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師父上人、各位法師、各位善知識，阿彌陀佛！
我叫蘿琍‧卡巴莎（Lori Cabansag），法名親瑞，我在一九九八年五月三十一日皈依三寶，一九九九年受五戒。今晚輪到我上來講法，我是菲律賓人，不會說中文，不過我正在學習中文，今晚中譯的部份，我大概只能講這麼多了，希望大家多包涵。
我已經在聖城住了十個多月了，想跟大家分享我住聖城的印象；在座很多人都住得比我久，若我有說錯的地方，請指教。
下禮拜是我的生日，是皈依四週年的生日。我來聖城前住三藩市，在社區大學教英文，是教非以英文為母語的人。那時我周末整天都在金山寺參加法會，做清潔工作，與訪客交談等等。我花這麼多的時間在佛寺，我的天主教家人不能接受，我自己也不曉得會這麼強烈地被吸引；沒辦法解釋，直到我來到聖城後，我才明白過來。
這有個字可以說明我的感覺，這字是從梵文翻過來的，叫 Chrisna trsna，是「渴望」的意思。我在金山寺時，就像是沙漠中流浪的人，得到一杯冰水那樣的感受。那邊的法師們、居士們，就像給了我一杯清涼的飲料一樣，這些飲料就是佛陀的教導。
根據他們的開示及身體力行，及讀了一些經書及上人的開示錄，我學到了佛陀所教的一些原則，及寺廟行儀等等。我仍在學習，如果各位看到我犯錯的地方，請讓我知道。
上人常用一個比喻，「……就像鐵被磁鐵所吸住一樣」，我就是如此強烈地被佛教所吸引，這股力量這麼強，讓我放棄了一切，投身於寺院生活。
起初我以為我會有大部份的時間研讀經典、打坐、參加法會，可以將世俗的工作，每天例行的公事拋諸腦後，但很快我就發覺，工作竟然佔去了我大部份的時間，而且作工是整體修行的一部份。
我不但教英文、兼收銀員，又接了一些新工作，像廚房洗碗，在君康真素齋當服務生、謄稿、校對等等。我從來沒想到，這些工作會是我修行中的一部份，不過，對我來說這是蠻有意義的，我真的很感謝我的工作同伴，她們對我很有耐心。
我的老朋友對我說：「妳辭去了原來的工作，可是妳竟然接了相同的全勤工作！不但如此，妳還在餐廳當服務生，妳根本沒有自己的時間。工作，怎麼會是妳修行的一部份呢？」我想最主要的關鍵是，「訓練我們能夠時時刻刻都專心一致」；如果妳很專心，不管什麼時候，什麼時間，做什麼事，都是一樣的，那才是「真正」要下功夫的地方。
我的那些朋友們所不了解的是，「我需要工作，就像工作需要我一樣」；我需要工作幫助我克服一些舊的習氣，我的自私和懶惰這些毛病。另外，它還幫我修習「專注」，不過「取得平衡」也是很重要的。每天我必須試著在工作、學習、私事、參加法會，當中去調整自己，以取得平衡。我時時刻刻試著去察覺我的一些妄想，並盡最大的努力不受它們左右。
去年我來聖城時，有人對我說，「住在這裡的人就接近自然，沒有多餘的奢華。」接近自然對我來說，也就是接近動物。這裡動物有很多種，在聖城所接觸的第一種動物，除孔雀之外，還有蒼蠅。夏天，大殿裡有好多的蒼蠅，牠們很貪心，停在一個人的頭上還不夠，不管出家人或是在家人，這些蒼蠅似乎每個人的頭上都要停一停，碰一碰，感覺一下不同修行人的氣息。這些蒼蠅令我感覺像我住在外面時那樣，被一些廣告及一些流行的東西所刺激，就像這些蒼蠅停在一個頭上不夠，所以還要嚐試更多。
秋天還很熱，學校的窗戶還是開著。一天，有隻蜂鳥飛進教室，卡在兩扇窗欄之間，我小心地把牠拔出來，然後小心翼翼地捧著，到外面去放生。等牠飛了之後，我還可以感覺到在我的手心裏，這個小動物是這樣地小，這樣地脆弱。
冬天多雨，有很多蚯蚓爬到路面上去，有的竟爬到宿舍的走道間，我若不仔細看路，就可能把牠們踩扁了。有次在齋堂我差點就踏到一隻青蛙，牠停在小齋堂跟廚房之間的階梯上面，我小心地把牠拾起，拿到外面去放生。但是，我還要跟牠交戰一番，因為這隻青蛙又溼又滑，不容易抓住。
幾個禮拜以前，當我走進教師辦公室時，竟然有一隻藍色的鳥，名叫 scrub jade 的，停在我鄰座辦公桌上。上禮拜有天半夜三點，我被一種怪聲吵醒，看不見是什麼，感覺上是個蠻大的動物；我打開燈，看聲音是從哪兒來的。一看！竟然是一隻蝙蝠從窗口飛進了我的房間。我想，糟了！我可不想和一隻蝙蝠共處一室，怎麼辦呢？我嚇得不得了。結果我把窗戶開大一點，還好牠就飛出去了。
我還有很多跟動物們緊密接觸的經驗，有的你得把牠們撿起來，放到安全的地方；有的你要指示一個正確的方向，讓牠能出去。這些經驗令我聯想到我們跟佛菩薩的關係；身為一個佛教徒，我們尋求佛菩薩的引導保護，也尋求上人的智慧，來引導我們出離生死苦海。聖城有很多很多的寶，例如上人的示現，雖然看似無形，卻真實存在。另外，還有經典（法寶）以及法師們（僧寶）。每一個人在這裏都有一樣的心，我們希望能夠清淨自心，得到智慧，增長慈悲。能在這兒住，我感到非常幸運，願我們大家都能夠早成佛道。阿彌陀佛！
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Venerable Master, Dharma Masters, and All Good Knowing Advisors, Amitabha Buddha. My name is Lori Cabansag, Dharma name Qin Rui. I took refuge at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas (CTTB) on May 31, 1998 and I took took the Five Precepts at CTTB in 1999. It’s my turn tonight to speak. My ethnic background is Filipino, so I don’t speak Chinese. I’m working on it, though. I hope you will be patient with me. This is probably as far as I should translate for myself.
