善

相

劝

，

德

皆

建

shan

xiang

quan

de

jie

jian

好事

互相

规劝、勉励

品德

都

建立

good

one other

to urge on

virtue

all

to establish

朋友之间，互相劝勉向上，那么彼此的品德，都会增进建立。
If we urge one another toward goodness, then we all will develop our virtue.

过

不

规

，

道

两

亏

guo

bu

gui

dao

liang

kui

过错

不

规劝

道德

两人

亏损

faults

not

to remonstrate

morality

both

to lose

朋友有过，却不加以规劝，对于彼此的道行，都是一种亏损。
If we fail to correct one another's faults, hen we all will be deficient in morality.

凡

取

与

，

贵

分

晓

fan

qu

yu

gui

fen

xiao

凡是

取得

给与

注重

弄分明

搞清楚

whatever

to get

to give

to emphasize

to be distinct

to be clear

无论是收取或给与任何财物，最重要的是交待得清楚明白。
It is important to be clear and distinct on what you give to and take from others.

与

宜

多

，

取

宜

少

yu

yi

duo

qu

yi

shao

给与

应该

多

取得

应该

少

to give

should, ought to

more

to take

should, ought to

less

付出的应当多一些，取得的最好少一点。
When giving you should be generous; when taking you should take a little less.

朋友之间的维系，不是只靠感情成就，还得有“义”存乎其间；若单靠感情，这样的交往只能浓郁一时，却不会芬芳久长。朋友是这样，古代的君臣或现时社会的雇主员工关系也是这样；甚至夫妇之间，还是一样要以义相合，才能维系得长久而和谐。所谓“君子之交淡如水，小人之交甜如蜜”；谁能天天吃蜜糖而不腻呢？水虽淡而无味，却不可一日或缺。

Friendship is based on more than affection; a sense of duty should also exist between friends. A friendship based solely on affection will be strong only for a while; the good feelings will not last long. Not only is this true of friendships, it also applies to the relationship between kings and officials of old and between managers and workers of modern society. Even between husband and wife, there must be a sense of duty to make the relationship long-lasting and harmonious. There is a saying: The relationship between superior people is as plain as water. The relationship between petty people is as sweet as honey. Who could eat honey day after day and not get tired of it? Water is plain and flavorless, yet we cannot go without it for a single day. 

既然以上这些人伦关系都得靠“义”来维系，而义者，宜也；什么又是最适宜的呢？那就是要互相劝善规过。我们若是一味爱护，有过不规，就是自己亏了义气；更糟的，对方还可能因了我们的纵容、姑息，而一错再错，终至身败名裂，那这又该是谁的过错呢？

All of the above relationships are based on duty, and "duty" is defined as what is appropriate. What is the most appropriate way to act? It is to urge one another toward goodness and correct one another's faults. If we merely love and protect our friends but fail to exhort them to change their faults, we will have been lacking in integrity .Even worse, due to our leniency our friends may make one mistake after another until they are totally ruined. Who is then at fault?

有位十分宠爱儿子的母亲，儿子小时偶尔打架偷东西，她都护短，说：“孩子还小，不懂事！再说又不是什么大不了的错！”就一味姑息。儿子越大，偷得越多越厉害，母亲想管也管不了了，只好由着他，甚至还帮他掩饰，终至儿子犯下滔天重罪被处死刑。临刑，孩子要求母亲再喂他口奶；结果他狠狠地咬下母亲的乳头，母亲痛得差点没昏过去。死刑犯也哭了，对母亲说：“你若早知道痛，在我小时就管教我；我哪会堕落到这地步呢？你是用你的爱害了我啊 ！”

Once there was a mother who adored and spoiled her son. When he was little, he would sometimes fight or steal, but she would defend him, saying, "He's still young and doesn't understand anything. Anyhow, he hasn't committed any serious wrongdoing." She was always lenient with him. The older he grew, the more he stole and the craftier he became. Eventually the mother had no way to discipline him. She could only let him do as he pleased; she even helped cover up for him. Finally the son committed a major crime and was sentenced to death. Before his execution, he requested his mother to feed him her breast milk. When his request was granted, he fiercely bit off his mother's nipple. She nearly fainted from the pain. The criminal also wept and said to his mother, "If only you could have felt the pain earlier and disciplined me when I was little, would I have ended up like this? Your love has ruined me!"

