俗話說：「寬水養魚終究好，莫因愛惡起風波。」一般世俗的「愛」都是愛之深責之切 ；因為這種執著，往往為一樁小事糾葛就反目成仇。情深恨更深，所以基本上人寬厚澹泊一些的好。所謂「愛人者，人恆愛之；敬人者，人恆敬之。」我們若恭敬讚歎別人，不和人計較，別人一高興會更加自愛白勵；就算他們沒 有讚歎我們，已是於人有益，又於我何損？

經常聽到有人因吃了虧而忿忿不平，不是苦心積慮想找回公道，就是不爭回顏面利益誓不罷休。因此，委曲、哀怨、仇恨填滿胸臆，每天吃不香，睡不穩，心眼兒只侷限在那小小的死結上。其實，吃不吃虧都是自己想的。若不計算就不會感覺吃虧，日日是個好日；若會計算就容易感覺吃了虧，吃了虧又繼續煩惱，豈不是「賠了夫人又折兵」？最不上算了！為什麼會計算的，卻總計算不到這上頭？  

再進一步說：為人隱惡揚善是忠厚的美德；太過剛正嫉惡如仇就不是美德了。嫉惡如仇只能算是「俠」，並非「義」(宜)，更談不上是「仁」。

中國「春秋五霸」的秦穆公和楚莊王都是決決大度不揭人短的仁君。這兒有兩個膾炙人口的小故事足見他們之能稱霸一時絕非倖致，完全是因為他們的一念之仁而得人心之故。秦穆公有一匹心愛的馬，在山野的圍獵中走失了 ，便派人滿山遍野地去找。一團騎兵發現煙火便循香找去，看見有一群人生著火在烤馬肉吃 ，就怒叫道：「你們這些野人，好大的膽子！ 竟敢偷走君王的愛馬宰了吃！」便把這一批吃馬肉的人都押到穆公面前。穆公看最鍾愛的馬已死固然心疼；但愛馬的命既已無可挽回，又何必徒然殺死這許多人命呢？於是叫人抬來一缸美酒，並說：「我聽說吃了寶馬的肉如不用好酒佐食，腸胃會撐不住。你們快快把酒喝了 ！」就率兵回城。過了幾年秦晉交戰，秦國因 為輕敵而大敗，穆公逃到一處山坳間，情況十分危急；忽然一陣巨雷似的響聲，一隊人自山坡滾著大石直衝到敵軍前，奮勇嘶殺把晉兵打得落荒而逃。穆公慚愧地下馬致謝：「寡人不曾恩及全國百姓，是何褔德竟蒙冒死相救！」領頭的人也急忙率眾跪下說：「大王！我們就是那群吃馬肉的人啊！」

楚莊王有一回宴請將相大臣，不但把上好的陳年醇酒取出招待，更叫後宮美女輪流敬酒。在昏暗的燈光下，君臣喝得酒甜耳熱，談笑不斷；忽然，他最寵愛的一個妃子悄悄挨近說：「大王！方才賤妾敬酒時，有個人趁機對我不規矩，賤妾已偷偷把他的帽帶子摘斷。您只要把燈點亮，察看有誰的帽帶子斷了，就知道不守規矩的人是誰了！」

楚莊王一聽，馬上說：「賜人飲酒弄到他酒醉失禮，這是寡人的過失。寡人怎能再用後宮女子的小節去玷污了廟堂大臣的大行呢？」於是下令搬來更多美酒，並把燈火全部吹熄，說：「今天我們君臣痛飲，不醉不歸！誰若不喝到帽帶子都捻斷了就不算盡歡盡興！」天明時，一堂醉得東倒西歪的大臣已沒有一個還有帽帶子的了。後來在一次出使外國的談判中，有一位大臣拼命捍衛楚莊王，又以和對方君王同死做要挾，終使對方君王簽下了和約。任務順利完成，君臣一行也得以安全歸國。途中，楚莊王不解地向那個大臣：「寡人似乎不曾特殊地加榮寵於你 ，你為何這麼樣地拼命保衛我呢？」

那個大臣回答說！「臣就是那個被美人摘斷帽帶子的人！」

反過來說若是喜好幸災樂禍揭揚人短，不管是有意無心又會招致怎樣的報應呢？春秋時代齊國是大國。一回齊國有大慶典，許多國家都流使者來朝覲；因為場面盛大齊頃公的母親也出來在城門上觀看。當她看到晉 、魯、衛、曹四國使者一起出現時忍不住指著他們大笑起來。為什麼呢？因為很湊巧晉國使者是個瞎子，魯、國使者是個禿子，衛國使者是個跛子，曹國使者是個駝子。這四個使者被如此嘲笑都十分羞忿，回國後各自報告受辱經過。晉、魯、衛、曹四國便聯合起來圍攻齊國，把齊兵打得落花流水災情慘重 。這就是「揚人短」所惹出的災禍。

There's a saying, "It is always good to raise fish in a large pond; never stir up waves because of your own likes or dislikes." With worldly love, it is generally the case that the deeper you love someone, the more demanding and critical you are of that person. Due to this kind of attachment, people often get into fights with those they love and turn into enemies. If the love was deep, the hatred is even deeper. Therefore, it is a good idea to take a more tolerant and detached attitude towards people. As it is said, "those who cherish others will always be cherished. Those who respect others will always be respected." If we make a point of being respectful and praising others instead of arguing with them, when others are happy it will only make us cherish ourselves and urge ourselves on. Even if we are not praised for such behavior, others have benefited from it and we have not lost anything by it.