I’ve been living here at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas for ten months. I’d like to share my impressions about living at CTTB. Most of you have been here much longer than I have. If I say anything inaccurate, please correct me.
Next week is my birthday—my four-year anniversary, that is, of having taken refuge with the Triple Jewel. Before coming here, I was living in San Francisco and teaching ESL at a community college. I’d spend all day at Gold Mountain Monastery on weekends, attending ceremonies, cleaning, talking to visitors, and so on. Spending all this time at a Buddhist monastery wasn’t something that my Roman Catholic family could easily understand or accept. I myself didn’t understand why I felt so strongly drawn there. I didn’t know how to explain it to myself until after I came to CTTB.
Being at Gold Mountain Monastery was like a glass of ice water to a tired desert wanderer. The Dharma Masters and laypeople served up this cool refreshing drink—it was the teachings of the Buddha. By their instructions and by their example and through reading Sutras and the Venerable Master’s commentaries, I learned what I could of the principles taught by the Buddha, the right ways of acting in a monastery, and other things. I’m still learning, of course, so if you see me making any mistakes, please let me know.
An analogy the Venerable Master often uses is: “metal filings to a magnet.” That’s how strongly I was drawn to Buddhism. The pull was so strong that I wanted nothing but to live full-time in a monastic community.
At first, I thought I would spend most of my time studying the Sutras, meditating, and attending ceremonies. I thought I would leave the everyday world of work and routine behind. Soon, I realized that “work” would take up most of my time, and that “work” could be an integral part of Buddhist practice.
Not only am I still an ESL teacher, but I’m using old work skills, like cashiering, and I’ve picked up new ones, like dishwashing, serving customers at a restaurant, and copy-editing. I never would have imagined I’d be doing these things as part of my religious practice, but it’s all very instructive. I really have to thank my co-workers for all their patience with me.
Friends back home have said, “You left your old job in San Francisco to do the same job teaching full time. Not only that, but you’re working at a restaurant! You don’t have any free time!” So, just how is “work” a part of Buddhist practice? The key, I think, is in the practice of being mindful. To be mindful at all times no matter what I’m doing, that is the real work.
What people back home don’t know is that I need the work as much as the work needs me. I need it to help me overcome my bad habits of selfishness and laziness. And it helps me practice to be more mindful. But balance is important too. Every day I have to try to balance work, study, personal business, and attending ceremonies. And at all times I try to be aware of my thoughts, to be in control of them, and to do my best.
Last year, before I came here to live, I was told that everyone here lives very close to nature. This means living closer to the elements and with fewer luxuries. For me, living close to nature has meant close contact with all kinds of creatures—animals of various sorts.
I arrived last summer, and besides the peacocks, the flies in the summertime were the first creatures I noticed. In the Buddhahall, there were so many flies. They seemed greedy to feel the sensation of every cultivator’s head with their feet. The feel of one head wasn’t enough. They had to land on the heads of each and every one, left-home and lay people alike. Isn’t living outside of here like that too? With the influence of advertising and popular culture, it’s easier for me to feel greedy for different things, for different sensations, like I always want to try something more.
In the fall, the weather was warm enough still for windows to be kept open. One day, a hummingbird flew into the classroom and trapped itself between two windowpanes. I pulled on its beak and cupped it with my hand to try to free it. Even after it found the way out, I could still feel its tiny, delicate body on my hands.
In winter, the heavy rains brought out the earthworms. If I hadn’t been looking, I would have squashed many of them. There was even one slithering through the hallway in the women’s dorm.
Once, in the dining hall, I almost stepped on a greenish-gray frog about two inches long that was squatting near the steps between the kitchen and the small dining hall. I had to pick it up to take it outside, but it sure did put up a fight. It strained its head and body to try to slip through my fingers. He was a clammy one.
A couple weeks ago, I walked into the teacher’s office at school and there was a scrub jay on the desk next to mine. And last week a strange shuffling, whirring sound woke me up at three o’clock in the morning. I couldn’t see what it was, but it sounded like something big. I turned on the light—where was that sound coming from? It was a bat that had flown through my open window! I was a bit unnerved to be sharing a room with a bat, but fortunately I opened the window wider and it flew out.
I’ve had many other close encounters with animals here. Some have to be picked up and moved to a safer place. Others need to be shown the way out, and they need to be guided in the right direction. These encounters make me think, among other things, of our own relationship to the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. As Buddhists, we seek the guidance and protection of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. We also seek the guidance and wisdom of our teacher, the Venerable Master. We need to be shown the way or the methods, to get out of the desert of suffering, the tiring, endless cycle of birth and death.
The City of the 10,000 Buddhas has many treasures—such as the intangible, but real, presence of the Master, the Sutras, and the Sangha. And everyone here is of like mind; we want to purify our minds and our hearts, gain wisdom, and deepen our compassion for others. So being here at the City to cultivate is ideal. I feel very fortunate and grateful to be here. May we all soon realize the Buddhas’ Way. Amitabha.
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