相反的，我们若能恪尽言责，不但守住义理，对方也因此道德增上，那真是双方的褔气！所以，能规劝人，固然是有才有德；能接受规劝，更是有德有量。

Conversely, if we speak when we are supposed to, not only do we maintain our integrity, we cause others to develop their morality, resulting in blessings for both sides. If we are able to exhort and remonstrate with others, we have both talent and virtue. If we can accept others' remonstrance, we are both virtuous and tolerant.

汉朝中兴之主光武帝，便是有德有量的君主。有一回光武帝出郊打猎，猎得高兴了，竟忘了时间已晚；车骑回到东城门口时，已是半夜了。镇守东门的郅恽就是不开门；而且，第二天早朝时，郅恽更直言指责皇帝有二过；知法犯法是其一，畋猎无度是其二。光武帝毕竟是个英明有为的君主，非但没生气，还当众认错，又赏赐郅恽一百疋布，以嘉奖他的尽职。

Emperor Guangwu, whose reign was in the middle of the Han Dynasty, was an example of virtue and tolerance. Once the emperor went out hunting and was so engrossed in the pleasure of the hunt that he did not notice the time. When his carriage reached the east gate of the city, it was already midnight. The guard refused to open the gate. The following morning, the guard bluntly admonished the emperor for two faults: first, knowing the rule and breaking it; second, hunting without restraint. Emperor Guangwu, being a wise and great ruler, did not get angry, but openly acknowledged his mistakes and presented the guard with a hundred bolts of cloth to reward him for his dutifulness.

前面也曾提到过，唐代最英明有为的皇帝太宗，也有个最直言敢谏的魏征；太宗对魏征择善固执的精神十分欣赏，魏征也相当钦佩唐太宗的器量，因此只要唐太宗的言语行为有任何不当，魏征必定直言进谏，唐太宗也都能虚心接受。

Earlier we mentioned the greatest and most talented emperor of the Tang Dynasty, Taizong, and his minister Weizheng, who was known for his frankness and courage to criticize. Emperor Taizong appreciated Weizheng's faithful adherence to goodness, and Weizheng admired Emperor Taizong's magnanimous character. Therefore, whenever the emperor's words or behavior were the slightest bit inappropriate, Weizheng would speak up right away and the emperor would humbly accept his remonstrances.

此外，太宗还有位长孙皇后，更是唐太宗的贤内助。有一回唐太宗得到一只名贵的小鹰，十分喜爱，便拿在手上把玩着，并训练小鹰一些技能。正玩在兴头上，外面通报魏征觐见。唐太宗心想：真是烦！什么时候不好来，就偏拣在这时辰？待会儿让这老头子见了，一定又要啰嗦个半天，讲什么“玩物丧志”的大道理。于是把小鹰藏在衣袖里，准备早点儿打发魏征走。

Emperor Taizong had an empress, Chang Sun, who was also a worthy helper to him. One time the emperor obtained a precious young falcon. He adored the bird and held it in his hands and played with it, trying to teach it some tricks. Right then, word came that Weizheng was requesting to see him. The emperor thought, "What a bother! He always comes at the most inconvenient time! Once the old man sees the bird, he'll go on and on about how trifling with amusements is a waste of energy." Thereupon the emperor hid the young falcon inside his sleeve, thinking to quickly send Weizheng off on some pretext. 

