian Restaurant. Her life at CTTB was so busy that she had no time for idle thoughts, but she was also very happy because her life was so full. She also experienced a sense of contentment that she had never experienced before since she grew up. How she wished time would stand still!

Time flies at CTTB and gradually she was able to put down more attachments. Finally on Sunday, November 4, 1998, when CTTB was cerlebrating the Venerable Master's and Guanyin Bodhisattva's leaving-home day she joined the Sangha order. She was given the Dharma name Chin Ci. After more than three years of training in the precepts, the Dharma instruments, and so on at the City of the Dharma Realm, CTTB, and Gold Summit Monastery, she was ordained in August 2002. She is now serving at Gold Sage Monastery.

She has not forgotten her habit of gazing toward the west when she was little, and so she has chosen to focus on the Pure Land practice. We hope that when she is in the Land of Ultimate Bliss in the West, she will not forget those of us who are still suffering in the Saha world.

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