We often hear of people who, because they took a loss, are furious and determined to gain revenge. They won't rest until they have snatched back their own honor and benefit. Filled with grief and resentment at being wronged, they have no appetite and cannot sleep. Their mind becomes limited to a mean and narrow vision of things. Actually, whether or not you have taken a loss is a matter of how you look at it. If you don't calculate for yourself, you won't feel that you have taken a loss, and every day is a good day. If you calculate and scheme, it's easy to feel as if you've taken a loss and so you get afflicted. Isn't that a case of taking a double loss? It's not worth it at all! Why don't you ever take this into account in your calculations?

Further, it is the virtue of tolerance and loyalty to be able to overlook people's faults and praise their good points. It is not a virtue to be overly righteous and hate evil people with a passion. Such a mentality can only be called chivalry; it cannot be considered righteousness and even less is it humaneness.

During the Spring and Autumn Era of the five feudal lords, Lord Mu of Qin and Lord Zhuang of Chu were both humane and tolerant rulers who did not talk about others' shortcomings. Here are two popular anecdotes which show that it was not by luck that they were able to rule. They won people over with their humaneness. Lord Mu of Qin had a beloved horse. When this horse disappeared during a hunting expedition, Lord Mu sent scouts all over the mountain to search for it. One party of mounted soldiers party detected smoke and tracked the smell to its source, where they saw a group of people roasting horsemeat over a fire. The soldiers angrily yelled, "You savages have all the gall! How could you steal the King's beloved horse and slaughter it to eat?" They took those people before Lord Mu. Although Lord Mu was saddened to learn of the death of his favorite horse, since there was no way to bring it back to life, he did not see any need to take the lives of all those people. Instead, he sent people to fetch an urn of fine wine and said, "I've heard that if one does not accompany fine horsemeat with fine wine, the stomach will not be able to take it. So all of you, please drink up!" Then he led his troops back to the city. Several years later when the state of Qin went to war with the state of Jin, Qin underestimated the enemy and was badly defeated. Lord Mu and his men were driven into a gorge and caught in a precarious situation. Suddenly they heard what sounded like a roll of thunder, and a band of men came rolling huge boulders down the slope, right onto the enemy troops, which they then proceeded to attack and kill. The troops of Jin dispersed and fled for their lives. Lord Mu dismounted in shame and went to thank the men, "I have not treated my people very well. What blessing do I have that makes you risk your lives to rescue us?" The leader motioned for his group to kneel down, and then he said, "Great King! We are the people who ate the horsemeat!"  

Lord Zhuang of the state of Chu once invited all the generals, ministers, and officials to a banquet, where he brought out his best aged wine and had his royal concubines take turns serving it. In the evening lamplight, when the officials were inebriated and deep in conversation, his favorite concubine quietly approached him and said, "Your Highness, just now when I was serving wine, one of the men acted improperly towards me. I stealthily snapped his hat strap. If you light up the lamps and take a look, you will know which man it was."

Lord Zhuang said, "If I give a man wine and make him so drunk that he loses his manners, that is my own fault. How can I defile this great gathering of court officials with the petty ways of a concubine?" Thereupon he ordered more fine wine to be brought out, snuffed out the lamps, and said, "Tonight we, the Lord and his men, must drink until we are thoroughly drunk! Anyone who fails to drink to the point of snapping his hat strap will not have celebrated to the utmost." By the next morning, the great officials were all dead drunk, and none of them had their hat strap. Later on, while serving as an ambassador in another state, one official did all he could to protect the Lord Zhuang of Chu and even threatened that he would die with the lord of the other state. Finally that lord signed a treaty. After completing his task, Lord Zhuang and his official returned to their own state. On the way, the Lord asked the official, "I don't remember having shown you any special favor. Why were you so determined to protect me?"

The official smiled and said, "I was the one whose hat strap was snapped by your concubine."  

On the other hand, if you rejoice in other people's misfortunes and make known their shortcomings, whether deliberately or not, what kind of retribution will you receive? During the Spring and Autumn Period, the State of Qi was a large country. Once when it held a large ceremony, many other states sent ambassadors to attend. Because it was a splendid occasion, the mother of the Lord Qin of Qi came out to watch from the city gate. When she saw the ambassadors of Jin, Lu, Wei, Cao appear, she could not help but burst into laughter. Why? Because, by a strange coincidence, the ambassador of Jin was blind, the ambassador of Lu was bald, the ambassador of Wei was lame, and the ambassador of Cao was a hunchback. Embarrassed and furious at being mocked, these four ambassadors returned to their states and reported how they had been insulted. The four states of Jin, Lu, Wei, and Cao then joined together and attacked the state of Qi, defeating the Qi troops so badly that they were reduced to wretched misery. That was a disaster caused by making fun of others' shortcomings.