不料魏征眼尖，早就看到唐太宗的动作，因此故意大事小事谈了一件又一件，说个没完；唐太宗心里发急，又不能不应付他。等到魏征终于告退，唐太宗才嘘了口气；一看，小鹰已闷死了。唐太宗虽然懊恼，却不敢怪罪魏征，因为他太想做好一个能纳谏的贤君，只好不再玩小鸟了。

He didn't realize that Weizheng's sharp eyes had noticed his movement, and that the official deliberately brought up large and small matters one after another. It seemed that he would never finish. Taizong was getting anxious, but he could not refuse to listen. When Weizheng finally took his leave, Taizong let out a sigh of relief. However, the little falcon had already died of suffocation. Although Taizong was regretful, he dared not blame Weizheng because he wanted so badly to be a worthy ruler who could accept criticism. In the end, he had to give up the hobby of raising young birds.

又有一次，长乐公主出嫁，唐太宗最疼这个长孙皇后亲生的女儿；因此命令备礼要隆重，嫁妆多过另一位不是皇后亲生的永乐公主。魏征又说话了：“疼爱之情虽有差别，同是公主的身份却是一样的，不可以失了礼制。”唐太宗只好听从。回宫后告诉皇后，不料皇后不但没感觉失望，反而赞叹说：“以前陛下敬重魏征，妾未知其故；现在听了这番劝谏，才知道魏征真不愧是国家的重臣！”

Another time when Princess Chang Le, Emperor Taizong's most beloved daughter of Empress Chang Sun, was to get married. The emperor ordered especially elaborate gifts and ceremonies. In fact, her dowry surpassed that of Princess Yong Le, who was not the Empress' own daughter. As usual, Weizheng had something to say: " Although your affections differ, they are of equal rank as princesses and you should not ignore the rules of etiquette." Taizong had no choice but to listen. When he returned to the palace and told the empress, to his surprise she was not disappointed, but rather praised the minister, saying, "In the past I did not understand why Your Majesty respected Weizheng so highly, but after hearing his exhortation, I realize that Weizheng is truly worthy of being an important official of the country ."

又一次，唐太宗终于受不了魏征不留情面的劝谏，下朝回宫仍怒不可遏，便说：“朕非杀了那个乡下老头子不可！”长孙皇后忙问：“谁啊？”唐太宗又气又委屈地说：“还有谁！就是那顽固的老家伙魏征啊！每次在朝廷当面侮辱我，我皇帝的尊严摆哪儿啊？”长孙皇后默然退下，换上了大礼服，恭敬地站在庭阶上；皇帝十分不解，皇后就说：“妾听说君主如果圣明，臣子自然正直。今天魏征这样正直，全是因为陛下圣明之故，怎么可以不道贺呢？”高帽子一戴，唐太宗哈哈大笑，自然心开意解了。

Another time, Taizong had had it with Weizheng's merciless admonishments. He left the court and returned to his palace quarters in fury, saying, "I've got to take that old country bumpkin's life, and that's that!" Empress Chang Sun asked in haste, "Who are you talking about?" The emperor, with anger and indignation, replied, "Who else? That stubborn old fellow Weizheng! He always insults me to my face in court. Where has my dignity as the Emperor gone?" The empress silently withdrew, changed into formal ceremonial dress, and stood respectfully on the courtyard steps. The emperor was totally puzzled. The empress said, "I've heard that if the emperor is noble and wise, his ministers will naturally be forthright. Today Weizheng was so frank all because Your Majesty is noble and wise. How could I not offer congratulations?" Once he heard the praise, Taizong laughed and understood. 

长孙皇后运用智慧，不但保住丈夫的颜面，更保全了魏征的老命，使他还有机会继续直言强谏。所以内能有贤后婉劝，外能纳贤臣直谏，这应是唐太宗所以能成为一代明君的原因。明君、德后、贤臣，都流芳青史，相得益彰，岂不印证了“善相劝，德皆建”吗?

With her wisdom, the empress not only saved face for her husband, but more importantly, saved old Weizheng's life, allowing him to continue to exhort the emperor . The reason Taizong was such an eminent emperor was that he had a worthy empress who offered gentle advice, and he could listen to his worthy minister's straightforward exhortations. This wise emperor, virtuous empress, and worthy minister shall all be remembered in history as complementing one another. Is this not proof of the verse, "If we urge one another toward goodness, then we will all develop our virtue"?